While I might not know what looks good on a runway or on the street, I sure as shootin' know non-sense when I see it. From LA to NYC, people dressed ironically and uber-trendy hipsters and rappers have all come to the table of textiles with their own thread of promise and potential. That sentence didn't make any sense. Either way, fact is, there's some craptastic fashion in these streets, both retro and current. Allow me to highlight some of the more confusing trends.
1. Sleeveless turtlenecks
I HATE these "shirts" with the passion of Mel Gibson. Sleeveless turlenecks spit in the face of conventional cold weather attire. And that's the thing - just when in the %*^* do you wear it? Is it summer gear or winter gear? What good is keeping your neck warm if you arms are cold? And who the hell would put on warm weather stuff like a turtle neck if its truly warm enough to NOT HAVE SLEEVES? Do you see why this keeps me awake at night? What kind of paroled lunatic manufactured this non-sense!?! I need answers people. Answers!
Okay, I'm cool. Deep breaths.
2. Skinny jeans
While nuthuggers are good when there is actually a woman hugging your nuts, there really is no good reason to wear pants so tight that you can't actually pull them all the way up. That? Is just dumb. Add to the all the colorful Ed Hardy like shenanigans that are being sported lately, and all the rappers today look like the guys that rappers used to beat up. And the white guys that wear them but AREN'T in a emo-band, well, the 80s -the skinny jean heyday for white guys- was not a time of good fashion and is largely frowned upon there, Bon Jovi. Why not just feather your hair too, Jim Bob?
3. Parachute/hammer pants
I saw somebody wear a pair of these recently. What an odd piece of clothing. When babies have that much hanging, it's because they've poo'd on themselves. Yet I saw a grown man walking around looking like he'd crapped himself and his Depends blew up. Odd.
4. Neck tattoos
While I recognize that a tattoo isn't a piece of clothing per se, some people find a way to fit their tats into their clothing regimens. So for the record, a tattoo on your neck is basically telling the world that you don't aspire to gainful employment and it's rockstar or bust for you. Oh, it also says, "I make bad decisions in life unless I have a platinum album or own my own company that actually turns a profit."
5. Bangles
This is for the guys out there. For us, The Bangles was just a woman's group with a song written by Prince that took them to the top. Do not wear bangles.
6. Murses
Mostly because I cannot understand how a straight guy can justify rocking a purse. You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still just bacon, beyotch.
Those are some fashion faux pas that I just don't understand. Some of which I've seen just today (here's looking at you bangle man!).
What are some of your fashion faux pas?
I HATE these "shirts" with the passion of Mel Gibson. Sleeveless turlenecks spit in the face of conventional cold weather attire. And that's the thing - just when in the %*^* do you wear it? Is it summer gear or winter gear? What good is keeping your neck warm if you arms are cold? And who the hell would put on warm weather stuff like a turtle neck if its truly warm enough to NOT HAVE SLEEVES? Do you see why this keeps me awake at night? What kind of paroled lunatic manufactured this non-sense!?! I need answers people. Answers!
Okay, I'm cool. Deep breaths.
2. Skinny jeans
While nuthuggers are good when there is actually a woman hugging your nuts, there really is no good reason to wear pants so tight that you can't actually pull them all the way up. That? Is just dumb. Add to the all the colorful Ed Hardy like shenanigans that are being sported lately, and all the rappers today look like the guys that rappers used to beat up. And the white guys that wear them but AREN'T in a emo-band, well, the 80s -the skinny jean heyday for white guys- was not a time of good fashion and is largely frowned upon there, Bon Jovi. Why not just feather your hair too, Jim Bob?
3. Parachute/hammer pants
I saw somebody wear a pair of these recently. What an odd piece of clothing. When babies have that much hanging, it's because they've poo'd on themselves. Yet I saw a grown man walking around looking like he'd crapped himself and his Depends blew up. Odd.
4. Neck tattoos
While I recognize that a tattoo isn't a piece of clothing per se, some people find a way to fit their tats into their clothing regimens. So for the record, a tattoo on your neck is basically telling the world that you don't aspire to gainful employment and it's rockstar or bust for you. Oh, it also says, "I make bad decisions in life unless I have a platinum album or own my own company that actually turns a profit."
5. Bangles
This is for the guys out there. For us, The Bangles was just a woman's group with a song written by Prince that took them to the top. Do not wear bangles.
6. Murses
Mostly because I cannot understand how a straight guy can justify rocking a purse. You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still just bacon, beyotch.
