My wife and I were out with friends not long ago and the subject of
waiting tables came up. Of the six of us there, I was the only one who
had never been a waiter.
"I think everyone should wait tables at least once in their lives," one friend said. Really? It's good to think things, I told her.
There's nothing wrong with waiting tables. In fact, my hat is off to all of you who have waited tables or worked successfully in any other kind of retail. It's harder than it looks. I just think there are two kinds of people in this world: those whose personalities are suited to retail employment, and those who need to need to stay far away from the general public.
Your friendly neighborhood Wise-Ass falls squarely in the latter.
It's not that I don't like people; I do. It's that I have trouble hiding my true feelings in a given situation, particularly amusement. And people tend not to like it when you laugh at them, especially when they're trying to give you money.
I did work in retail once. Once. It was right after college. My day job paid peanuts so I took an extra part-time gig at Macy's in the local mall. Hilarity ensued.
I worked in the men's department, and one of my first challenges came about two weeks into the job when a guy got annoyed because the item he was buying wasn't ringing up at the advertised discount. Each time I tried, he got even angrier.
"Let me call a manager," I told him.
"Good," he said. "I'm not leaving here without my discount."
I grinned. It was just a reaction. His discount was 10% on a pair of $1.95 socks: a whopping 19 cents (Macy's rounded down).
"What's so funny?"
Oops. He wasn't kidding. I wanted to say, "How about I just give you a quarter and we call it even?" but figured that wasn't a good idea.
Soon after that, people started asking me my favorite question, one that I would hear 500 times if I heard it once: "Do you work here?"
Picture it: it's 9:28 on a Tuesday night at the mall department store, which is practically empty except for part-time employees cleaning up their areas and folding clothes. I'm wearing a tie, khakis, church shoes and the world's largest name tag that reads "MACY'S" in giant lettering and has a ginormous blue ribbon hanging from it with "#1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION" or some such nonsense written on it. I'm the only person for miles around, and I'm folding a giant pile of crappy store-brand cotton-ramie blend sweaters when some knucklehead walks up and asks, "Do you work here?"
No, I was bored so I dropped in to fold some sweaters.
Nah, it's more like volunteering.
Not if I can help it.
These are the things I wanted to say, but didn't. Instead, I smiled. How could I not? And that made people mad sometimes. I tried not to do it, but the harder I tried, the bigger I grinned. I couldn't help myself.
I know what you're thinking. Just another asshole retail employee. And you're right. I was 22 and clueless. Now I'm older and whenever I encounter someone like me at a store, I want to clock them. But then I remember how hard it is to work in retail, and I let it go.
Right after I ask them, "Do you work here?"
"I think everyone should wait tables at least once in their lives," one friend said. Really? It's good to think things, I told her.
There's nothing wrong with waiting tables. In fact, my hat is off to all of you who have waited tables or worked successfully in any other kind of retail. It's harder than it looks. I just think there are two kinds of people in this world: those whose personalities are suited to retail employment, and those who need to need to stay far away from the general public.
Your friendly neighborhood Wise-Ass falls squarely in the latter.
It's not that I don't like people; I do. It's that I have trouble hiding my true feelings in a given situation, particularly amusement. And people tend not to like it when you laugh at them, especially when they're trying to give you money.
I did work in retail once. Once. It was right after college. My day job paid peanuts so I took an extra part-time gig at Macy's in the local mall. Hilarity ensued.
I worked in the men's department, and one of my first challenges came about two weeks into the job when a guy got annoyed because the item he was buying wasn't ringing up at the advertised discount. Each time I tried, he got even angrier.
"Let me call a manager," I told him.
"Good," he said. "I'm not leaving here without my discount."
I grinned. It was just a reaction. His discount was 10% on a pair of $1.95 socks: a whopping 19 cents (Macy's rounded down).
"What's so funny?"
Oops. He wasn't kidding. I wanted to say, "How about I just give you a quarter and we call it even?" but figured that wasn't a good idea.
Soon after that, people started asking me my favorite question, one that I would hear 500 times if I heard it once: "Do you work here?"
Picture it: it's 9:28 on a Tuesday night at the mall department store, which is practically empty except for part-time employees cleaning up their areas and folding clothes. I'm wearing a tie, khakis, church shoes and the world's largest name tag that reads "MACY'S" in giant lettering and has a ginormous blue ribbon hanging from it with "#1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION" or some such nonsense written on it. I'm the only person for miles around, and I'm folding a giant pile of crappy store-brand cotton-ramie blend sweaters when some knucklehead walks up and asks, "Do you work here?"
No, I was bored so I dropped in to fold some sweaters.
Nah, it's more like volunteering.
Not if I can help it.
