Funny Guy

The Funny Guy firmly believes that the key to a woman's heart isn't wealth, good looks, or regular bathing, but rather a great sense of humor (and lasers; chicks love lasers). After all, you can't really offend your date's nose if she's too busy shooting milk through it. When the poop hits the wood chipper, The Funny Guy is there to give you the advice you need in a way that won't make you want to drown yourself. And chances are, you'll probably get a few choice Simpson's quotes thrown in for good measure. So if you need a laugh, bundled oh so lovingly around a little nugget of truth (or just want to know which Seinfeld episode your situation most resembles), then you've come to the right e-man. Fire away, and let the LOL-ing commence.

Recent questions answered by the Funny Guy:

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Q: what do men think about during sex?

A: Nine times out of ten, the sex we are having. In fact, let's up that to ten out of ten. The fact that you ask this quest...

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Q: Is hair leg gross to guys?

A: Yup. Sucks, doesn't it? I don't think leg hair is inherently gross, but at this point we've become so used to your smoot...

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Q: What do I do if I'm the only sober one in a hot tub with three other people who are ready to start an orgy? Help!

A: I assume you're typing this on your phone from the hot tub in question: good first step. Typing sullenly while everyone ...

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Q: When performing oral sex on a man, do they like it when their anus is massaged?

A: They like to be ASKED FIRST. I don't care how much you value spontaneity, going for the backdoor always requires securit...

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Q: So, my boyfriend of a year asks me for oral sex daily, and today I obliged, but he wouldn't kiss me afterward because he says it's "gross" and "that's how people get sick." He didn't finish in my mouth and I know he doesn't have any STDs, so what exactly is the problem?

A: Your boyfriend sounds like a chump. Not necessarily because of the situation, more how he handled it (like a grade-C chu...

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Q: What makes a guy cheat? If my boyfriend and I argue a lot, do you think that will make him cheat?

A: No, unless he was thinking of cheating anyway, or a series of unlikely circumstances provides an opportunity to cheat th...

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Q: I accidentally slept with both of my husband's twin brothers (they are identical triplets). Does this count as cheating?

A: Oh God, please let this be a real question, because if it's not, then it's by far the most brilliant phony question subm...

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Q: I'm 22 and my Mom is worried that I've only ever had relationships that last about six months. She fears I have commitment problems, but it's really just that I want to concentrate on my studies and my friends. Is this normal?

A: "Is this normal?" is, as a question, usually totally irrelevant. What's normal? In Iran, normal is not dating until marr...

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Q: How long does a guy need to date before he commits? All I am asking is for an engagement.

A: You are the reason men are afraid of commitment. All you're asking for is an engagement? All you're asking for is a prom...

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Q: I'm a divorced woman. I have a male friend that I am very attracted to, also divorced. He does not want commitment right now, and I'm okay with that. I want to be intimate with him, but can find no classy way to ask and remain friends. How do I make a move?

A: If you're at a place in your life where you just want to have some fun, then what are you waiting for? Run over to his h...

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Q: Is being called {wifey} a good thing?

A: If you're his wife, yes. If you're his date, his parole officer, or a genre of porn, no. Also, if he's capable of insert...

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Q: What is the deal with men's body wash? The scent is always way too strong and much harsher than women's body wash. Do guys really like smelling like car fresheners?

A: It's not that we like smelling like a new car; it's that we can't afford to smell like a field of flowers even a little ...

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Q: I've been having bad dreams about my boyfriend almost every night, always of him not being in love with me or falling in love with other girls. Recently, he told me he doesn't see a future with me, but doesn't want to break up. What should I do?

A: First of all, discount the dreams. Burn your dream journal, get a mind-wipe, binge drink until you've killed the part of...

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Q: What's a nice way to tell my boyfriend that he needs to "manscape?" I mean, I keep mine clean shaven; the least he could do is trim it up a bit, right?

A: First of all, make sure your expectations are normal. There's a wide gap between "trimming it up a bit" and "manscaping....

