Such as...

The woman in my leasing office who wears the same pants EVERY day of the week. You have no idea how many bets I've won by placing harmless $20 wagers on what you are going to have on. The key is make it seem like I have no idea and just be right. You've made me at least $80. Thank you.

The crossing guards near my job whose sole purpose is to safely direct traffic. There is no end to the entertainment you dolts provide with your ineptitude at directing traffic at the main intersection. Nobody knows whether to stop, go, cry, or waddle. Your signal for stop and go is the exact same and most of us just close our eyes and hit the gas hoping we made the right decision. By the way, you did make that woman when you yelled at her for not stopping despite the fact that her light was green and you clearly indicated for her to go. Jumping on her hood was completely unnecessary by the way.

The District of Columbia Parking Enforcment Agency. Oh how I love thee. And do you know why? You know I have more disposable income than I need. It generally burns a hole in my pocket so you decide to alleviate it from me by giving me parking tickets galore. I park where it says park and you tell me that I can't park there between the hours of 7am to 659am despite the fact that there is no sign indicating as such...which leads me to...

The District of Columbia Traffic Court Judge who told me that despite all of the evidence to the contrary, I was in violation of the parking laws. Thank you for reminding me that law is a matter of opinion, not fact for I had forgotten. No wonder that whole Plessy v. Ferguson thing passed.

The possibly homeless guy who plays music at the nearest Metro (subway) station to my home. Oh how I appreciate your rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon In The Sky". But oh how I was pained when you told me that you were actually playing Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide". One of us was wrong. What if God was one of us? I don't know what he'd do either in that situation.

My neighbor who is silent from 6am to 9pm and then decides at 10pm to blast his music as loud as possible well into the wee hours of the morning. Why does this make sense. You are unemployed. You can't be a douchebag during the day? You just HAVE to pick nights? Thank you for reminding me why I need to buy a home as quickly as possible.

Thank you all for your love.

Who might you like to thank a little bit early?