Well, it’s that time again, the purported “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” — the Holiday Season. You’ve got your Thanksgiving Weekend, followed by the Christmas/ Hanukkah Gift Bonanza and climaxing with New Year’s Eve. Now, I’m not trying to write one of those dime-a-dozen-Grinch-style-anti-holiday posts. This is a great time if you’re into: getting fat, sitting in traffic, emptying your bank account, thanking people you love for gifts you hate and arguing where the hell to stand when the clock ticks midnight. I’m just wondering out loud here – Is this really the “most wonderful time of the year” for everything? I’ll give you two minor things that take a royal beating during the frigid festivities: sex and relationships.
Unless you and your partner have the conflict resolution skills of Dr. Phil and the horniness for each other of a newly dating Brad and Angelina, the Holiday Season can be a hot-chocolate Popsicle stick. Big family get-togethers and traveling are stressful things; Light squabbles pop up; you and your mate start quibbling over the right kosher wine to bring to the holiday party and before you know it you’re both sitting in the parking lot wailing on each other about your tiny apartment, credit card debt and looming wedding. Then, of course, you both have to pull it together and play nice at his holiday work party. An hour into it maybe things thaw out; you’re back to your old selves kissing and hugging on the dance floor until the “most wonderful time of the year” strikes again and your man’s flirting with Sonya, the French paralegal, and hurling up 12 shots of eggnog on your brand new handbag.
Sex and holidays just don’t mix. Now I know they say New Years Eve is supposed to be a romantic/magical night, but how are you guys going to get your hump on when your six college friends are camped out at your house — sleeping on the bedroom floor? There’s not even room for a quicky, let alone romance. The only thing burning bright in the bedroom are the Hanukkah candles. The only nuts happily roasting are Bing Crosby’s. After a day of shuttling between both families and drinking a case of Christmas brew the only thing hard in the bedroom is Frosty’s nose mocking you from outside the window.
So people, let’s not be so naÃ¯ve to say it’s “the most wonderful time of the year.” Unless you’re six years old, Josh Groban, or over 78 years-old, the holidays leave much to be desired. Start appreciating the low impact days of the year – the under-appreciated March 3rds and October 6ths of the years. Let Rudolph’s nose glow in December; Funny Guy will be radiating in January.