There are no naked pictures of women on my cell phone. A gentleman does not kiss and tell, nor does he leave a digital trail. Like a ninja running on freshly fallen snow, he leaves no footprints. This is polite, and practical if, for instance, one is juggling multiple ladies.
It has come to my attention, recently, that this is not true for a large segment of the population. Right now, by my highly scientific calculations, there are hundreds of billions of people walking around carrying cell phones bursting with pics of breasts, penises, and vagina (which I believe is the plural and the singular.) I had a girlfriend once send me a cell phone pic of her breasts. Don't get me wrong, I love pictures of breasts. Man, they're just great. But as I stared at a tiny picture of giant honkers on my tiny phone, all I could think was,"This is a bad idea."
I deleted it. Not because I didn't like gazing at her orbs of glory. But because I'm a nice guy, like Ghandi. Nothing good can come from giving someone a picture of your bits that can't be burned. That can be downloaded, stored, and disseminated. That can be plastered on a T-shirt (I'm the only one who should be able to profit off my own testicles, thank you very much.) I have never sent a photo of my sinewy, Apollo-like body to a chick I've dated, because I just don't trust that it won't be shared at a bar to a gaggle of giggling she-demons. More on that later.
High-quality digital cameras built into cell phones are ubiquitous -- anyone can snap a photo and send it to anyone. It's amazing, really. In the past, the ability to take photos was an involved process filled with limitations. The number of photos you could take was determined by how much physical film you had. The development of this film required time, darkness, and chemicals. These photos were physical objects to be framed, cataloged in photo albums, or collected in big stacks and stored in boxes. Or kept in safety deposit boxes.
But now -- it's all instantaneous. Vast databases of these digital images are stored, and the result is a collective memory of literally millions of little moments. Let's not ponder the implications of being so fully wired into a hive mind. Instead, think of our legacy. In the distant future, anthropologists will sift through this mass, organic documentation of our lives and discover terabyte after terabyte of shorn hoo-ha, and fully armed photon torpedoes. Between that, and the utter slaughter of the English language that is texting, they will conclude we were a civilization of hairless adolescents with three word vocabularies and whose only natural defense when confronted by predators was to stick our heads into our own belly buttons.
I was at a party not too long ago. I was with a crew of close female friends whom I have never seen sans clothing. We were celebrating... something. The invention of beer, mostly. It's always a good time to be surrounded by beautiful women. I got up to get more of that magical liquid, and when I returned, the ladies were cackling. Someone had pulled out her cell phone and was passing it around. When it got to me, I saw that it was a photo of some dudes erect penis. It burned. My eyes soft-boiled. It was as if I had stared directly into the Ark of the Covenant. And it wasn't exclusively the unexpected and unwanted sight of another man's dong. It was the fact that these women WERE PASSING IT AROUND. There was no face, a recent hook-up whose greatest crime was, apparently, being bad in bed.
But it didn't matter. This is what women do, I suppose. Share things that shouldn't be shared. I have never met a dude who has willingly showed me lady parts on his mobile.
"Why didn't you delete that?" I stuttered.
"Why? It's funny!" That was her reply.
Not funny. Not funny now. Not funny in ten thousand years when those scientists uncover her cell phone, furrow their eyebrows, and ask the question,"Was this penis their god?"
You're one of the good guys, John.
I would never take a photo of myself naked or anyone else. I am not interested in seeing your photos. I was sitting at dinner with my friend's friend and suddenly she is showing me VIDEO on her phone of them in action and then still shots of his junk. I thought I would die. I can't imagine how he must feel about her showing everyone who she runs across.
HA!! Great post. The last line made me literally LOL.
I agree, some things are private, but I'm wondering what it means that all of the naked pics on my phone are of myself. Hmmm....
Im with Bev on that not sharing naked pics but my phone shelters a smorgasbord of me in all my nakedness!I would die if anybody but me ever saw them (& NO,its not weird....I wanted to see what the guys are always whistlin about so I took a few back...BUT THATS NOT THE POINT!!)......come to think of it...I think I should send a few of my pics out!!! As a woman who adores the idea of equal rights I think its only fair that those smart scientist guys get to see why the penis couldnt LOOK like a god without lady parts let alone BE one!...im just sayn.
The penis god thing was good! LOL!!
Okay, I don't know about anyone else, but, seeing the real thing in person? awesome. Staring at a picture? awkward.
You know what also bothers me, and it's on a similar tangent...
When girls talk about a guy's junk. I do NOT want to know how big OR small OR anything ELSE. It's not funny, and it's not something I want to have to think about every time I see his face (because I definitely will).
No, no, and trips no.
The picture thing I think would never happen with my friends (THANK GOD). We rarely even talk about sex anyways.
I would never take a photo of myself and send it to my boyfriend. Thats just silly. I definitely have friends who have, but their boyfriends have never sent any photos back. Smart men I think.
My friends and I talk about sex all the time. Its fun and its a way of bonding. So my girl friends and I talk about our sex lives over a few beers? Sue me. I'm pretty sure our male counterparts are doing the same thing elsewhere. I doubt the information we share is benefitting us in anyway, but we have fun doing it.
My friend got a SUPER awkward naked picture from a guy that she had been hooking up with months before. It came totally out of the blue and he tried to get her to send one back. She's smart. And she didn't. Not only did he not seem to understand how completely weird he was being, but he seemed offended at the lack of return. I've seen the picture, as have many of her friends.
Point is, regardless of who you are, if you send a naked picture to someone, it's then public property. Unless it's your spouse, it's pretty damn likely it's going to get passed around so be prepared to suffer the consequences, 'cause you're asking for it.
"Unless it's your spouse, it's pretty damn likely it's going to get passed around...???" Damn, what kind of people are you guys dating?! LOL. Two things: 1) My boyfriend would NEVER, EVER, even if I asked him to & made convenient copies (lol), show a private picture of me to someone else, male or female. He's not the type of sleezeball to *ask* for one from me, but I have on rare occasion sent him a naughty innuendo on his cellphone, just to tease him while he's at work on set, lol. One time he was getting hit on by a gay guy, LOL, so I sent him a little reminder of what's waiting for him at home so he'd feel better ;). If it's anything more revealing than bra/panties, he'll delete it right away. 2) The reason the boyfriends don't send one back is not because they're "smart." It's because it wouldn't do any good! lol The male anatomy is different than female in matters of revealing sexual body parts or posing intimately, so unless he's a Calvin Klein model, there's not much he can send you besides the Prize itself that would get you excited! Maybe a flexed bicep? We can send breasts/cleavage, tongue/lips, crotch, thighs, rear, pretty much anything with skin on it, and he's good to go, lol.
It shouldn't be a problem with a partner you trust! Some may say it's poor judgement to take/send risque photos, but I think it's more important to judge the individual you're sending them to!
Ugh. My brother's friend gets endless amounts of naked to half naked pictures of girls he's boned. He keeps them... like trophies on his cellphone. It's disgusting. |: Glad to know there are some guys who would rather not keep that crap around
The trouble with browsing while you should be working? Sudden, obnoxious outbursts due to hysterical article written on a newly discovered website.
Thank you, Ghandi. ;-)
I'm guilty of this, so every really guilty. There is a guy out there whom I know has topless pictures of me. I know that when I run for office, those pictures will somehow surface. Oh I loath when that day comes.
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