A general question came in this week that deserves the front and center stylings of a weekly blog. It involves the slippery mattress of knowing when to leave after a casual hookup/casual sex. You see, just because you're sleeping together doesn't mean you are actually going to be or should be sleeping and snoring together. For some guys waking up next to a woman they just met is too intimate. The reality is the world of "casual" can be anything but. It can be treacherous and intense. The rule is there is no rule. Every hook up every night needs to be treated as an individual case. That shouldn't make things scarier, but in a way easier - more empowering. Why? Because it necessitates you read the situation in real time rather than sheepishly sticking to some plan your girlfriend tells you is a hard and fast rule.
Should I stay or should I go is a game of finnese. And that of course goes for your partner too. Sometimes you're the homeowner and you want nothing more than to get big wang, but bigger mouth Charlie back in his sneakers and out the door. You want shut-eye not a night of a dude telling you about his dog growing up and why his sister is so "funky and cool". A casual hook-up means you're on the hook to be open and flexible. The problem of course being when two people don't see things the same way.
But if all this is too opaque let me break it down like this. A dude probably wants you to bounce if:
1. He keeps looking at his watch and saying how late it is.
2. He keeps looking at his watch and saying how early he has to get up.
3. He keeps mentioning how much his roommate hates when guests stay over.
4. He starts dressing you.
5. He asks you if you know the number for the local cab dispatcher.
6. He rolls over and says, "Can you leave the door a bit ajar on your way out, it gets super hot in here."
7. He says. Well I had a nice time tonight...
8. He asks how far you live from his place.
9. He leaves to go to the bathroom for over...10 minutes. (that is a stall/ wait 'em out tactic).
10. He supposedly falls asleep super quickly and strategically spreads his body out on the bed like an immovable flesh blanket.
Jerry Seinfeld: "Sometimes, when people get involved with 'that,' they feel pressure to sleep over. When 'that' is not really sleep. Sleep is separate from that. And I don't see why sleep got all tied up and connected with that!"
Biggity- bounce? Wow, this post doesn't sit well with me. Maybe it is the absolute objectification of another person. The total lack of honest communication that you encourage here yet constantly recommend in most of your answers makes all the difference between being kind or being a douche bag. Casual doesn't mean be an ass.
Agreed^ if you "sleep" with someone you should be willing to sleep with them too. Just dont stick around all the next day or week! This shouldve been more about leaving promptly in the morning.
Exactly, basic respect for another human. Consider her safety and finances as well. Paying for a taxi, navigating transit safely while still tipsy, etc.
Yeah I totally disagree w the girls above. I thought your post was hilarious and spot on! These girls just sound super bitter. I don't really have them anymore, but when I did there's nothing worse then having a casual hookup want to sleepover at your house and won't take a freakin clue and leave. I mean a casual hookup is supposed to be just that, casual. If I'm sleeping w someone I really care about then bring on the sleepovers, cuddling, and breakfast in the morning otherwise in the words of Funny guy biggity bounce! LOL
Jess- you helped make my point. You made a nasty comment about "the girls above." A person doesn't have to be bitter in order to object to crappy behavior. Nor does a person have to be mean in order to make a point.
I didn't at all disagree with casual hook-ups. But I do disagree with people being assholes about it. Instead of playing games and giving your casual hookup "a freakin clue" to leave, stop being an asshole and use grown up words.
Funny guy's fast facts for girls on a dude's hints for his hook up to biggity bounce is truly not in the spirit of this website.
Jan you really need to work on getting a sense of humor. Uh how did I help you make your point? Yah and sorry but you do just sound bitter. You're prob one of those girls that casually hooks up w a guy and expects cuddling and breakfast in the morning. Lol
No Jess, You don't have me pegged at all. I am past hooking up, but when I did, I didn't treat a guy like crap even if I wanted recreational sex. Believe it or not guys talk big, but many are clingy and linger after a hook-up. My experience was about 50/50. It isn't like you must be an asshole or you will end up cuddling and poaching eggs for him/her in the morning.
Well if they make ya eggs in the morning and are clingy, then ya must of been good.. :)
I think the girls that are offended by FGs answer just don't get it. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting a one night stand to leave after the sex. Male or female. When I was in my casual hook up stage I certainly didn't want the guy to sleep over either, and I gave the same type of hints that he is getting at here. It was annoying as hell when a guy couldn't take the hint. The reason we drop hints - whether we're the guy or the girl in the situation - is because we don't WANT to be jerks and straight up say "Could you please leave now?" We shouldn't have to. It's called social tact and understanding social cues.
I think the girls that are offended by FGs answer just don't get it. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting a one night stand to leave after the sex. Male or female. When I was in my casual hook up stage I certainly didn't want the guy to sleep over either, and I gave the same type of hints that he is getting at here. It was annoying as hell when a guy couldn't take the hint. The reason we drop hints - whether we're the guy or the girl in the situation - is because we don't WANT to be jerks and straight up say "Could you please leave now?" We shouldn't have to. It's called social tact and understanding social cues.
I'm female. I enjoy the random hook ups. My rule about stayin or going "When in doubt, get the fu@k out".
If he wants you to stay, he will make it known. Then it's your choice to stay or go.
If it is at my place, I figure if I can bring the guy home, he can stay the night. I don't make breakfast unless I feel like it.