Once again, science has confirmed what most of us have already accepted as an immutable law of nature: comedians are the true master race. I know what you're thinking. Did I just indirectly compare myself to a Nazi? Yes I did, and science dictates that you love me for it.

As The Daily Mail explains in this groundbreaking article, from a date's perspective, a good sense of humor makes a man appear "more intelligent, more trustworthy, and more likely to have abs like oiled sheetrock." Okay, I added that last one, but to be fair, you could grate cheese on my taut, hilarious abs.

A sense of humor is naturally attractive, says the study, because guys who are mentally resourceful enough to crack wise are a lot more likely to use words to resolve a conflict rather than getting into a brawl and endangering their precious genetic material. Which explains why, in nature, only the funniest monkeys survive (as proof, please see either of these videos).

A funny guy's also going to "provide a more stable home life," and be "better able to cope" with the ever-changing responsibilities of a long-term relationship. Which is a nice way of saying if your man used jokes to avoid getting beaten up in high school, you can probably easily intimidate him into chuckling submission.

But beware, guys: the researchers warn that your humor must be "genuinely funny" to have the attracting effect. No Carrot Top-ing your way through dates; you've got to really work at it. Although if wordplay isn't your thing, prop comedy is definitely still a viable option. I recommend wearing either a fake arrow through the head or Hello Kitty nipple clamps on your next date. Preferably both.

If they laugh, you're in. If they don't, they're not worth your time. Honestly. Nipple clamps. Hello. How do you not laugh at that?! Restraining order my ass.