Recently I answered a question along the lines of "You look like you fell off the ugly tree, hit every branch on the way down, landed in a pile of ugly, and then got attacked by the ugly wolves. How did a woman ever go near your hideous, warped form?" To which I made reference to having an enormous penis, because that's what you do on the Internet, but I did offer a serious answer: skill, charm and wit.
Having been an active player and current close observer of the sport of dating for years now, one thing I've learned is that looks have almost nothing to do with how often you get somebody in the sack. For example, according to research, "overweight" women (the study was based on the outrageously broken BMI) lose their virginity at about the same time in life, have the same amount of sex, and the same number of partners. In fact, overweight women actually get laid slightly more than their skinnier counterparts, which has generally been chalked up to fat guys deciding they have a better chance with the pudgy sister instead of the cheerleader.
Beyond that, though, it's a matter of personality. People are naturally attracted to happy, funny, intelligent people because they make everybody feel good. Being good with a joke is the rippling six-pack abs or perfectly formed breasts of the mind; if you can make people laugh, they want to be near you. Then all you have to do is let the baser instincts take over, and they'll want you, period.
Similarly, if you can have an engaging conversation about shared interests, it's surprising how far that can take you into somebody's pants. I've never slept with a woman I couldn't at least have an interesting conversation with, mostly because that's how I met them in the first place. And that leads us into the final factor.
It doesn't matter how hot your partner is; if they're stupid, it's incredibly embarrassing. Very few of us can bone someone dumber than we are without feeling at least a little shame. Even a one-night stand is somebody you might see again, or run into at the worst possible moment. At best, you look shallow, and at worst, you look like the kind of person who resorts to fooling stupid people into sleeping with you. So, your choice is looking like you have a crappy personality, or that you're a borderline rapist.
So, if you "have a great personality", don't worry: it's really all you need to get as much action as you want.
So true Dan, personality ultimately has much more impact than looks ever do.
What???? My fiance of 7 years decided he fell out of love with me and met a new girl, married her, it only lasted 3 months and then he emailed me wanting to get together and try to fall "in love" again?
It took me two years to heal from losing him. He is the love of my life! Now he is playing cat and mouse with me.
Help???????????????????????????????? Stupid as it sounds, I love him and don't have a clue how to handle this? If he said, I love you and want us to live happily ever after, it would be different, but he says he loves me and would like to try and "fall in love" with me again.
I feel as though he just returned and poured salt into wound. All of the feelings of devastation came flooding back,,,especially when I can hear in his tone that he is confused and really trying to figure it all out?
Thanks so much guys!
PS, when I try to ask a question and send it, nothing happens, so I'm posting here instead?
You wasted two years over this moron. Let it go, move forward and dont look back. If he has to "try and fall in love with you"... Doesn't that just answer it? He has to "TRY"??? This fool has the balls of a burglar to come to you with that ... I'd send him a picture of shit and some bubble gum and tell him to chew on it .
DROP HIM! He will only cause you more pain and you deserve more!
Personality really does shade how attractive we find someone.
I think we all knew someone who was stunning at first sight, but once we get to know their personality, they become quite unattractive. Sometimes the expression on their face ruins what would be a would-be wonderful canvas. On the reverse, someone who didn't necessarily catch your eye initially, or isn't even your "type" physically, becomes increasingly attractive because of a great personality (a smile or a friendly expression enhances anyone's appearance).
I'll add one more: there are those who spend a lot of time "telling" you how wonderful/attractive they are - I find myself thinking the opposite - you're not nearly as wonderful/attractive as you think you are (even if initially I would have thought they were).
Looks and personality are very much intertwined, so, like your mother always said, be careful of the expression you wear on your face - eventually it WILL freeze that way.
Dan speaks the truth! Oh does he speak the truth. The man could look like a young Fabio fresh off the Romance novel cover, but if there's nothing going on upstairs I lose my girl boner. They are pretty to look at and that's about it. Eye candy. Not marriage/long term partner material.
If I am smarter than a man, I have no actual interest in them. It sucks since I'm really super smart. Ha.
I'm going to take a huge leap off the modesty train for a minute, here.
I consider myself fairly attractive. Average-tall height, healthy but slender curvy bod, pretty face. When I head out on the town looking my best, one of two things happen. A) Random dudes hit on me, but not in an appealing way (and they're usually not appealing fellas), or B) Absolutely nothing. I even perform in a show that requires I dress in *very* provocative outfits, and while I receive many compliments, no one tries to take me home.
Just about every single guy I have ever dated, slept with, or otherwise attracted into making a move has done so only after a long conversation about mutual interests or other probing topics. And for some reason, these conversations usually happen when I'm not looking anywhere near my best.
I know I can't be attracted to a man unless I appreciate his personality, respect his intellect, and laugh at his jokes. My experience suggests that it is exactly the same for men- or at least, the type of men that I tend to like (and who cares about the rest?)