My final blog of the year will be dedicated to something close to your hearts; actually, over your hearts - Boobs. Or, if you prefer the Latin: tits.
The questions, concerns, pains and prides surrounding your breasts has no end. Specifically I'd like to focus on nipples, the body part whose sheer number of questions this year makes it hands down The Most Insecure Body Part 2011.
Ladies, you are looking at this all wrong. Nipples are, by design, funny little skinamajobbies. I mean seriously, pull down your shirt right now and take a look. Weirdzy, right? Don't get so bent out of shape that the shape and color isn't... magazine ready. Most magazine nipples aren't magazine ready. I understand symmetry matters, and given the choice, an areola covering 95% of a breast isn't reason to celebrate, but c'est la vie. Relax. Tough titties.
Don't worry about not being the It Girl. You already are. You are it. Look no further. That's the problem with human nature, right? We are always coveting our neighbors nipples and convinced ours suck.
The fact is, women get screwed when it comes to the nipple because (A) man's nipple is under no obligation to look nice and (B) man's nut sack, 800 times more bizarre and pure ugly than nipples, is tucked away and gets away with aesthetic murder.
More importantly, remember, when most men are tumbling around in bed with you, they're only there to accept and enjoy you -- not find ways to diminish you. If it's a new hook up partner, relax. They're, quite likely, too busy tending to their own anxieties to bug out over your droopies, or left to right size imbalance. They've got a veiny testicle to shield with their hand, they've got a mole on their foot to bury under the sheets, a back filled with zits to worry about and a penis that barely measures 2 inches when it's cold.
The more you kick back and enjoy your body, the more the men in your life will follow your lead. It's like that Field of Dreams quote, "If you celebrate it. They will come."
You're right man. I was feeling self conscious before about my boobs. But when the idea of having plastic surgery makes me feel like plastic, and when I realize that the first thing that my man goes for when we're doing the deed are my twins and the look on his face when he's playing with them, I stop giving a shit.
I think all breasts are awesome!