I hooked up with a woman once who, right before I pulled the ripcord on my action pants, cooed into my ear, "What do you call him?" She was referring to my genitals. My incredulous reply was, "I call it my penis. Or more formally, John DeVore's penis." I don't give my body parts names, or at least, not until I get a cyborg something. Once this was cleared up, we happily slapped it all night long (all night.)
I honestly, I have never heard of any dude naming his junk. Men nickname cars, or rifles, or good luck charms. If you're in the military, or the mob, you can nickname each other. So I have to conclude that this woman wanted to know my nickname because it's something she has encouraged in the past. A habit that has been approved by the coven. Clearly, women nickname three things: men they're dating (does Carrie call him "Mr. Big" because Chris Noth is fat?) puppies ('Buster" can also be "Busteroni" or "Bus-boo") and penises.
Perhaps it is too much to ask to stop this habit. So in lieu of dissuading any ladies reading from nicknaming their partner's reproductive organs, I am presenting a list of approved nicknames for my penis. I won't speak for all men out there, but these are preferable to "Mr. Winky."
1. Hercules Meatquake
2. Tiny
3. The Tentacle of Love
4. Jolly Pink Giant
5. The Littlest Stormtrooper
6. Sir John Falstaff
7. The Ejaculator
8. Gilgamesh, Half-God Warrior King of the Sumerians
9. The Fourth Branch of Government
10. Zipperpocalypse
11. Whoa's Ark
12. The Trunk of Life
13. ICBM
14. Flesh O'Clock
15. Hound of the Baskervilles
16. Destro's Secret Weapon
17. Titanus Shaftum
18. The Mighty Dongo
19. Phallcor, The Luck Dragon
20. King of Wangistan
21. Rodzilla
22. Bachman Turner Overdrive
23.The Starship Bonerprize
24. Mjolnir
25. Seven And A Half Inches Of Fury
Really... The Trunk of Life?
First off, I'm in management. I can't be heard laughing like this in my office.
Secondly, I don't nickname my boyfriend or his penis. I don't nickname my cats, but then I flat out named one of them Obi Wan. (What can I say? The Force is with her.)
ICBM must not stand for what I orginally thought it did. It simply must not.
What about "My watch and fuzzy diamonds?" that one always gets a laugh before she engulfs my man sandwich
Your watch? Man, I do not want to see your penis. Although I do wonder: how accurately does it tell time? And when you turn on the timer function, do you just pitch a tent or what?
safe to say that The Neverending Story has officially been ruined for me...
What is ICBM?
haha ICBM, am I the only one who thinks that means "i see bowel movement"?
"Bachman Turner Overdrive" FTW.
In fact, you could use pretty much any progressive rock band for this list....
King Crimson
The Alan Parsons Project
Deep Purple
Just stay away from Soft Machine...
well i call mine big jim and the twins!
How about Pink Floyd?
1st, ICBM means InterContinental Ballistic Missile.
2nd, Most of the list of 25 seem lame or contrived. "Rodzilla" was OK.
3rd, while I was married my wife called mine "Spike".
Hi JDV.
I'm a FriskyGirl, and the bigger question is, "Do We Girls Really Need a Name for it?" These monikers are all so stupid that I would bust out laughing should anyone use ANY of those terms. Kinda ruins the moment. I want to be with a man, not a 10-year-old boy.
Having said that, I was a bit traumatized when the dirty talk ensued and a guy used the old "p***y and "c***" names. So I guess men can't win.
But seriously, no one needs to name ANYTHING.
It's a joyous experience that doesn't need any branding to sell it.
Never Nervous Pervis
I call mine "Bristling Porksword" or "Purple-Headed Beef Blaster"...now those are manly names! ;-) A couple of women have been known to call it "Oh Yeah!" or just "glmmmphhgrbl".
Wait a miute, it's not just women doing all the dicknaming. The las bf I had actually told me what his member was called. I thought it was the most imature thing ever that he would have a name for it but I just went along with it. I really want to tell you what it was... but I won't ;)
Funniest name I ever heard was when somebody referred to it as his "Bluevein Thumper". I completely lost it.
My husband calls his IT or IT'S ...
IT'S hard
IT'S horny
Do you want to hold IT
But every time he calls it IT The only thing that comes to my mind is the Adams Family and cousin IT
LMAO @ ICBM!! W. von Braun would be proud.
I love that you know what Mjöllnir is! Much less cheesy than the rest on that list. And not nearly as queasily ick. :)
BigWillieStick
Vlad the Turple Headed Love Truncheon
How about the "Sausage of Love".....
Dick Wistle
I jokingly called mine "Thor's Hammer" one time to my gf. I never really knew if she thought that was funny or not...
ICBM = intercontinental ballistic missile I googled it, I lol'd