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Q: I've been in a long distance relationship for two years now, and hadn't seen my guy in about a month. We finally got some time alone and I tried to get something started, and he stopped me. Should I be worried?

A: Chances are, nah. Yes, it's possible that he's having some deep, soul-wrenching doubts about your relationship, but ther...

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Q: What do guys think about a girl who plays the piano?

A: Usually that she has, strong, dexterous hands and can liven up any party, provided there's a very particular thousand-po...

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Q: My boyfriend doesn't like kissing me and I LOVE to kiss. In my last relationship, we kissed a lot; my new guy and I kiss about once a week. How do I get him to enjoy it?

A: If you ask me, your boyfriend's nuts. Kissing's my second favorite activity, right before eating and after something I d...

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Q: Female pubic hair...yay or nay?

A: I think it truly is a matter of taste (his, not yours; eating pubic hair is unequivically gross). Sure, there are genera...

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Q: My boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he "felt differently about us." We have been apart for six months and we still talk. All of a sudden, he's cut off all communication with me. Why!?

A: If I were a cynical person, I'd say it's probably because another woman has entered his life, and he no longer needs you...

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Q: Will my boyfriend ever stop playing Xbox? Am I wrong to be mad at him if I'm over and he decides to turn it on?

A: If what I'm hearing about the reliability of those systems (and the coming apocalypse) is true, then yes, he will at som...

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Q: How do I convince my bf that I really don't want anything for Valentine's Day? He thinks I'm just saying it, and I'm afraid he's going to waste money on flowers or candy, which I honestly don't want.

A: Sorry, but what you're asking is by definition impossible. It's like asking fish not to swim, birds not to fly, or Steve...

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Q: How do you like your blow jobs?

A: Like I like my coffee: scalding and delivered by a man in a paper hat out of a drive-thru window. With milk. To be hones...

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Q: I'm a woman moving in with six of my best guy friends. How do I survive?

A: Wow, that sounds like the tag line for the really awful spin-off Full House never got. I can't tell you for sure how to ...

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Q: I'm normally a confident person, but when it comes to attracting the attention of a guy, my confidence just leaves me altogether. What should I do to help boost my confidence around guys?

A: See, guys? Women are just as frightened of us as we are of them. Perhaps this is the opportunity we've all been waiting ...

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Q: Do you like Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez?

A: OR?! You're making me PICK?! Man, I have been WAITING for this question ever since I first signed up to write here. Are ...

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Q: Why can't guys understand that just because you're a single gal doesn't mean you want to date, and why do they always follow it up with "so you must me a lesbian then?"

A: There are two possible answers, both of which reflect rather poorly on the male half of the species. Either A) we can't ...

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Q: Do guys wipe their penises off with tissue after they pee? I know there's a "shakedown" but isn't that unsanitary?

A: The human body is a truly remarkable instrument. It can regulate your breathing while you sleep, encode and store a seem...

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Q: My girlfriend wants to do some of the things she read in Cosmo, but they are pretty messed up. Should I try them just to make her happy? Those people at Cosmo are some sick f***s.

A: Yeah, I'm pretty sure Cosmo editors ran out of actual "ways to please your man" some time ago, and have taken to inserti...

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Q: What is the most awkward thing about being a guy?

A: Tragically (much like a dark superhero), the things that suck about being a guy are the same exact things that make us g...

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Q: Is it true that guys can really "turn off their brains" and think about nothing?

A: First of all, in some cultures that's called ACHIEVING ENLIGHTENMENT AND TRANSCENDING THIS MORTAL PLANE. You talk that k...

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Q: My friend died a year ago this month, and now his once girlfriend has started to date his best friend. Is this wrong of them?

A: Well, this is bound to be the least funny advice column this Funny Guy's ever written, but here goes: as misfortune woul...

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Q: My boyfriend is a very funny man, but for some reason he has been very quiet around me. Why is this?

A: I think a lot of guys (and humans, for that matter) see romance as very serious business. We all saw The Notebook. We al...

