Do guys get turned on by kissing you goodnight? Meeting random girls on Tagged.com? Coming home-sweet-home after a long trip abroad? Talking prison on a first date? Or by not having sex with you for an entire year? Find out what gets the boys hot and bothered on this edition of GuySpeak's Best of the Week!

My new guy always gets hard during our goodbye kiss. I feel bad leaving him there all horny, but I feel like it's too early to do anything sexual. Is this mean?

Wise-Ass says:

Nope. Not mean at all. Who do you trust to make the right decision about when to start sleeping with a guy, your own feelings or his wiener? (Hint: It's not the latter. Wieners aren't that bright and they make terrible decisions.)

Guys get aroused when making out. It's involuntary, and doesn't necessarily mean he wants sex right then and there (although I'm sure he wouldn't turn you down if you offered). Just because he gets hard doesn't mean you have to do anything about it. His boner is not your obligation any more than you are obligated to check out an apartment complex just because there's a clown with balloons in front of it waving and shouting at passing cars. Ungratified boners build character.

Gal Pal says:
Are you mean? Or are you a makeout superstar?! To quote when Harry Met Sally, "I'll have what she's having."

I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years, but he hasn't wanted sex for over a year. He says everything's fine, but how can I get him to want sex again?

Girl's BFF says:

DO NOT BELIEVE him when he says he just doesn't want it. Straight up, he is lying. Unless you two are having major relationship issues - which it appears isn't the case - the only reason a man who's been getting some on the regular would just go cold turkey with you is if he's got some side piece somewhere "making him feel like a man."

You can't make a man want to have sex with you BECAUSE IT'S OUR DEFAULT DESIRE. The only way we go is down. We stop at some point and usually don't want to do it again. The fact that he is affectionate and you all have a good time isn't lost on me. Either he's a good actor or because he's getting what he wants elsewhere, he's able to compartmentalize each relationship and give you the "quality time" and her the Milkbone.

I know it sounds harsh, but I'd ask him if he was cheating on you and watch his body language. Men and women both have needs, especially a long-term relationship like you two have. Basically, there aren't enough batteries in the world to sustain you.

Gal Pal says:
Not to Pollyanna out, but I'm not convinced the guy is cheating. He might be having physical or emotional issues that are affecting his "Milkbone," and he's too embarrassed to share this info with his lady. Either way, she's got to ask him what's up. Or what's not up, as the case may be.

My husband made a Tagged.com profile and there's just a bunch of girls on his friends list. Should I be worried?

Chic Geek says:

I'm worried that I've never heard of Tagged.com. I thought everyone was doing Foursquare now. Hold on, let me look at it... Wow, what a stupid website. There's literally a dude doing a handstand on their "about us" page. What does that have to do with social networking? This site hasn't exactly set the Web on fire. "Get tagged!" I can see why I've never heard of it.

I see no problem with asking him about it. Tell him you're interested in joining and see if he gets weird and sweaty. Are the girls on his friends list all strangers? (I'm going to guess about 70% of them are fake spam profiles for porn sites.) If you're still worried after talking to him, tell him about this hot new social networking site called Friendster. I guarantee he won't be meeting anyone on that ghost town.

Gal Pal says:
Hmmm. There's no command for this "Tagged.com" on my Apple IIE. While I reboot "Oregon Trail," let me share a personal tidbit. I'm a Gal Pal with lots of guy pals. The men I date have to be cool with the men I friend, or it never works out. Jealousy is incredibly unattractive. Just because your boyfriend has a lot of female friends online, doesn't mean he's getting handsy with all of them. (Probably just some of them.)

My husband's been in Korea since July and is coming home on leave. I thought it would be nice to throw him a surprise party. However, he hasn't held our baby yet or spent time with me. Is the party a good idea?

Funny Guy says:

I'd say scrap the party. Or at least the surprise part of it. When you're returning home after a long absence - especially if things have changed in the interim (like, perhaps, you have become a father) - surprises are probably the last thing you want.

One of the worst experiences I've ever had was trying to make a big deal out of my wife's return from a quarter abroad. I planned to sweep her off her feet and get right to the romance, a plan that resulted in a bunch of awkwardness, jet lag excuses and hurt feelings on both sides. Let Dad meet child, steal some alone time, then talk about a party. That way you know he's going to enjoy himself, and you get him to yourself for awhile before having to share.

Gal Pal says:
I never turn down a chance for bunting and cupcakes, but in this case, your beloved and your baby should be the only ones RSVPing. If you're absolutely set on surprising your man, why not ask friends and family to meet at the airport with signs, balloons and a quick hello? Then you can whisk him home and save the partay for another day.

What should I NOT say on a first date? 

Reformed Player says:

What you say on a first date is more important than what you wear, order or smell like (stupid doesn't wash off.) If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then words spoken are the credit ratings of the soul. Judging from what a person says, you can tell who they are, what they believe, and how they think. All three of those pieces of information are essential in deciding whether or not you should give this person your heart or genital organs.

So listen closely, and if you hear any of the following 15 phrases, put on your best robotic poker face. Once the date is over, shake hands, lie through your teeth about what a good time you had, then make like e.coli and run.

1. "Have you ever peed lava?"
3.  "My sister-wives are going to love you."  
4.  "My friends call me the "Costco Of Emotions."
6. "It's a diet I invented, because I have fat elbows. I can eat anything I want, so long as I use this tiny fork."
8. "People always confuse "jail" with "prison." 

GalPal says:
Click the link above for the rest of John's hilarious first-date no-nos. And run away in terror if you hear this horrific pickup line, submitted by commenter OT: "Do you come here often ......or is the floor always this wet? I laughed in his face!!!!!"

I've enjoying laughing with your faces all week. Thanks for playing, guys and girls!