I get sent all sorts of odd links in my email, mainly through having friends that go from beyond weird to downright freaking strange. (That's just the women. The men are worse.) I received two this weekend, both from Australia, both from different people, that had me totally puzzled and intrigued, as I recently wrote an article elsewhere (no link, stop being so nosy) on a similar topic.
Apparently, the guys from the land of "everything wants to kill you" are getting confused about what a man actually is. The Sydney Morning Herald decided to help them out by running an article outlining the rules of masculinity. At the same time, The Punch ran a opinion piece from a female anti-feminist. No, not Sarah Palin, a different one. A quick search turned up another example in Germany, and a couple of toxic misogynist sites with strong followings in the UK and USA.
What the hell is going on?!
Feminism has changed the road map of what it means to be a guy and a gal. That started happening seriously 50 years ago and is still echoing through society, causing upheaval, discomfort, relationship failures and the occasional cat fight. There are a lot of frightened people out there, who no longer know what is expected of them. The comfort of the traditional, clearly defined roles is gone, with nothing to replace it.
Oh sure - men
have had it easier, according to women. A boss is a boss,
irrespective of sex, and men don't have to juggle work, kids and home
life.
Well, actually,
they do now. At least if they are decent. Before, all they had to
worry about was staying employed and providing for their family. Now
they have an equal partnership in the running of the family. Most are
not equipped for that, get resentful and blame feminism, rather than
put the blame where it belongs.
A quick, informal
and highly biased survey of my friends showed that the ones most
comfortable with feminism were the over 50s. The main reason? They
were brought up as children doing household chores.
I honestly wonder how many readers of this, with children, teach their boys how to cook, clean, do laundry, iron, feed a baby. All the stuff that girls get taught as a matter of course through gender specific toys and TV programs, if nothing else.
So, the answer is not to put the feminism genie back in the bottle. She shouldn't go, doesn't want to go, and, lets face it, how do you make her even if you wanted to? Stop coddling your kids. Make them work for their allowances and their toys. You not only get more "me" time, scarce enough in the modern world, but you are working towards a world where sex equality is an unresented reality.
Excellent post, very insightful, hot topic indeed.
I see both sides. I used to live certain places in Scandinavia where it is obligiatory that women are offered exactly the same opportunities as men, in education and employment. Presumably to accomodate this, there is a huge emphasis on family and home life. In this country both men and women recieve excellent maternity/paternity benefits and it is not uncommon to bring children into the workplace, to postpone a work meeting to go pick up your kids from school, infact most people leave around 3/4pm to pick their kids up from school, infact you can be fined if you turn up late to collect your children. Aside from being a complete yawn and a sneaky suspicion that they are a bit red under the bed, I will say that this place is a good place to rear children and the work benefits are amazing and it all sounds fantastic..but... in reality I get what these anti-fems are saying - in this country I found the women fiercely independent to the point where they almost emasculated the men in some situations. I had women surronding me and above me in the workplace handed a Management title just to make up a statistic, where they were completely unqualified to do the job. Loco.
I myself have been brought up in a very traditional country where women take care of the kids and the men in the home, where the men are the main/sole breadwinners. Although not entirely traditional ..and I might be defying the idea of the modern woman... I feel more comfortable doing the "female" household chores - cooking, cleaning etc while my partner does all the "male" household chores - taking out the garbage, fixing stuff, lightbulb changing, ironing. Even though we are both capable of doing either, it just seems to be the natural flow of things. When we have kids, I would expect my partner to support me, but I imagine that I would do the majority of the child rearing, as my mother and grandmother and other family members have done before me.
We both work, have the same educational background yet my partner earns more, which is frustrating having seen how the other half live in Scandinavia.. although being more financially secure than he - I am not or ever will be financially dependent on him. As he is "the main breadwinner" so to speak, I have willingly given up my career goals to follow him around the globe due to the nature of his work and so we can more or less be together. So while financially I still keep my independence I have devoted myself to his career for our total wellbeing.. which I guess is pretty unfeminist? And makes me a crap woman :)
Thank you!!!! Parents nowadays have no idea how to raise their kids, thinking bribes are the way to go. They will turn out to be out of control and uncaring, unhelpful beings with no self esteem (remember, it comes from knowing you can do a good job).
Ah well, what can you do. Keep spreading the good word, MM
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It's as if you've read my mind. For the past month or so I've been pondering equality in general (and certain types in particular). I wholeheartedly agree with your opinion. Even if a scientific link can't be made between raising your children properly and acceptance of feminism; parents should raise their kids that way anyway.
Someday I'm going to have kids and realize that raising them to be decent human beings is a huge amount of work. But the best things in life are hard.
i'm sorry this has to continue....
so many men are out of work....
if your a single women and have a child ....
why to you have to put your child in daycare?
why not stay home and take care of your children?
do you pay for childcare?
why not stay home?
what is the reason?
interesting
equal pay...that is it
No. Equal pay is less than a quarter of the problem.
Equal opportunity - as in truly equal. Why shouldn't a woman be president. Or a combat marine. Or a CEO. Does it really matter what gender a person is in any of those jobs?
Equal responsibility - both inside and outside the family. Pretty much what I was getting at here. Though I will add, from a guy's perspective, I got all sorts of sh*t from my friends, both male and female, when my lady and I decided that I should be Mom. (Don't knock it, I am actually pretty good at it. Hardly ever injure the kids, and look totally ravishing in an apron.)
Equal respect - the most impotant, and the one that will take the longest. Men and women bring different things to the table. Different skillsets, different outlooks. Why should one set be more respected than the other.