If a man has a discernable sense of fashion, or is swaddled in color-coordinated labels, then he is a man that has a girlfriend or a wife. Single men fall into two main style categories: button-down shirts and slacks or t-shirts and jeans. For the most part, we prefer to keep our fashion choices simple, because our dude-brains are preoccupied with more important thoughts, like how to kill zombies. If we could get away with wearing a camouflage Snuggie in polite society, we would.
And, to be honest, one of the perks of settling down and getting a girlfriend is the fact that they will dress us. Not that we need help, but shopping, and putting together outfits isn't a source of joy for men. To dudes, joy is... cooking large logs of animal carcass or hammering things with hammers that hammer. There is nothing joyful about shopping. Pretty much, when I shop, I imagine I'm a member of an elite Special Forces team. Like Delta Force, only instead of storming a terrorist bunker, it's the closest department store possible. I slip in, ninja-style, grab the closest pants or shirts I can, and then disappear. I don't even try the clothes on, as I know what size I am, pending the very first case of spontaneous obesity. The only men who spend time in public dressing rooms are men who are there with their women, who enjoy playing the game "Dumpy Dude Runway Show." The men do it because it's the price paid for having said woman style you.
I'm not being ungrateful, and I think most men will agree with me: it's a perk to date women who know how to and enjoy shopping. This aptitude must hearken back to some primitive, cavewoman "gathering" instinct, the way the male penchant for skateboarding into traffic recalls our own primitive, caveman "dying young" instinct. Every time in my life a chick I'm dating has suggested things to wear, I have benefited. Friends, co-workers, women at coffee shops all stop to compliment me, and it's, you know, nice. How is possible for a human being to know so much about shoes!
There was one relationship I had with a woman who was actually in the fashion industry. I honestly don't think I ever looked better. I was constantly giving myself the double-guns in every reflective surface I could find. Eventually, it became apparent our relationship wasn't going to work. She was refined and sophisticated. I was a human chili dog. With my very fingernails I clung on to her for as long as I could, because man, she made me look like an Italian James Bond.
But I did learn something from her about style. Women have it, men borrow it from women who have it.
Favorite phrases:
"Dumpy Dude Runway Show."
spontaneous obesity
I was a human chili dog (I think this should be the name of your book)
Unless you are a gay man. Then you'd better look good.
I am more attracted to the scruffy jeans and t-shirt I could give a shit kinda guy. Oh they turn me on. Add on an old baseball hat that's dirty with holes, oh my best friend has to hold me back. Add the callusus's on his hands, dirty fingernails, baby I am yours! Take me now!
*collasps*
Tell me about it... (the gay guy thing)
Geez, I'm the one being styled by gay guys, and it's unsettling. Although I have to be honest, I have no style at all. My mom still picks out my clothes (well... I let her pick out my clothes, she DOES have style). Currently I am wearing sweatpants COVERED in spilled flooring finish from my work this summer, a pair of ugg boots, and a gross old sweat shirt, with a dragonforce t-shirt about drinking irresponsibly. ... Wow, it's even worse typed out than on me.
That being said, I do like to shop alone. But I think that's just because I like to buy things...
Ugh, I am a woman who hates shopping. I totally relate to your Special Forces action in any store. In and out in 5 minutes, much like my ex.
Har, har, har...
But in all seriousness, if I am not out of a store after 20 minutes it is because the creepy sales clerk (you know who I'm talking about...there's at least one in every store, male or female) has tethered me to a clothes rack with a shock-collar on.
This is mostly true. I might add, following from Megan's comments, that it seems to be a fairly reliable indicator of one's sexual orientation too! Most of my gay friends seem to have much better fashion sense than the straight ones (ok, those have no fashion sense at all). I hate to say it, but *generally* if a guy's clothes are colour coordinated -- by which I mean not all blue with jeans/ all black with jeans/ or a shirt is well-cut -- and he's single................. he's 60% likely to be gay. Add to that mannerisms, etc, and your guess will be fairly accurate. There are straight men who have good fashion sense; I do know one (only one!) -- but they are the exception rather than the norm.