These are the things I wanted to say, but didn't. Instead, I smiled. How could I not? And that made people mad sometimes. I tried not to do it, but the harder I tried, the bigger I grinned. I couldn't help myself.
I know what you're thinking. Just another asshole retail employee. And you're right. I was 22 and clueless. Now I'm older and whenever I encounter someone like me at a store, I want to clock them. But then I remember how hard it is to work in retail, and I let it go.
Right after I ask them, "Do you work here?"
i work at a fast food place, and the customers are a pain. each picture clearly shows what's on the food, and yet they can't figure it out. they don't understand what a "combo" is. they don't know that there's such a thing as a sales tax. and SO MANY people will just leave their trays and garbage on the damn table, in the middle of lunch hour. and then there are the rude/angry/picky customers. the customer is NOT always right, and i really wish the snobs could trade places with me a day and see what it's like........
"It's good to think things." hahaha! I love this post! Thanks for the laughs to start my day off right. You've definitely found your niche in writing humor. :-)
I worked a movie theater in high school.
It's inspired me to avoid low-paying work ever since.
I have NEVER worked in food service... no waiting tables, no cooking, NOTHING. I had a teacher in 8th grade who told me I'd end up a waitress so ever since then I have refused to work in that industry, just to prove that old biddy wrong. You're right Cary, it's good to think things... and it's good to still hate your 8th grade art teacher! lol
I was a waitress and bartender for a while. Some people liked my snarky personality, but many didn't get it. I'm actually not unfriendly, I just have a sarcastic sense of humor. It got me in trouble.
I probably should never go out in public. Most people really don't understand me.
I wish I had the option to work from home. I'm pushing 50 and still having to deal with the public, now as a nurse. Talk about having to keep your snark in check. It's frustrating.
You sound somewhat like me. I've waited tables, served drinks, and now work as a nurse in med/surg. I find it to be a perfect outlet for the odd tongue in cheek comments. Not rude comments, but funny stuff because laughter is the best medicine. Especially with the oldies. There is nothing like having a hospital room with a couple sassy old girls who have been there and done everything. It does my heart good. And night shifts at the nursing station when the humor turns dark and goofy. No where else could we get away with saying what we do.
Oh, Cary... I so appreciate your wise-assness.
Working with the general public builds character. At a minimum, it teaches people (who have half a thimble's worth of insight, anyway) whether or not they are cut out to work with people.
That said, I know my boundaries and much like you, face time with people who behave like chodes just isn't for me. I have a filter and I know how to use it, but some people aren't worthy.
HAHAHAHAHA! Cary...I would totally have bought one of those crappy cotton-ramie sweaters from you...I wish more retail peeps had a personality that wasn't so "Stepford wife meets Disney Happiest Place On Earth-ish."
Gotta share mine...
I was a waitress during college at the Olive Garden, which we staff affectionately referred to as the Olive Pit....and had to wear those Godforsaken green button nametags with the "kroy lettering name stuck to it".
Well, I took my name off, and where it said Hello I'm______, I typed a tag that said "Hey Miss?", because damn if that's what customers don't call ya anyway, right? Got in trouble.
The new manager introduced himself to me before the reprimand, and said, good evening, I'm Mr. Wright....and (knowing that this was too good to pass up) I said....OMG...Mr. Right? I've been looking for you my whole life!"
He just stared at me with a sneer.
No sense of humor, that place, ya know?
Retails sucks
Ha, yeah I've worked in retail for about a year and a half now.. Some customers are just.. dumb. My favorite very common incident is when a customer buys one item, I ring it up, their total comes to a few dollars more than the price written on the item, and they get FURIOUS at me for overcharging them. And then I have to calmly explain to them that, (like 95% of the items they've bought in their life), the price written on their item does not include something called TAX, (dumbass).
OH and¸it's incredible how many people don't know how a debit machine works. I try not to sound sarcastic/condescending every time (and it happens a lot) a customer asks me where the 'OK' button is on the machine.. And I have to answer 'it's the big green button written OK on it'..
& There are so many other examples, I could go on forever. Seriously, the above two are examples of dumb customers, but the worst are rude, self-righteous ones, or gross perverted ones. When I first started working there I was very pleasant and kept calm no matter what. By now though, if someone gives me attitude, they'll get it right back. Working in retail has made me become a b*tch haha
Actually WA, I do think everyone should work waiting tables for a month, hell even a WEEK, just to know what its like to deal with assholes when you're working a service oriented job. It would just make a difference in the world, I'm totally serious! (I can almost hear you saying, 'It's good to be serious...' ;-P) Many people treat service employees so disrespectfully if they had a taste of that perhaps it would help more people to be kinder. I'm a bit of an idealist. So sue me.
