I get the question often enough that I should take some time, before 2011 comes to a close, to address it.
No, you should not just pop a finger up your boyfriend's butt. Nor should you just go and lick his butt, either (again, to use proper medical terminology, this is called a "rimjob"). These are not things you just do, OK? You ask, first. And that's a two-way street, to any boyfriends of readers looking over her shoulder.
I'll be honest, I've never answered this question because I'm baffled as to how it can even be asked. It really seems like one of those "do unto others" things: I'd never just put a finger up anybody's butt unless they specifically asked. It seems obvious, like "Don't go jogging on the highway" or "Don't urinate on high voltage lines".
This isn't to say that people don't necessarily enjoy a finger up the butt, or even a rimjob, but it's also the kind of thing you generally have a conversation about first. The first, and hopefully most obvious, issue is one of disgust: some people are just completely grossed out by the idea, and frankly, you really don't want to try and reduce that disgust. Ever seen a bidet? Yeah, like that.
The second is a little more complex: it's rare that a person doesn't have uncomfortable and conflicted feelings about letting somebody near the back door. This can be for any number of reasons: social taboos, bad experiences, you name it. But to a lot of people, it's a very personal area, and falls under the category of sleeping dogs.
In short, yes, you can do it. No, it should not be a surprise.
As for where this idea has come from, readers have pointed out elsewhere that this idea seems to have only one big proponent: Cosmopolitan. Which raises the question of what, exactly, Cosmo writers are up to and whether or not they actually try these little nuggets of sex advice. Somehow, I suspect the answer is no.
Either that or every month, there are a wave of butthurt boyfriends.
Butthurt :3
I'd like to add to your list of "ask first, don't surprise"...neck-choking, spanking, squirting cum on a face, girl on girl or 3some action, or any porn-perpetuated myth. It's not just Cosmo.
While true, I'd file that in a different category simply because Cosmo claims to be offering advice.
Yeah, you ask first. My butt is private.
I once kept an entire year's worth of Cosmo and before tossing them looked at the headlines. They were all variations on the same theme: how to touch a man, ten ways to a better orgasm, what your OB/GYN isn't telling you, and the latest diet fad that'll help you keep the pounds off.
It's my guilty pleasure, though. I've often thought that a virgin like me could give advice just as reputable on how best to touch a man. Tip #1? Ask him. Everyone's different.
lmao someone watches South Park by the title that is chosen. Also about this topic... I can say that I've only encounter one guy out of a handful that I've dated, who enjoys poking his back door with a finger from a girl.
But I think it's different for girls, mostly because the Porn industry has embraced this body part more for women. So most men either want to do that, want to watch it, or watch to talk about it with a woman. But this is less finger and more penis instead.
Actually, the original song is courtesy of Samwell, and if you haven't seen the video: it's hilarious.
Okay, what about the opposite prob??? I'm dating a guy who is obsessed with the area- wants to perform a,b, and c on me. I worry that he is all ass kink energy and no "make love" energy. He is constantly joking about it, and I am afraid our sexual chemistry is going to fizzle if he keeps mentioning it. How do I address this?
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