It's time to play the naughty numbers: How many times can you fake orgasm before a guy notices? How often should you call a guy? How much sex do you actually have to remember? How often can a teacher/lovah trash you before you dump him? And how many manly deeds does it take to get to the center of a good guy pop? We'll add it all up in this edition of GuySpeak's Best of the Week!

If a guy gave you his number, how often should you call him?

Funny Guy says:

What I have for you is a GUYCALL ALGORITHM, which can be used to determine when, where, how, and why (but mostly when) to call a dude. Essentially, it's tennis rules: you can't lose as long as the difference in your scores is no greater than 1. So if you've called him and he hasn't called you back, you've just got to wait. But you never need to wait to return a call, by the same logic.

Naturally, some exceptions can be made. A text or Facebook message doesn't equal a full call, but enough of them can be even creepier. And there's no limit to the number of times you can attempt to make contact telepathically.

Of course, none of this applies a month or two in...just during those delicate initial stages when you're trying not to crush him with your immense love or freeze and wither him with your icy indifference.

Gal Pal says:
As an addendum to the GUYCALLALGORITHM, I recommend the KEEPITSHORT Principle. If at all possible, make sure the text/email/photo gallery/vision board you send a guy is shorter than the message he last sent you. Brevity is the soul of hook-ups.

If I don't remember having sex with someone, do I have to count it?

Reformed Player says:

It absolutely "counts," whatever that means. Do you belong to Slutty Slut-sluts Anonymous? I'm going to go ahead and guess you were drunk when you allegedly had sex. Do you remember who it was with? Do you think you really consented? Was he wearing protection?

The Herp doesn't care if you were passed out or wide awake.

This sexual escapade counts, and it should be a lesson to you. Sounds like you came out of this okay. That is just party luck. Drankin' and blacking out at some dude's place is a recipe for pain cake. Be careful, ladypal.

Gal Pal says:
Whoa, I'm not a fan of throwing out the Slutty-slut-slut bomb - but after reading John's clarification in the comments section, I see he meant it with ironic jest. Here's my fun tip for our party girl: quit counting how many dudes you've slept with and start counting how many drinks you've had. Half of the fun of sex is being able to remember it when you're old and gray - don't cheat your 80-year-old self out of some cheap thrills.

I've been faking orgasms EVERY TIME I have sex with my BF. Now he thinks I can climax easily, but it actually takes me a long time. How can I tell him what I need without hurting him (and his ego)?

Wise Ass says:

Well, on the bright side, you'll never have to wonder what "painting yourself into a corner" means. Unfortunately, you have to get out of that corner now, and there's no way to do it without making a mess. The best you can do is damage control.

Because you've been dishonest, he has no idea how to please you, and the two of you will have to start over from scratch in bed. His ego will be bruised, yes, but his trust in you will also be shaken. If and when you do start having genuine orgasms with him, he might still think you're faking it, and you'll have to convince him otherwise. Your confession and apology to him are only the beginning of the work to be done.

But ... I'm not here to scold (much). Chalk it up as a life lesson and move on. It might help to remember that your inability to orgasm during intercourse without clitoral stimulation is fairly common, and doesn't make you abnormal or him a bad lover. His only offense is believing that the female body isn't complicated. He'll be bummed when he realizes that he doesn't have a magic penis after all, but he'll get over it - all men do.

Gal Pal says:
Can we add "Painting yourself into a corner" to the GuySpeak dictionary as a euphemism for self-lovin? Used in a sentence: "If you're having trouble orgasming with a guy, spend some time painting yourself into a corner and find out what turns you on." Or "Sorry, I'm late, I was watching all those hot World Cup guys and had to go paint myself in a corner."

I'm a teacher dating my coworker. We're keeping it very under wraps so it doesn't cause drama. Problem is: his way of doing this is to flirt with EVERY other female teacher so no one suspects.

Chic Geek says:

Dump him. He's using the need to keep the relationship on the DL as an excuse to womanize females. You're doing the right thing by keeping things professional and he's running around acting the tool.

His method wouldn't work anyway. It's not like when The Joker stages a bunch of crimes to distract Batman from the fact that he's stealing the Hope Diamond from the Gotham City museum. People will wonder why he's avoiding you and assume you guys are sleeping together or have recently broken up. Plus, he's making you look bad. When you eventually tell a coworker that you're dating, you'll just look like a sucker for being with a guy who's a huge flirt.

I remember in 8th grade when we discovered that our science teacher was marrying one of the English teachers. You know how we found out? The English teacher changed her last name. They kept their relationship quiet and professional; our science teacher wasn't going around hitting on the new Algebra teacher to throw everyone off the trail. My point is, you can date at work and keep it a secret from your students and coworkers. And trust me: I was a nosy middle schooler. It's not like I didn't try to suss out some potential gossip.

Gal Pal says:
This sounds like an after-school-special gone way wrong. New homework assignment: expel this douche dude and enroll in a relationship with one of the other faculty members who will put you at the head of his class. Go on - we know you're hot for teachers. (If you complete this assignment, I promise to stop using educational metaphors in a sentence.)

What manly things should manly men do for ladies?

Girl's BFF says:

As the Girls' BFF, I feel it's my job to make sure that the ladies out there know fully what should be happening when they have a guy. Here are a few things that guys should be doing, because they're guys:

1)Taking out the trash
Young lady, your hands should never have to touch any dumpster, trash compactor, or city-provided garbage can. Women are beautiful clean creatures (or at least should be). We'll take the trash out so that you may live again without the oddly similar stench that plagues all trash areas emanating from your hair. Mostly, because if I smell it in your hair, I will not be kissing you. Yech.

2) Changing the oil on your car
No self-respecting man will let his woman get her own oil changed. And do you know why? Because I'm convinced women don't even realize you NEED to get your oil changed. I've had a girlfriend who LITERALLY hadn't had her oil changed since she got her car. It just never dawned on her. Me? Every 3,000 miles on the dot pal. So guys should take that burden to make sure its gets done, if only to prevent a side-of-the-road damsel in the distress circumstance.

3) Answering the door at midnight
I have no idea why people think its okay to knock on your door past 10pm (which is still too late in my book) unannounced. But it happens. This is guy time. While I hate being the first line of death in case its a robber - especially considering if I'm dead I can't save her so she'll die too, which actually might kill me so I suppose it's a wash - you can't put your girl in harms way. This is ManLaw 101. Now if only women believed that you shouldn't directly put your man in harm's way.

Gal Pal says:
4) Capturing icky spiders (but not killing them!), bringing her flowers and painting her into a corner once in awhile. That's all for this week. Thanks for playing, guys and girls!