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Q: I've been dating a guy for a year and a half. We enjoy each others' company, but I've never met his family or friends. I've asked to, but he just smiles. I've suggested we end the relationship, but I get soft-hearted when he says "no" to this idea. What does he want out of this?

A: Exactly what he's getting. See--and this is a GROSS oversimplification--a man's biological and evolutionary nature guide...

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Q: Is it okay to keep having sex with your ex on occasion, if the relationship ended on good terms?

A: Being able to have sex on occasion without having to be in an actual relationship is pretty good terms. So good that I q...

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Q: A lot of women tend to get haircuts after breakups, whether consciously or not. Do men have any techniques like that for coping with a breakup?

A: Yes and no. Yes, there are things we do right after a breakup, but they're only partly to cope. A lot of it is just a re...

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Q: What is up with a guys' fascination with hickeys? The guy I am seeing gave me one on my...ahem...boob and wanted to give me one on my other (of course I said no). Why does he love them so?

A: The same reason guys love their children: it's proof that they've been getting laid. The hickey is a medal of honor, a s...

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Q: I want/need anal in our sex life. My boyfriend will not go there. Is it a lost cause or will he come around?

A: Holy role-reversal, Batman! Or should I say hole-reversal? No, I really shouldn't. I apologize. As a healthily perverted...

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Q: My ex says he wants to be friends, and then accuses me of dating his friends and gets mad. Yes, we share mutual friends, but I'm not dating any of them. What is his deal?

A: He still has feelings for you, and the thought of you having moved on with your life, or, even worse, letting another gu...

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Q: My bf is always complaining because I have small boobs. Should I just give up and get the damn surgery?

A: You're asking me if you should have someone slice into your body and insert plastic discs to stop your boyfriend from wh...

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Q: I can't stand my boyfriend's mom! She's controlling and wants her "babies" near her at all times. Will my boyfriend ever cut the chord or am I screwed for eternity?

A: My feelings on this topic vary widely and depend on whether your boyfriend's a young man late in cutting the ties of ado...

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Q: Is it true that a guy's pupils will dilate if he likes you?

A: Wow. I have absolutely no idea. I heard women's eyes dilate during ovulation. Do men ovulate? I should know that. Here's...

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Q: Horseback riding can wear at a girl's vagina after many years. I'm a virgin, and I'm worried my boyfriend won't believe me...do guys notice/care about an intact hymen?

A: Okay, NEVER use the phrase "wear at a girl's vagina" again in any context. Reading those words in that order made me mak...

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Q: A guy I'm seeing recently got out of jail, and is starting to get his life back together. We see each other once in a while and have a great time, but he says he wants to focus on starting his life again and not get "distracted by relationships." What's your take?

A: It's about time! Almost five months writing for Guyspeak and at long last someone asks me a question about something I k...

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Q: My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and he asked me how it was...being put on the spot like that, I told him it was great. It wasnt. How can I give him pointers without hurting his feelings?

A: Large signage is good, and easy to see in low light conditions. Flares are useful for outdoor sessions, although there's...

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Q: How can I encourage my boyfriend to go back to college?

A: I'm glad you used the word "encourage," because to be honest, this question sets off my "get off my back, woman!" alarm ...

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Q: I'm tired of cleaning up after my man. We live together, and sometimes I feel more like his mom than his girlfriend.

A: I'm going to give you the same answer I gave to the question about going to Michael Bay movies: just stop doing it. Man,...

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Q: This is my first time giving a guy a blow job .. how should I start?

A: Well, first of all, you should stop interfacing with a computer immediately and just focus on giving the blowjob. It's a...

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Q: What do you do if you're Thirteen and haven't had your first kiss?

A: Continue being thirteen. Wait a few years. Play Polly Pocket, watch the JoBros and chill the hell out. Your first kiss i...

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Q: how important is a good hand job to a guy?

A: Well, that's sort of like asking how important it is to be able to make a good risotto. If you've got a braised pheasant...