HA - I have always had part time work throughout high school and Uni working as a waitress, in a high street shop and a luxury brand shop. It is DEFINITELY character building - and it makes you realise that the general public are majority AHOLES and MINDLESS. You really do have to bite your tongue 80% of the time and at the same time 80% of that time you are conjuring up in your head what you WISH you could tell them to their faces. I definitely got my own back recently when years after I worked there - I was in said luxury brand shop as a customer, standing in line behind this AWFUL AWFUL person who was so rude to the girl serving her. She eventually left, but came storming back over while I was then being served interrupting rudely to yell at the girl about her receipt. WELL - having been that girl on the receiving end many a time - I decided to say what the assistant couldn't. I gave her what for!! It was the moment i had been waiting for my whole retail life. Never have I got so much satisfaction from telling this snarky woman what she was!! HER FACE was a picture I will never forget :D
Retail Nighmares, you are my hero. I bet that salesgirl remembers YOU for the rest of her life.
B
I have worked in retail and food service- both can be good or bad. Retail customers are worse because they are usually on a mission, while people eating out are hoping to have a good time. While there are always the cheap-os and the persnickety customers- 9 times out of 10 I love the people I get to serve and usually end up having good laughs, good talks and good tips. Maybe I just lucked out!
I've never waited tables, but I used to work as a maid the 4 yrs I was in high school, and after that I worked at a Family Dollar for 4 months. (The boss, thought I was too "slow", I have learning disability and I thought he was being decrimitory.) Since then I've worked 4 differant jobs. My last one was working with the elderly at a liveing asisted home
WA, I don't know if you've ever been to Walt Disney World, but I actually worked there on their college program and I can totally relate to the "do you work here?" question... I always tried to be understanding (hey they are in an unfamiliar place and they're excited to be there) but really ma'am/sir/random Brazilian tourist WHAT self-respecting 21 year old girl do you think would willingly wear PLEATED pants and an unflattering button up shirt that can only make one look like a futuristic boy-scout?! (bonus points if anyone who's been there can guess where I worked :-D ) Now don't get me wrong, it was probably the best 9 months of my life and I'm currently waiting to hear if I get an internship with them for after I graduate, but there were sometimes I wanted to look at guests and just say "REALLY?!"
I've also worked in restaurants pretty much my entire working career and I truly think it's the most ridiculous amount of stress for the amount you get paid. I've worked fast food and in sit-down restaurants and both are pretty unfavorable... I've served, bartended, cooked, ran food, and was even the person in the back trying to get the cooks to get the food out on time... I'd say I was most unhappiest working in the sit-down restaurant even though I was making a bit more money. It's so much drama. If a server needs $200 to make her rent payment and she only makes $150 that night, it's all your fault-not the person who took the order, was too busy gabbing in the back, went to have a cigarette when they should have been checking their tables, etc. It's a bit less $ but I work in a fast food restaurant now and work with some older people but the majority are 16/17 year olds... So much less stress! Even if there is petty high school drama, I am not even close to getting involved... The only downside are really no boys my age, sadly. Haha
All in all, I have to say working the jobs I've worked have certainly helped make me more understanding of how the whole process works. I'm more understanding and I think I tip a bit better when I eat out (unless you were really bad-then hell hath no wrath like a Kelly scorned... Not really) And I know when I have kids someday and bring them to Disney they'll probably be the best behaving kids ever-there are some things parents let their kids do (climb on/under/over chains we use to make queues for rides for example) that my parents never let me do when we went there, and then when the kid falls they look at me like it's my fault after I already asked 3 times for your kid to stop doing that... Ok.. Rant over! Have a magical day!!! 8( =-]
I have worked retail for 26 years, I started out in high school working at an Ames department store. We always ha to wear these stupid smocks and I always thought it was hilarious because inevitably someone would ask me if I worked there and after years if hearing it I started responding with " no I just wear the smock and name tag to make fashion statement" most of the time people just looked at me stupidly until I would say yes I work here. One time I had a customer screaming at me at the courtesy desk and I responded can you hold on a second and let me get someone who makes more money than I do and gets paid to be yelled at. The customer was stunned then appoligized. I always try to be nice but when they start yelling first then I am done and will not go out of my way to help them solve the problem. If we were lawyers or Dr's I would bet they wouldn't treat people that way. I have always felt that every single person should have to work retail for one christmas during their life and they wouldn't treat people that way ever again! Its called learning respect for others!
I was working in a gift shop one Christmas, and we had the obligatory Santa stand-in. We had a fancy sign with Santa's hours, clearly posted in big numbers. It never failed - at least a dozen times a day, some halfwit would wander by, read the sign, and ask "When will Santa be here?" By the third day, I was seriously considering bopping somone with that useless sign.