Carolyn Evans' new sex/relationship book (Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage) recommends couples use a currency system to ensure they're having sex on the regular. Here's the gist: a man gets 40 beads indicating his desire to have sex with his wife -- once he sets out a bead, she has 24-hours to fulfill his request. Guys, what do you think about point/token/calendar systems to regulate sex in a relationship? Necessary? A good idea to make sure things stay intimate in these busy times? Or icky and unromantic?
Wise-Ass says:
Yes, beads. Great idea. Beads and blankets and maize (corn). I'll give you a sackful of beads, this bottle of fire water and Manhattan Island for a blow job. WTF? I think Carolyn Evans needs to lay off the John Wayne movies, because this is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Like we need more ways to avoid communicating with each other. Want sex? Say "I want sex." I know it's crazy but try it. I say it to my wife every night. It never works, but it's still better than fucking beads.
Girls' BFF says:
In some ways I can see this being a good idea. As you settle into a relationship folks get lazy and sex becomes less fun and spontaneous and more of a chore that forgets to get done, like dusting. By the time you remember to dust, it takes forever and you don't know where to start and you're not happy it's done, you're relieved. At least this way, you're ensuring that the jollies get had. Though, the man gets 40 beads per year? Like out of 365 days, he only gets 40 days of loving? Basically a max of 3 times a month? Then again, if you've been married for 20 years, that might be asking a lot anyway. So what the hell, why not, go with the beads. Make whoopy and enjoy each other's company. Viva la sexual intimacy.
Reformed Player says:
Here's what I don't get about the system: why does only the guy get beads? Shouldn't the woman get beads too?
People do get lazy, but it makes more sense to me to take a couple's vacation than hit the bead store.
Gal Pal says:
I agree, Dan! Women get lame "nudge cards," which allow them to "nudge" their man into plunking a bead into the bowl. Lame.com. Lame x 100. She should get a stack of 200 beads to use at her leisure. Bead power!
Funny Guy says:
This is one of those ridiculous ideas that in actuality both suck and work. 'Work' in the sense that, yes, a couple will bone more. 'Suck' in the sense that it's calculating, mechanical and straight out of a Game of Throne's fantasy sequence. "A handsome sum of beads for you, dear lady. And now for some brutal anal sex." Tokens are a weird device.
And why stop at sex acts, Carolyn Evans? How 'bout he gets a marble for every time he remembers to put the seat down. A pigeon claw for every time he empties the dishwasher. A dragon egg for not coming home with gonorrhea.
Mystery Man says:
Ms. Evans, kindly stop implying my lady is a prostitute. Like now.
Chic Geek says:
I don't like the bead idea; honestly, I think the beads would make me hostile. Here's a novel idea: just ask for what it is that you want! If you need more lovin', ask for more lovin'. If you can't muster up the cajones to ask for more physical intimacy in a committed relationship you probably have bigger problems going on than not enough sex. My two cents. That is all.
Exactly.
That sounds like the fastest way to make your lady think of sex as an obligatory act, something she HAS to do, rather than GETS to do. This lady clearly has no respect for herself other than as a glorified sex toy.
AMEN, MM! That was my first thought, too.
"man gets 40 beads indicating his desire to have sex with his wife -- once he sets out a bead, she has 24-hours to fulfill his request."
am i the only one who sees this as chauvinistic, male-dominated bs? why would a female author suggest giving men this much "power" over the couple's sex life?
It is a book. Controversy sells.
It is still one of the crassest, tackiest ideas I have heard of outside of the relationship books by Godek (do a search for Seanbaby AND godek, if you want a real belly laugh)
props on the Godek seanbaby reference, those articles never fail to both baffle me (that the advice was published) and thoroughly entertain me.
Good grief that's positively medieval. Besides, I don't need a bunch of beads laying around that will have to be dusted.
I really don't see the interest of it.
First, because there are more romantic ways t osay things that put a bead in a bowl.
Second, because that feels like an obligation for the woman to fulfill her man's needs. Sex is not supposed to be an obligation, it's supposed to be fun and loving.
Third, what if it was the man who didn't want sex ? Then the bead would never get into the bowl! and that wouldn't work. And both people would get fustrated.
I think to me the first thing to do to get sex is to learn to casually and randomly touch your partner, getting back in contact with his/her body not only for sex. hugging them gently, let one's hand follow the spine, holding hands... little moves that change everything. those little things will bring you back to a certain level of intimacy. softly and slowly, they'll get back under the sheets.
Wow, men get a bead, and women get to ask him to use his bead?!? I feel sick.
One of the GuySpeakers mentioned that some men think that sex entails the woman's job of lying there and presenting an orifice.
Not just men think this... apparently.
It's so sad.
Imagine having sex when you didn't really want to, or had unresolved issues with your partner. That would really suck (definitely no pun intended).
Oh, and I like that Chic Geek is thoroughly dumbfounded.