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Q: I think my husband is bi or gay. He watches gay porn all the time; I find it on his computer. Are married men also gay?

A: That largely depends on what you mean by "all the time." In the interest of helping you figure this thing out, I'm going...

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Q: what kind of underwear do men prefer?

A: On themselves, anything that labels their penis in a humorous fashion. Failing that, anything that's been cleaned someti...

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Q: I'm kind of seeing this guy, but right now were at the "friends" stage, and have been at the "friends" stage for about 6 months. How do I get him to move from just friends to a relationship?

A: I hate to say it, but if this guy hasn't moved things into relationship territory in six months, he's not going to any t...

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Q: Hey, Swaim. My last boyfriend took two and a half years to tell me he was an infantilist, and his fantasy was to wear a diaper. Really. I am understandably wary of dating now. Is there any way to get guys to tell you sooner that they fantasize about care bears or whatever? Because that sucked. A lot.

A: Hey, let's not pick on infantilists now. Your ex is just the way God made him. And God works in mysterious, mysterious w...

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Q: What is your least favorite thing about women?

A: Aw, I only get to pick one? Okay, I guess I'd go with the retractable spines they shoot out when startled. I hate that. ...

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Q: What do guys think if you tell them you're a virgin (and it is the truth) after dating a little bit- runaway because you're a "prude", or are they willing to stick it out?

A: For the purposes of this answer, I'm assuming you're, at most, thirty-five. Beyond that, the revelation that you're a vi...

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Q: How do you know whether your significant other is "the one?" Is not being 100% sure a sign that they aren't?

A: Man, I could write a book on this. Although it would be a short book, and most of it would just be repeating: THERE IS N...

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Q: I ask this, Funny Guy, because you just bought a new bed and it seems topical. Cuddling positions in bed. IS there a way to do it without SOMEBODY'S arm going to sleep?

A: If there is, I have yet to find it. No matter how snugly you and your soul mate fit together, like two puzzle pieces cra...

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Q: What does it mean when a guy tells you that the problem isn't you, it's him.

A: It means the problem is you. Or rather, the problem is his problem with you (ie, his deep and powerful psychological des...

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Q: I'm 24. I'm done meeting guys at bars. 10/10 times, it does not end classy. My hobbies: Theatre, fashion design. I meet lots of great guys. All gay. Friends suggest I go to book stores to meet smart guys, but I find it a difficult venue for conversation.

A: When you've outgrown the bar scene and your work isn't particularly suited to love connections, it can be staggeringly d...

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Q: I haven't really heard from this guy since Saturday night. I want to text him something witty and cute, just for him to know I'm still interested. What should I text without being annoying or creepy?

A: Well, there's always: I CAN C U. 0_0 And the ever-popular: LETZ MOVE IN 2GETHR J/K! Honestly, and call me old fashioned,...

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Q: The best friend of the guy that I really like asked me if I'm into his friend. Should I tell him that I am, or keep it to myself? I'm afraid he'll tell the guy I like and then ruin everything.

A: What would the guy you like knowing that you like him ruin exactly? Him not knowing whether you like him? The non-relati...

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Q: Would you say it's EVER a good idea to begin a new relationship with someone who has just ended a very long, complicated previous relationship? This is assuming you haven't been friends for very long to begin with.

A: When I read your question, my first impulse was to stand up like an asshole at a horror movie and scream "DON'T GO IN TH...

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Q: Do guys get embarrassed if their girlfriends call them by "pet names" in front of their buddies?

A: It all depends on the name, the friends who happen to be nearby, your boyfriend's overall demeanor, and whether or not t...

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Q: Is it okay to try and slip a finger up my boyfriend's backdoor while fooling around?

A: Honestly, you can figure this one out yourself. Just close your eyes and try walking a mile in your boyfriend's shoes (o...

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Q: My boyfriend told me he had a dream he was having sex with a classmate of his. I asked him about it, even though I really didn't want to know. Then he told me! Why would he do that? Should I be worried about this girl?

