My wife and I were out with friends not long ago and the subject of waiting tables came up. Of the six of us there, I was the only one who had never been a waiter.
"I think everyone should wait tables at least once in their lives," one friend said. Really? It's good to think things, I told her.
There's nothing wrong with waiting tables. In fact, my hat is off to all of you who have waited tables or worked successfully in any other kind of retail. It's harder than it looks. I just think there are two kinds of people in this world: those whose personalities are suited to retail employment, and those who need to need to stay far away from the general public.
Your friendly neighborhood Wise-Ass falls squarely in the latter.
It's not that I don't like people; I do. It's that I have trouble hiding my true feelings in a given situation, particularly amusement. And people tend not to like it when you laugh at them, especially when they're trying to give you money.
I did work in retail once. Once. It was right after college. My day job paid peanuts so I took an extra part-time gig at Macy's in the local mall. Hilarity ensued.
I worked in the men's department, and one of my first challenges came about two weeks into the job when a guy got annoyed because the item he was buying wasn't ringing up at the advertised discount. Each time I tried, he got even angrier.
"Let me call a manager," I told him.
"Good," he said. "I'm not leaving here without my discount."
I grinned. It was just a reaction. His discount was 10% on a pair of $1.95 socks: a whopping 19 cents (Macy's rounded down).
"What's so goddamn funny?"
Oops. He wasn't kidding. I wanted to say, "How about I just give you a quarter and we call it even?" but figured that wasn't a good idea.
Soon after that, people started asking me my favorite question, one that I would hear 500 times if I heard it once: "Do you work here?"
Picture it: it's 9:28 on a Tuesday night at the mall department store, which is practically empty except for part-time employees cleaning up their areas and folding clothes. I'm wearing a tie, khakis, church shoes and the world's largest name tag that reads "MACY'S" in giant lettering and has a ginormous blue ribbon hanging from it with "#1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION" or some such nonsense written on it. I'm the only person for miles around, and I'm folding a giant pile of crappy store-brand cotton-ramie blend sweaters when some knucklehead walks up and asks, "Do you work here?"
No, I just dropped in to fold some sweaters.
Nah, it's more like volunteering.
Not if I can help it.
These are the things I wanted to say, but didn't. Instead, I smiled. How could I not? And that made people mad sometimes. I tried not to do it, but the harder I tried, the bigger I grinned. I couldn't help myself.
I know what you're thinking. Just another asshole retail employee. And you're right. I was 22 and clueless. Now I'm older and whenever I encounter someone like me at a store, I want to clock them. But then I remember how hard it is to work in retail, and I let it go.
Right after I ask them, "Do you work here?"
"I think everyone should wait tables at least once in their lives," one friend said. Really? It's good to think things, I told her.
There's nothing wrong with waiting tables. In fact, my hat is off to all of you who have waited tables or worked successfully in any other kind of retail. It's harder than it looks. I just think there are two kinds of people in this world: those whose personalities are suited to retail employment, and those who need to need to stay far away from the general public.
Your friendly neighborhood Wise-Ass falls squarely in the latter.
It's not that I don't like people; I do. It's that I have trouble hiding my true feelings in a given situation, particularly amusement. And people tend not to like it when you laugh at them, especially when they're trying to give you money.
I did work in retail once. Once. It was right after college. My day job paid peanuts so I took an extra part-time gig at Macy's in the local mall. Hilarity ensued.
I worked in the men's department, and one of my first challenges came about two weeks into the job when a guy got annoyed because the item he was buying wasn't ringing up at the advertised discount. Each time I tried, he got even angrier.
"Let me call a manager," I told him.
"Good," he said. "I'm not leaving here without my discount."
I grinned. It was just a reaction. His discount was 10% on a pair of $1.95 socks: a whopping 19 cents (Macy's rounded down).
"What's so goddamn funny?"
Oops. He wasn't kidding. I wanted to say, "How about I just give you a quarter and we call it even?" but figured that wasn't a good idea.
Soon after that, people started asking me my favorite question, one that I would hear 500 times if I heard it once: "Do you work here?"
Picture it: it's 9:28 on a Tuesday night at the mall department store, which is practically empty except for part-time employees cleaning up their areas and folding clothes. I'm wearing a tie, khakis, church shoes and the world's largest name tag that reads "MACY'S" in giant lettering and has a ginormous blue ribbon hanging from it with "#1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION" or some such nonsense written on it. I'm the only person for miles around, and I'm folding a giant pile of crappy store-brand cotton-ramie blend sweaters when some knucklehead walks up and asks, "Do you work here?"
No, I just dropped in to fold some sweaters.
Nah, it's more like volunteering.
Not if I can help it.
These are the things I wanted to say, but didn't. Instead, I smiled. How could I not? And that made people mad sometimes. I tried not to do it, but the harder I tried, the bigger I grinned. I couldn't help myself.
I know what you're thinking. Just another asshole retail employee. And you're right. I was 22 and clueless. Now I'm older and whenever I encounter someone like me at a store, I want to clock them. But then I remember how hard it is to work in retail, and I let it go.
Right after I ask them, "Do you work here?"
Ha! This is great. I did my time in retail AND spent a year serving drinks at a dive bar, so I can dig the "customer is always a dipshit" philosophy.
LMAO @ "How 'bout I just give you a quarter...." So true!
Great article. I have to agree with the title. It's not for everyone, and I can definitely see you being one of the people who would not do well on the worker's side of the retail business.
