I cannot stand dressing up for Halloween. It's a holiday for children and for women. Little kids get to stuff their fat little piranha mouths with candy (candy corn is the worst sweet ever -- sad little teardrops of corn syrup and nougat is just French for "Chocolate that sucks.") And women get to dress slutty without fear of being judged. I am not anti-candy, nor am I against women expressing their sexuality. But, hypothetically, if Halloween was suddenly called off tomorrow, most dudes would shrug.
Coming up with a costume, spending a small fortune on one, or even worse, building an outfit are chores I can do without. And, beside, I'm a grown ass man -- I eat my burgers medium rare, bleed beer, and read The Economist. I don't "dress up." If I'm going to wear a mask, it's going to be a ninja mask. And I'm wearing it to save my future ex-wife from terrorists. Make-up? If I'm going to wear make-up, I'm going to own it and wear for one reason and one reason only -- too look pretty. Which is make-ups primary function. This is a ridiculous statement, however, because I'm not pretty. I'm ruggedly handsome, like the Rocky Mountains.
Even as a kid, I hated the whole dressing up part of the holiday. I wanted to cut to the chase. Growing up, my mother seemed to love to dress me up as a hobo, and I dutifully went along because I knew if I played ball, I'd get to Hoover vacuum up a King's ransom of Reese's Peanutbutter Cups, the Holy Grail of Halloween schwag. From the perspective of our current economic apocalypse, I find it odd that hobos were a socially accepted costume idea for kids, seeing as they were another generation's desperate homeless. What we thought were lovable, dirty clowns were actually broken, hungry people. But even as a young sprout, I knew that I'd be perfectly fine if Halloween were cancelled. Cancelled and replaced with The Night of Free Candy, where I'd stand outside my house with a butterfly net catching mini candy bar buckshot fired by men standing up in moving pick up trucks, armed with baseball stadium T-shirt cannons full of sucrose nuggets.
For adults, Halloween is just an excuse for women to affix the word "sexy" to anything, and then dress up as that "sexy" whatever. Sexy nurse. Sexy devil. Sexy lunch lady. It's a night where the ladies can unleash their inner-sex goddess and strut without fear of recrimination. Don't get me wrong: I think it's healthy to express oneself. Women are constantly judged on their appearances, by both genders. So Halloween has become the one time where they can show it all off, and not have to worry about wagging fingers, clucking moralists, or the dread, unfair "slut" label.
Yes, I'm being a Grinch. This Halloween, I'm dressing up as John DeVore. I have enough trouble dressing myself in the first place, much less trying to figure out how to look like this year's 10,000th Don Draper. But I offer a compromise. Instead of just one night of dressing up in imaginative and revealing costumes, why not make it every night. I don't know a dude alive who wouldn't want to roll into a club or bar and see a bunch of sexy French maids, vampires and nuns. Let's make Halloween everyday for women. And celebrate The Night of Free Candy for the kids.
And as a fan of horror movies, let's watch them Christmas Eve. Which is what I do.
I dress up for Halloween because the kids like it and if I don't I'm the uncool mom and not fun. Also, my best friend throws a party and my boyfriend always dresses up like a Starfleet Captain for it. Let me just say that if he wanted to wear that more often, I would not be opposed.
Halloween is the one night I'd rather stay in alone.
I'm with you, homeslice. I NEVER liked dressing up for Halloween. I'm just PRAYING that now that I have a child I won't be forced into family dress up games. Though if I can dress up as Peter Griffin I might be willing to go along with.
Okay, I'm lying and that was a terrible idea. I'm sorry and I repent.
who doesn't like to dress up for halloween? it's the one day of the year that you can dress up like a whore or (as a guy) admire those of us that do dress up like whores and get away with it. not to mention the scary movies, and haunted houses and all around autumn magic that occurs on this day. gheesh, you guys need to live a little.
oh and even though i'm not a parent, i would totally dig rifling through my kid's candy at the end of the night. :)
I dress up every year as a mildly bored suburban dad accompanying his child on a candy-gathering mission only to make sure she doesn't get snatched up by some creep. When she's not looking I take my favorites from her candy stash. I consider it my fee for providing security.
ha.... that's funny.
Maybe it's the theater geek in me, but I'm shocked by the reaction here. I love Halloween, love dressing up, and love candy (physically, on occasion). And as I've aged, Halloween's just gotten better and better! Nowadays, I can take a shot and chase it with a handful of candy corn (the best, most delicious candy ever--when compared to a shot of 151).
Go you. I totally concurr. I don't usually dress like a "sexy whatever" and I still love dressing up and having fun. It's a night to get to be something you're not, whether that's someone sexy or otherwise, and not be judged.
Oh DeVo, I bet for the right woman you would dress up!
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