As a Guyspeak panelist I am equipped to answer any and all questions on all matters of sex, relationships and nipple size, but I must admit there is one area that I am not 100% educated on: Sexting.
You see, unfortunately, the rise in sexting cropped up at the same time I entered a monogamous relationship with Mrs. FG. I missed out on the simple modern pleasure of sexting as common practice. I missed out on punctuating a promising first date with something like "Katie, had a great time at the opera tonight. Please see attached: a close up of my testicles. Pics of me posing in front of bathroom mirror to follow. Best, Amit."
Yes, here and there I'll text Mrs. FG a picture of me in Congressman Anthony Weiner's underwear as a sort of shorthand for "I miss you babe. Are we cooking or ordering in tonight?" But for the most part I feel sort of on the outs with the sexting craze.
And so this blog post, as much as any I've written previously, is a request for feedback and education. I wonder, how many of you out there regularly sext? What are the rules and common practices associated with it? Is it more fun to send or receive?
It seems it has more potential to bite you in the ass than impress people with your ass --Think: Blake, Brett, Tiger, Jesse, Rihanna, Kanye. And while nothing says, "I love you" to a guy like opening up a grainy pic of your boobs snapped in a changing room at the GAP, I wonder if it's the most prudent thing to do.
The danger of images getting into the wrong hands and eyes is nearly inescapable. Lost phones, and boyfriends becoming ex-boyfriends, almost guarantee that the loving portrait you sent in that neon thong and his sombrero will be disseminated to your friends, family and enemies as soon as you dump him.
Is there a way to protect against this? It's almost as if before you press "send" every phone should have a pop-up that reads: "remember dummy, any and all pics you send can and will def be used against you in the future. Are you sure it's worth sending a shot of your half hard-on wrapped in a ribbon?"
Ideally, a sext should have a shelf life of about 4 minutes and self-destruct afterwards, but technology hasn't quite caught up to that. Yes, you can delete a pic after receiving it, but who has time for that if you're in the middle of great Words with Friends battle or simultaneously checking into Applebees.
We live in a funny time. As we speak radio waves, satellites, and optical networks are busy delivering pics of smooching lips, hairy vaginas, tushies and boners to one another. It seems once we, as a society, get our hands on technology it's only a matter of time before we collectively ask ourselves, "Hmm, how can I use this to get laid?" Makes you realize the invention of caves only really caught on when cave guys realized chicks prefer having sex without getting rained on or eaten. And, that the first cave drawings were nothing less than primitive sexts.
So school me. What are the ins and outs of Sexting?
Here's some of my take on it:
Hmm, well I've been with my bf for a year and a half now and we first started off emailing each other a lot before actually becoming a couple, so in a way, texting and sexting comes naturally? And when I think of sexting, I don't think of sending naked pictures or suggestive pictures at all. I supposed this all depends on what YOU think sexting is to you and your partner. And we didn't start doing this until we got more serious in the relationship.
What me and my bf do is send each other "dirty" messages like: hugs with gropes. And it's flirty messages like these that keep our day going until we see each other again when he comes home from work. Receiving and sending is both fun :)
Maybe I'm also old fashion, but I think the rule should still apply that if you don't know the person and haven't been together for that long (and haven't had sex with them either), then you should wait until you get more comfortable in the relationship. Nothing like a mood killer that scares you off when someone comes on too strong with sexting you messages or pictures too soon.
If you're that worried about someone using your naked or sexy pictures after the break up, then don't do it. I learned that the hard way with one ex and have been careful ever since of whoever I send pictures to (naked or not) or who takes my pictures. I broke up with the bastard after deleting the photos to ensure that he will never have them ever again just in he was going to use it for other stuff.
So I guess in conclusion, it is another way to flirt with your significant other or lady friend or man friend etc. And make sure that you're absolutely comfortable with this before proceeding. I hope this helps somewhat?
Sexting is dangerous man. That's all I can say. Here's my little story.
I was sexting my "male friend", and thought it would be cool to take some pictures. The light is my room is pretty agressive so I thought it would be a good idea to ...put a newspaper on a lamp to make the light more intimate. GREAT IDEA. The thing is, I thought "okay, I know it could burn, but It's just gonna be a minute..." So I put my paper on the lamp, the light was just right, I was topless, in my underwear, and as I was about to take the pic, I smelled something weird, turn my head and saw that the paper was on fire, like, in flames. I was like "oh man, oh man, how stupid are you". I found myself with the paper burning in my hands, not knowing what to do right away, I was like "what do I do? What do I do?". I stormed out my room and ran to the bathroom yelling "oh god, oh god, oh god",put the paper in the sink and poured water on it. Needless to say that I ran to the bathroom topless and in my underwear. Thank god my roomates weren't there (one of them is a guy).
I got back to my room, there was lots of smoke, so I had to open all my windows and stuff. And the guys was texting me: "What are you doing? What's the hold up?"....I was like "nothing, nothing....the phone rang sorry...".
I never told him that story....