I spent my entire working-out-of-the-home life as a customer service person of some sort or other. Unfortunately, I can be a wise ass too. And it took all my restraint at times to not laugh and/or point out the stupidity of others. Fortunately, I did develop the restraint necessary to become quite successful in the field. That is, until the person needing a laughing-at was out of ear shot or until I was able to leave the scene of the stupidity crime.
Your line, "It's good to think things," made me laugh, and so did the answers you wanted to say but didn't to the "Do you work here?" question.
I've never waited tables. The closest I came to that was being the window girl taking orders and making ice cream sundaes at a Mom and Pop ice cream stand at the side of the road when I was a teenager.
I have worked a lot in what is essentially a public service position where I deal with the general public daily, though. It can definitely be a challenge some days.
I enjoyed this post. It's very well written.
Thank you all. Your money is in the mail.
CM
"No, I just dropped in to fold some sweaters." ~ Love it!
I continually find myself asking "sale associates" ridiculous questions. I have to say it's far easier to deal with it, if we are both laughing at my stupidity. Some people just take themselves too seriously. AND? Thats pretty sad.
I'm pretty sure what your friend meant is that most people who have had to wait tables at some point in their lives treat their waiters considerably better than those who have never waited tables (tip better too). The reason is because they've been on the receiving end of that ass-hat who had a bad day and wants to feel like a BIG MACHO MAN by treating the waiter like a punching bag. I agree with your friend.
Also, I would not equate working at Macy's to waiting tables. I have worked in retail and then I have worked in food retail. People are especially ornery when there is sustenance on the line and it's ten times harder to keep that smile in place when you've been running from table to table with a tray full of food for the past eight hours.
Yeah, this absolutely why I think the same way. I waited for quite a few "entitled jerks" that I think would be much nicer if they'd ever been through what I'd been through, but then again now that I'm older, I've begun to thing some people are just jerks no matter what.
Man that was quite the run-on sentence.
Still probably not a bad idea for people to give it a go, but there are definitely people not well suited to it.
You make a very good point, Meiggs. I'm sure waiting tables is harder than selling sweaters, for the reasons you list. People are pissy when they're hungry.
I loathe people who treat wait staff like crap. My wife waited tables for a while, and she'd come home with stories that made me want to drive up to the restaurant and beat somebody's ass.
I honestly haven't tried retail yet. The only time I've interacted with customers was when I worked at Subway for a month or so. It wasn't too bad, except for this one girl who accused my manager of not teaching me how to make a sandwich properly because she told me to stuff it with so much stuff it wouldn't close. Grr.
Now I work as a salad cook, and it's great. You don't have to interact with the customers, and if stuff gets sent back... generally it's the server's fault. I definitely do not want to do it for life, but I'm not going to waste my time applying for mall food, or retail jobs now. Not having to interact with customers is where it's at. Plus, working back of house gives you a better sense of what goes on in a kitchen, now I don't bitch at all if my food is coming out a little slower than usual. Of course this is coming from a girl who takes a 6 min apple pie, and turns it into a 20 minute ordeal.
I think you need to have some sort of humor to pull it off. What you should have done (provided the manager was far far away and the customer looked like they could take a joke) was actually reply to their question, "Do you work here?" with one of your answers. You can end up with some hilarious conversations that brighten up the day that way. But... you can also end up with a complaint... so I can understand not doing it. Thankfully, I have an easy going boss that ignores such complaints cause the people making them need to "take a chill pill"
I am working in retail until I am done with college. Hopefully very soon I will be done. I get the "Do you work here?" Question when I am standing behind the counter restocking cigarettes. Oh and I love how people throw wadded up money and change at me. Sometimes I want to give it back that way. lol
I've been working at a pharmacy since I started college. Sometimes, when I tell stories about my insanely crazy customers some of my friends are like MAN I COULD NEVERRRR DO THAT, I'D GO INSANE!
How am I not?
Simple.
The crazier they get, the normal crazies start to seem okay.
Oh my I worked in retail at Sears and had a couple of horror stories XD
But first I always hated it when asked if I worked there. I always swore I'd tell someone 'No I mugged them because the clothes were just so awesome and I wanted a nametag' Which obviously nobody in most retail places can say to customers due to the risk of getting written up.
But horror story one was I had this older couple that needed some curtains as the place they had custom make some messed up. So we found them everything they needed, it was a sale going upwards of $500, when the lady asked if we had the middle support brackets in white. We didn't at that time I offered to order online but she wanted them that day so she then turned to the guy and asked if they could go get them afterwards. He told her no and oh my word she cursed him out BIG TIME call him a jack*** and so many other names I wouldn't have expected from such an old lady! I was petrified and my manager was there but mouthed that I had to stay put that I couldn't leave the area in case they got voilent. That was bad.
Story two. I was cleaning my department as it was a slow time when this lady walked in saying how those people didn't have the guts to kill someone else and that she did. She kept saying stuff like that but I brushed it off that maybe she was wearing a bluetooth and just joking with someone. This kept up for a few minutes as she wandered my department. Well she eventually walked over to me and it was at this point I saw she HAD NO bluetooth or ANYTHING TO TALK INTO! This scared me alot because you just don't go walking around in plublic saying how you have guts to kill people, but she ever so nicely asked if we had black curtains. I simply said yes and let her find them herself but now in hindsight I wonder what those curtains were ACTUALLY for.