It's time once again for another installment of GuySpeak Vs. Lemondrop, the Internet's premiere source for guy/gal relationship banter. How does it work, you ask? We take one of your questions and debate it "he said/she said"-style with Lemondrop's esteemed relationship guru Emily Gordon. Sparks fly! Tensions flare! Smoke monsters attack! (Sorry. Lost on the brain...) 

This week's question:

Are foot massages sexual? My male co-worker gives me a foot massage once in a while but nothing else happens. I notice him being aroused and really into it but nothing usually happens. What is up with that? (We hide in his office during lunch.)

Emily Gordon says:

Not to go all Pulp Fiction on you, but yes, a foot massage is almost always sexual. Have you ever given a friend a foot massage? Or your mom? Exactly. So the very simple answer to your question is yes, it is sexual. The bigger question is "does it matter?"

What concerns me is your apparent apprehension at these interactions. Not only was your query riddled with random question marks, but it also had tons of parentheses. I'm no syntax expert, but it seems to me that even asking the question embarrassed you. There's no need to be embarrassed -- everyone's had unusual "Is this sex or not?" experiences. I once knew a girl who would meet up with a guy friend once a week to pretend to watch a movie while he just rubbed her arms. They never had sex but it was extremely sensual for both of them, until she started dating someone else and could no longer justify a weekly rubdown.

What are you getting out of this, other than a foot massage? Are you interested in this guy? Do you wish he would make a move during one of your closed-door encounters? Are you putting up with the boners in order to get some attention? Is the illicit nature of the foot rubs that you like? These are all important questions, because right now it seems that this is a weird thing that is happening to you, rather than with you. It's time to take the power back.

Decide what you want out of this guy and own it. If you want him to be your little secret foot slave, awesome. If you feel uncomfortable with his, ahem...reaction, but like the attention, own it. If you are just waiting for the day that he finally makes a move and are in delicious anticipation, own it. Figure out what you like in this situation, and make sure you're getting your needs met.

Sexuality isn't just about having sex. There's a huge continuum of things that are incredibly sexual without a penis ever getting close to a vagina. It sounds to me like you've found a nice comfy spot on this continuum, so stop worrying about what is up with it. As long as you two are not hurting anyone (and this would include any boyfriend or girlfriend who is unaware of your little work arrangement), and you're both enjoying yourselves, I would advise you to relax and have fun.

Your secret foot friend clearly is.

Chic Geek Nick says:

Yes, it is absolutely sexual. When you're single, foot massages always have an ulterior motive. He's either doing it to get you to sleep with him, or he has one serious foot fetish. So why isn't anything happen? Could be a couple of reasons.

Maybe he's afraid of dipping his pen in the company ink (particularly if you work for an ink manufacturer, which would make the metaphor apt on two counts) and this is his way of flirting without getting human resources involved. (Admittedly, it's still not the best use of company time. I'd like to see you both in my office. Keep your shoes on, please.)

Perhaps he's a foot freak and is more into your feet than he is into you. (That sounds like a bad Cosmo headline: "He loves my feet...and not me!") Or he could be shy and not sure how to make the next move. Maybe he's worried about messing up your friendship by asking you out. He could also be a total skeezeball with a girlfriend. How much do you know about him, outside of his foot predilection?

Whatever the reason, you guys need to do it and get it over with. Your coworkers must hate you. "Oh, look, Karen's going into Bill's office again. I'm sure they're discussing the upcoming merger and not playing footsie while we pick up the slack." Trust me, everyone knows. You guys aren't kidding anyone. I had these coworkers once whose poor man's Pam and Jim routine drove everyone else crazy. They would fake bicker very loudly to the annoyance of everyone within earshot. The guy would make really inappropriate sexual comments in her direction, and she'd just laugh and bat her eyelashes. Oh, and the guy was married, while she was in a relationship. They were the worst.

So spare your coworkers and take the flirtation outside of the office. If he's not asking you out, try inviting everyone out for drinks after work and see if you can get some one-on-one time with him. Ask him what is up with all the foot massages. Flirt and see if he flirts back. If he doesn't make a move, or at least ask you out, he's probably not worth your time (or the inevitable meeting with HR about what you've been doing during your lunch hour.)

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