Two weeks ago, Carrie dropped us guys a question, asking if we ever owned anything for the purpose of getting laid. She's always asking questions like that, it being her delight (and job) to come up with some really confounding things to torment us, so shrug, answer and think no more of it.

Then three questions to do with ownership come sailing into my inbox not an hour apart.

"I'm kind if pissed at my dad, I know it's a very ungrateful of me, but he bought me a laptop because I'm going from community college to university and he's keeping the free xbox for himself. I get it, he paid for the laptop, but my bro got a laptop three times as expensive and system after system all our lives." and
"I recently got my father's BMW when he got a newer one. I have never EVER been spoiled or bratty and don't take things for granted. But just because I drive a nice car, my boyfriend's father makes fun of me and implies that I'm some snooty rich girl. I'm not that way at all, how can I change his impression of me?"

Read em both in that order and what do you see? (rhetorical question alert!)

Like it or not, you get judged by what you own. A young woman driving a BMW has to be a snooty and spoiled rich girl. A guy driving a Porche is out for uncomitted partytime sex only, while a guy driving a 20 year old van covered with rust belongs on the sex offenders register.
That will always happen. You get judged, and you really don't like it. "I am different," you scream. Yet you unconciously judge others based on what they have and your own experiences all the time.

Not going to go into the whys of that - suffice it to say you really don't care much about these people and are just as lazy as the next person (psst - that link is partially why your dad kept the Xbox, questioner number 1).

Instead, glance around you right now and mentally list what you see. I can wait.

Bet you used "my" at least half a dozen times at least, even at work. My chair. My book. My phone. My computer. My stapler. Pretty possessive of stuff, aren't you. Fair enough, you have worked hard for them, chosen them, paid good money or time to get them, so God help anyone who tries to take them away. You worry. What if someone steals them? Most victims of burglary report feelings similar to those who have been victims of rape or violent assault, even if nothing is taken. That is taking attachment to inanimate objects a bit too far, don't you think?

"Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you."  ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 5 - why try to rewrite perfection?

Combine the two though, and you get the answer to questioner number one. Jealousy. Keeping up with the Jones', that Cold War bitterly re-enacted in almost every home in the suburbs, if TV is to be believed. Black Friday stampedes to buy sh*t you can buy any other day of the year without the risk of being trampled to death. The whining of a child complaining that his sister gets everything; new glasses, braces, asthma inhalers, while he gets nothing. Sheer animal aquisitiveness, in other words, like two magpies fighting over a useless bit of shiny foil. Just stupid. Which brings me to the last of the three linked questions:

"Why would a guy feel the need to hurt his girlfriend and make her feel jealous by continuously talking about his female friends?"

His Girlfriend? He owns you? How much did he pay - were you on sale? Or is he your boyfriend and you bought him? I am confused. By talking about his female friends he is telling you clearly and plainly that you do not own him. He is right. You don't. Nor does he own you.

A good 40% of the questions we get boil down to this. The entrenched idea that you own your partner, and the immense irritation (or fear and panic) you feel when they act like they own you.

The only thing you ever truly own is yourself. Everything else is like beer: you really only rent it. Remember that, and life is a little easier.

Due to a scheduling conflict, the June Interview, with a truly delightful lady, will run next week.