You know what? Sexting is fun. The thing is, I'm not sure I would do it again. I only did it with one guy with whom the sex was amazing. It was never vulgar. We weren't in the same city, so I would wake up around 6 in the morning and I would text him what I would do to him if he was sleeping beside me. I would end the text by a "Have a good day..."Thing is, I would be really good at it and he wasn't. So basically, he would just wait for me to say stuff. He didn't have much imagination. And when he was trying to say something, it was always really...like...."my c...in your p.....", and it was just turning me off. I was like "and? what else? is that all you could come up with?". Now I get that guys are way more visual than girls but a little imagination would have been nice.
The last thing i wanted was our texts to look like some cheap script of a porn movie. I
Now that was the fun part. There's always a little-less fun part though. That was the guy I was sort of involved with for 2 years. 2 years ago, we were sending each other pictures when we were together. Then we went our different ways, then talked again, then stopped speaking, he saw lots of other girls, I didn't date anyone (I had feelings for him so it took me a little while to get over him), and then finally, we saw each other again this year. We fooled around. And one day he was like: "I have to tell you something, I kept the pictures you sent me 2 years ago". I didn't really believe him until he sent me those pictures. He was like :" I have a folder with everything you ever sent me. It's hidden on my computer". I was a bit creeped out when he said that. At one point, when we weren't speaking, he was dating that girl for like 5 months, he was telling everyone that he was crazy about her blah blah blah (I've always known it would never work, I know him better than he knows himself), it didn't work out (obviously), but I then I thought: the whole time he was with her, he was still using my pictures...how..classy.
He went travelling for a month and told me he had uploaded pictures of me to take with him. At first, I was a bit reluctant to send pictures with my face on them, but he was like "no, I want to see your face, don't send just your body parts". He sent me some pictures too, that was part of our deal.
Now, we aren't speaking anymore. Despite the fact that we were friends, that I know him better than most people around him, that he once had feelings for me but "couldn't let himself fall in love with me", he wasn't interested in having a committed relationship with me. I told him I couldn't do that anymore, that I wanted more, and we ended everything.
Now comes the not-so-cool part. The first thing I did when we broke everything off was to delete his pictures. They didn't mean anything to me anymore. I would look at them and think "Someone else is touching him, I'm not". But I don't know if he kept my pictures. I hope he didn't. I'll never know for sure. And that makes me uncomfortable. I only did it with him, but I doubt I'll do it again. For that particular reason. Maybe when I'm married. until then, it's absolutely out of the question.
Voilà.
oops sorry for the mistakes. I'm french, it's the end of the day....Im a little tired.
Sexting with no pictures... I've done. Exciting and fun, to be honest. And a really good way to end the day when you can't sleep in the same bed. My ex always wanted me to send him pictures of me (naked, obviously), but I just never could do it. In the back of my mind I could always hear a voice, "What if you break up? What if you break uuuuuup???" Now, months later, after breaking up and realizing what a lying jerk he was, I'm thankful I never did. And I'm sure I'll never do it. Just not worth all the drama.
Sexting without pics is ok. Nude pictures are too risky and, if you plan to go into a professional career, just plain stupid. Besides the trusting-a-potential-ex issue, there's accidental problems (like you mentioned, losing the phone, someone getting a hold of the phone - all very common). Remember, once it's on the internet, it's there foreverrr!
Anything sexted just between two people is fine so long as they use the app that deletes your text messages after they are read... but be careful, there could always be an app that undeletes them.
I've sent naughty pics before, but none w/ my face. Sexting is the trendy way of saying "cyber sex on your phone." Good for those that may not have had time to swing by for that booty call or those that are good with words and multi-tasking.
Photo scandals aren't a new thing - Even Marilyn Monroe had some issues. I think that as they become more and more common, they'll become less of a big deal.
That being said, I'm not sure you can ever delete a digital photo - it's way to easy to make a copy.
I forwarded some great sext pictures to a special email account and then,... accidentally sent them to my wife. That took a while to explain... Lesson: Do Not make the same mistake.
Uhh, isn't your lesson supposed to be: "NEVER EVER CHEAT YOUR WIFE"?
Um... right?
Long distance relationship. I never thought I would, but we get so emo over the phone..bleh. I worry too about the 'cyberspace' concept, imagining that even though he's promised he deleted them like I asked afterwards they might still be floating out there somewhere! eeek! The whole 'what if we break up?' concept is one I forgot to seriously consider. One time my phone said it 'sent' to his address, but he never got it??? WHERE DID IT GO????!
sexting with pictures..BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU LEAVE YOUR FACE OUT OF THE PICTURE DUHHHH!!! hahha come on...guys don't want to see your face they want to see your boobs and vagina!!
My personal rule: if I don't want to explain it to my mother or own up to it in confession, don't do it. Prudish? Maybe. But never shall I be caught with naughty bits exposed.
No nude pictures...funny guy is right...you never know when it will come back to haunt you....
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My number ONE rule for sexting is NEVER HAVE YOUR FACE IN THE PHOTO. EVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER, no exceptions. Don't care if you've been married to the guy/gal for 20 years. NO FACE. Tits, ass, vag, dick, what have you....BUT NO FACE! I think I've made my point.
I agree with the "no face" people. Bad, bad, bad. Been there done that, and it still worries me to this day. Sexting -- pics= Good I suppose. Me, I'm not one for sexting. Even dirty talk during real life sex gives me the heeby jeebies.