Meet The Guys
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Our Funny Guy is trained in the way of the chuckle, but worry not, the yucks are only secondary to the seasoned nuggets of truth he dispenses. The Funny Guy firmly believes that the key to a woman's heart isn't wealth, good looks, or regular bathing, but rather The Truth. And frankly the truth often hurts, not because it’s so mean, but because it'll make you laugh til your stomach cramps. No question is too great or small for this Sex and Dating Virtuoso. Fire away, and let the LOL-ing commence.
Recent questions answered by the Funny Guy:
- My long distance bf, who I haven't seen since since Christmas is staying for a week with me. What is the condom etiquette? Does a gentleman buy/bring them since I'm provide food/lodging? Or as a good hostess is it my job to provide them? But then I don't know about sizes and styles, fit and comfort.
- After eating anything my bf's breath becomes so horrid I can barely stand it. It could be something as small as a few crackers, even when he's just brushed his teeth. I don't know what to do. Should I tell him? It seems like it might be something he can't control but I can't stand it. Idk what to do.
- Why do guys don't like me? I'm f*cking hot!
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The Girls’ BFF is your BS filter. He’s like a sweet and sour gummy bear. He’ll tell you if “he’s just not that into you” whether you want to hear it or not. But he’ll also give you a hug and tell you that you don’t need that guy anyway. The Girls’ BFF is the guy who will listen to what you have to say, tell you when you’re wrong, tell you when you’re right, and then suggest everybody have a drink because, what the hell, who doesn’t love a drink? Sometimes he’s a part of the problem, but he’s still always there to help you undo all of the (usually wrong) over-analysis you and your girlfriends can’t stop yourselves from doing. Basically, the Girl’s BFF is the guy who helps you figure out what’s really going on. But the next move? That’s all on you.
Recent questions answered by the Girls' BFF:
- GBFF I would love your insight! it was his idea to "keep in touch" when he moved a few hours away but I haven't heard a thing. Does keeping in touch merely mean "when it works for me" or did he suddenly lose interest??
- My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, but he's never given me an orgasm. Not once. We do oral a lot and I get very close, but never close enough. He wants me to orgasm too and he feels guilty over being inexperienced, but he's not very spontaneous, adventurous or sensual. What do I do?
- My BF has a female bestfriend. He really is a sweetheart, good to me and 100% trustworthy and faithful. He decided to share something about his female friends boobs to me.I did tell him it hurt my feelings, however he thinks it's fine,doesn't understand why I'm upset by it. Should I let him slide for it? She's married.
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The Chic Geek is equally comfortable amongst the hipsters at a Grizzly Bear concert or at home playing Wii Bowling with his friends, or if lucky enough, his girlfriend, on a Saturday night. Sure, he may have been shoved into the occasional locker back in middle school but that’s all in the past now that geek is “in.” He’s always up on the latest gadget or Lost rumor and he’s your go-to guy on everything from Star Wars-themed weddings to proper dating etiquette in the iPhone generation. (If only there was an app for love!) Ready to get your geek on?
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The Reformed Player knows the dark secrets that lurk in the hearts of men, mainly because they’re his secrets too. And he’s willing to reveal all the dirty truths — if it means womankind will forgive him a little for all those times he never called back, told a half-dozen white lies in a row, or made out with your best friend. After all, players have an awful lot of fun. But they never really get the girl, not in the end. The Reformed Player can speak pick-up artist, sensitive emo-dude, and multiple dialects of douchebag. He’s got the inside scoop on all the tricks, false promises, and smooth, jungle cat moves. And he is at your service.
Recent questions answered by the Reformed Player:
- he left me after 10 years how long ntil he comes back
- I was talking to this guy and getting to know him and then I started to like him and went to a party together I find out he has a gf which he lied saying he didn't and said it's wrong and I can't date him until he's single... Hee wants me to be "patient" but us still be cool like friends and me text him... Is that bad?
- I hate V-day and don't want to celebrate with my BF. How do I go about this?
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Nobody likes a Wise Ass, right? When the chips are down and you need advice, why bother asking an honest, objective stranger when you’ve got plenty of family and friends to coddle you and tell you exactly what you want to hear? Who needs the truth when all you really want is to feel better about yourself? A kick in the seat and a good laugh will ruin your little pity party. Besides, your mom and your unmarried 46-year-old friend with three cats and one ex-boyfriend from high school — they know far more about guys than, say, a guy himself, right?
Recent questions answered by the Wise-Ass:
- Please help me! I have a female friend who is a wonderful person but not great in the grooming dept. She picks crumbs out of her hair and eats them; I think it's unconscious/stress related. She's extremely sensitive. How can we tell her that it's gross and won't help her get a boyfriend, which she wants, without seeming mean?
- My husband has a profile on an "adult friend finder" site. I asked him about it and he completely denies knowing anything, and said it may have come from a porn site he registered for. But the profile info is pretty specific. What should I do? He's never given me any other reason to doubt him.
- My boyfriend says he "doesn't believe in Valentine's Day," but I told him I wanted to celebrate it because I've never been with anyone on the day. He doesn't want to do anything, and it's kind of upsetting me. Am I right to be annoyed?
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Mystery Man will tell you the truth, as he sees it, without the hug. He’ll tell you that your date never called again because you talked about yourself too much or because you likely had bad breath after that bad choice of garlic knots. The stuff that comes out of his mouth will almost always come as a shock. He won't pull any punches and almost always drops out of the sky like a deus ex machina. The truth isn't always popular, but it is always right.
Recent questions answered by the Mystery Man:
- Occasionally, in your answers, you mention little tricks that get your readers to pay better attention to what you're saying, such as a dialect switch or, most recently, calling someone an idiot. Could you show us some more of these tricks and/or how it is that you came by them?
- I'm a relatively militant agnostic. I met a guy, and our chemistry is greater than anything I've ever had before. However, there is a sticking point in that he is a devout, practicing Catholic, which leads us to butt heads on a few issues. Is it possible that we could be happy together?
- MM, please help! I've stopped being happy in my 3 yr relationship and think it's time to end things, but we moved to college together out of state and I only know him. I don't want to be all alone. I still love him, but I spend more time upset than happy. I've never been in a relationship, so how does this work?