Those are some fashion faux pas that I just don't understand. Some of which I've seen just today (here's looking at you bangle man!).
What are some of your fashion faux pas?
Summer scarves. They are temptingly cute, but it is WRONG to wear a scarf in the summer. It just is.
As is wearing Ugg boots with a skirt or shorts. If your feet need fuzzy comfortable warmth, so do your legs. Put on sweat pants.
NO! She didn't mean that! DO NOT PUT ON SWEAT PANTS!
6. Murses
Dude, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one...
And for the record, if I ever saw a man wearing bangles I would not be able to control my laughter. His man-card would be immediately and permantly revoked. It's ridiculous that you even have to make a point of telling men not to wear them. Are there really guys out there that think that's ok?
Clothes that look like they belong in a crayola box.
Leather tank top.
Maxi-skirts.
Cut-Out Silhouettes
FALL 2010 I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
It's a European carry-all!
Heh heh, just kidding - those things are la-haaaaaame.
I would just like to mention the fact that Old Navy thinks it's 1985. Leg-warmers and stirrup pants? Really? What's next, shoulder pads?
Screw that. I lived through it once, and that was enough.
I actually don't have a problem with skinny jeans on guys. Or at least like a slim fit. What most of the rappers wear now I think is fine. I hate bagginess on guys. It doesn't make you look more manly, just dumpy. Nothing needs to be skin tight, but I need to be able to see what I'm dealing with.
4. Neck Tattoos
I disagree with this one to an extent. Yes, it's true that seeing a gigantic skull and cross bones on some guy's (or girl's) neck can make employers shy away, but I have a tattoo on my neck just at my hair line (a famous quote in French). I am a High School English teacher and I neither had a difficult time getting a job, nor am I required to cover it up. I am aware that there are more conservative schools and companies out there, but to say that having a neck tattoo means you don't aspire to gainful employment is a stereotype... bad form JP, bad form. Also, incase you're curious, I have tattoos on both of my forearms as well and these have never been a hinderance in any job hunting opportunity.
I disagree with your neck tattoo comment. It depends where on the neck the tattoo is placed. I myself have a tattoo on the back of my neck which can easily be covered by my hair (I'm a girl so I have long hair). That being said, if you have a tattoo at the front of your neck, than yes, it could say that you make bad decisions in life, but I think placement is a key factor here.
wow, okay here goes:
things that would make me choose to traipse through town buck naked than wear these
*Acid wash jeans (why are they back?), jeans with ankle zippers, acid wash jeans w/ ankle zippers, neon anything, socks with open toe heels, the whole Britney Spears-circa-"Baby One More Time" look (saw a 40 something dressed like that the other day. i about lost my lunch), booty shorts in public (with that on, i might as well go naked- constant wedgies = epic "wardrobe malfunction" fail), anything w/ Juicy emblazoned across my ass (why, yes, i do in fact have a juicy ass. I don't need the additional broadcasting, thnx), velour anything, the whole hipster thing (i don't hate AA; i just never, ever shop there), denim jumpsuits (really?), rompers (which only belong on the pre-K set), certain mod prints that I swear look like a vagina and with all the red centers, not at any woman's favorite time of the month either and last but not least, JUST SAY NO TO JEGGINGS.
This entry is killing me softly! So true!
My faux pas? Shoulder pads. I thought that they'd never come back, but for some odd reason, looking like you're wearing football pads is what's hot in the streets....
Christian Audigier swim trunk
www.lookedhardy.com
You know those sleeveless like heavy wool turtleneck sleeveless abominations?
WOOL PEOPLE WOOL.
If it's too hot for sleeves, it's DEFINATELY too hot for wool. And a turtleneck is ugly anyway so why would you put yourself through that?
why do old people like to dress in sailor style prints - i saw a lady who was walking in the business district during lunch yesterday in one piece that was bright red, another that was bright sailour blue & a dress shirt that was pin striped blue - i think the cardigan was red but something in me is screaming no the skirt was red but either way I had to look away fast...
i really dislike cougar fashion - like cougars dressing the way prost-i-tots dress, I mean seriously? it's disturbing on both ends - and usually on anyone but people between 19-39 usually know better.
i also don't get short skirts with slits up the back - for work. i mean a suit skirt where your ass is almost dangling out is very unprofessional office attire
I like this topic & now want to go outside and find more because my memory is letting me down right now
The road is rough out there, friends. Wear shoes.
POINT OF ORDER: Flip-flops and Crocs are not shoes.
Neither are any heels that you can't actually walk in.