Philosopher-king and rapper-extraordinaire Jay-Z surmised after a hard fought battle over pop chart supremacy with 50 Cent that, "Men lie, women lie; numbers don't lie." While he was indeed lying and proving his point- as we all know, 87.9 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot - he could never be telling more truth. Confusing, huh? Well the fact is, men lie at nearly every possible opportunity.
I'm probably lying to you right now about the fact I just shared.
Why?
Because I'm a man.
(Oh, let's be clear. Women lie a lot too. Thing is, women lie much bigger and more catastrophically.)
So without further adieu, let us begin.
1. She's just my friend.
A man only says this when confronted about how he knows another woman for which some sort of awkward interaction occurred. If you look closely enough, there's invisible text there that says "...with benefits" or "...that used to do that thing you don't do but should probably do" or "..that I used to have chandelier monkey sex with."
Thing is, women do this too but usually they go further with it and say something like, "He's some guy that Michelle was sleeping with and I was just surprised to see him, considering his cocaine habit and all." Women are such evil creatures sometimes.
2. You're the only woman I've ever told, "I love you."
For one, he's told his mother that at least once, but most of us don't count our mothers as "women" per se. They're mothers and above the rest of you boobs. Pun intended. However, he's probably just trying to make you feel special so you should accept his claim even if you know it's a lie. And it's more like a fib, not a lie, anyway.
3. No baby, you're not bad at it at all. I like teeth!
Just be glad he's not punching you on the top of your head. Here's a Panama Jackson PSA: You use teeth to bite things. NWA, the family-oriented rap group from Compton from the late 80s and early 90s (assuming I'm not getting them confused with The Wiggles), had a famous line, "don't matter just don't bite it." Stop it. But we tell you this because we love you anyway. If we start pinching you though, that's why.
4. I like that we have sex once a week. It gives us a chance to talk.
We hate talking. Talking is for Dr. Phil, girlfriends, and seniors who run out of Cialis.
5. I like that we have sex once a week.
No, he doesn't. He'd like you to be naked while at home 24/7 and would appreciate if you'd mount him whenever possible. But that gets into the whole submission thing and next thing you know somebody brings up Leif Ericson and Vikings and things just go bad from there. Either way, he's lying.
Those are some definite lies that men tell. Can you think of others? Thinking caps people.
Explore.
i dont get # 1?
my man asks me who guys are i speak to once in a while and i always say just a friend from highschool and i have never touched them..
so why when he says shes just a friend its a lie?
Because in the illustrious words of Chris Rock, men don't have platonic friends, we just have friends we haven't f*cked...yet.
Or so says Chris Rock. I, on the other hand, have nothing but platonic female friends. So I'm always telling the truth.
Chris Rock summed up male/female relationships PERFECTLY in that show. I can't remember a time I've agreed with anything as much as I did when I first saw Bigger and Blacker. Awesome show.
That quip was actually from his first one back in 96, "Bring The Pain". But they're all full of great and odd relationship advice and introspection. LOL. Chris Rock has come a long way from being Pookie on New Jack City.
Are you not lying by saying you've never lied?
Here's one(I think): "I never loved her the way that I love you"
I'll never teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell. I'll never teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell.
"but i just kissed her!"
ugh.
"I'll call you right back."
Yeaaaahhhh, riiiiiiiight...
How about "It's just oral, i don't have feelings for her."
Hate it.
Unfortunately, probably not a lie, in that some guys can divorce their feelings from that sort of circumstance. If this was your boyfriend, however, that's different.
oooh baby sometimes I just want to hold you. ( who is in his head that he can't get out long enough to have sex with his wife)
I didn't even notice her
I didn't want to watch the game anyways
I don't like blowjobs
It lookes fine...lol fine either means meh or he didn't even look - default safety word
She meant nothing to me - there are other ways of saying this but in this phrasing it's usually a lie
I think we should just be friends...
baby i will leave her just give me some time
(this is sucha lie ladies)
my fiance says that, she just a friend, and im not cheating on you, i love you and i will never leave you for another women.
the thing is we have a daugther togather and two boys that are step bothers.
but hes always texting and talking with his women friend secretly.
I think with the friend thing, they would have to be friends before we had gone out. I have 2 best friends (both boys!) but I've known them both for many years and they don't find me attractive as a mate at all! For a while there, I thought one did, but he didn't. They both treat me like they would treat their favorite sister; it would be as weird for me to date them as it would my own brother. They feel as related to me as my real siblings.
A lot of people get really offended by this, but it's not like I'm purposely trying to piss others off, these two guys just happened to connect with me nonsexually and I've introduced them to boyfriends of mine in the past (they live in different cities than I do) so it's not like my man has to worry that I'm cheating on him with them. Not to be a bitch, but if I was going to cheat, I would make sure it was someone he didn't know. I don't cheat though. Never have, never will.
nice
Some men like teeth.
The reasons are diverse. Mine is:
I want to get a little dominated by a hot mouth, having to trust her. I don't want pain, just a gentle wild animalistic looking expression with playful teeth gripping and teasing my cock. It's the thrill/kick of having to trust her there!
Don't wish me a bitten off dick or i wish Bungee-Jumpers and skydivers a broken off neck!
I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this blog. Keep up the great work.
hahha I agree