*You might be a player if... you have more than one body spray named after an active verb or a mythological beast. (Like "Stroke" or "Pegasus.")

*You might be a player if...  you buy condoms by the spool.

*You might be a player if...  you just can't find that perfect mix of Madonna and whore.

*You might be a player if...  you wear champagne as much as you drink it.

*You might be a player if... your voicemail is nothing but sobs, angry teeth gnashing, and your mom telling you to come pick up your laundry.

*You might be a player if...  you collect used thongs in a shoebox.

*You might be a player if... you think the jaw beard makes you look like you have a chin 

*You might be a player if...  you shave all your body hair off, so you're streamlined like a  missile. A missile of love. 

*You might be a player if...  you keep confusing Cathy with Kathy.  

*You might be a player if... you think bringing two women to the brink of the big "O" equals giving one woman an actual orgasm.

*You might be a player if... you prefer one night stands because by the second night, you've exhausted all your night moves.

*You might be a player if... you've given yourself a nickname like "The Lesson," or "Enigma," or "Da Bombardier."

*You might be a player if... you own as much leather as you do denim. And you wear your sunglasses on your head like a tiara. 

*You might be a player if... you reluctantly wear "guyliner" because it really makes your eyes "pop." Plus: you're oddly attracted to Criss Angel.

*You might be a player if... your entire vocabulary consists of the words "sup," "yeah," and "cool."

*You might be a player if... you're always shrugging, pursing your lips, and flashing totally made-up gang sign.

*You might be a player if... human emotions make your ears sweat.

*You might be a player if... you tell your bros every little detail about what happened last night, except for the part where you wake up under her bed,  your junk stuck in your zipper. 

*You might be a player if... you scream your own name out during sex.

*You might be a player if... your Facebook status is "Up 2 my knees is p00n!!1!" You're also poking all the hot bitchez you friended. 

*You might be a player if... if you think oral is first base.

*You might be a player if... you mislead women with false promises, just like your dad.

*You might be a player if... your post-shower reflection gives you an erection.

*You might be a player if... you Frebreze your sheets more than once a week.

*You might be a player if... You're really good at oral sex, because then you hope she won't judge your thimble donk.

*You might be a player if... You go monkey rampage berserk when you see a chick you made out with in the past hooking up with anyone else but you.