A: Why would he have a dream about having sex with another girl? Because dreams are a magic fantasy world where your wildes...

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Q: I am married and have been with my husband for seven years (married for three). I miss the fire he used to give out when we first met. How can I get that back? Or am I ever gonna get him to romance me again?

A: I wanted to try and answer this question because I think I know everything, but I also want to say right off the bat tha...

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Q: Is it right for the girl to make the moves? I kissed him first, and even though I wanted to wait, I didn't. Now I'm thinking that one kiss (that lead to others) ruined things.

A: I'm a terrible dancer. I'm not talking about your foxtrots or macarenas, mind you (as I am a certified macarena champion...

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Q: I want a baby badly with my boyfriend but he insists we should get married first. I cannot wait. Should I wait longer or find someone else who can give me what I want?

A: Well, if I know anything about child rearing, it's that having your baby hastily and against the wishes of your partner ...

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Q: There is a girl at my school who's obsessed with every single guy, including the guy I like (as in, facebook wall posts every two minutes). As far as I can tell he doesn't seem to be interested in her, but in general do guys like girls like this?

A: If you've been screwing up the courage to make a move on this guy, it might be time to put on some strappy boots and nai...

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Q: My boyfriend wants me to get breast implants but I don't want to; what should I do?

A: Normally, I try to avoid answering questions with extremely obvious answers. But as Orwell once said, the man who sees e...

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Q: I asked my boyfriend of 2 months why he doesnt like hanging out over at my house (I live with my parents), and he said he's "in his element" at his house and doesn't like being out of it! What?! Help!

A: Well, the easy answer is to convince your parents to scrupulously redesign their house's interior to exactly match the i...

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Q: Do all men masturbate?

A: No, absolutely not. Some men are in comas or have lost hands in explosions, and many are dead. Seriously though, I had a...

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Q: What if a guy stares at you, looks away, and then looks back and smiles?

A: Rarely do I get a question with such a straightforward answer. Though the male subconscious is a mystery as fathomless a...

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Q: Do guys get turned off when a girl cracks dirty jokes?

A: That largely depends on three factors: our social proximity to the girl, how attracted we are to her on a scale from one...

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Q: Is a girl who is cute but likes comic books, football, and Will Ferrell always destined to be stuck in the friend zone?

A: I'm not sure where you got the impression that guys don't want to have sex with cute girls while they read comic books a...

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Q: Do men like clingy girls?

A: Why are you always asking me this? I told you, I need some space! Jeeeeeeeeeeez. If a guy actually uses the word "clingy...

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Q: My boyfriend of one year and I are graduating college in May. I want us to move in together...how do I bring this topic up without freaking him out?

A: I will assume from the way you phrased your question that you have reason to believe he WILL freak out at the prospect o...

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Q: I've been hooking up with a guy several times a month, but it only happens once a week or once every two weeks, even though I see him every day. Whenever he's with his brother, he ignores me. Why?

A: Because he's having sex with you. You are his sex partner. Congratulations. The old chestnut about buying a cow when you...

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Q: I'm 18, and my boyfriend is 22 and in college. We are in love. He wants me to move in with him and have his child. Help. What do I do?

A: Whenever your question is phrased like the topic of a Montel Williams episode, you know you've got problems. And in the ...

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Q: A guy I really want to go out with makes fun of me, calls me fat and says my hair looks funny. Everyone says he likes me; why is he so mean to me?

A: Well, the first important thing to determine is whether you are in fact middle school students. An easy way to figure th...

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Q: What's with the sudden mainstream obsession with (Hetero) anal? Seemed like a kinky fetish before, and is now touted as a common couple indulgence. Half the girls I know have 'gone there' (even while hating it) to please their men. What gives?

A: As with all of life's conundrums, my dear lady, the answer to your question lies in pornography. I've noticed this pheno...

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Q: I want to break up with him leaving him feeling he broke up with me. Without blowjobs, please! How do I do it?

A: Well, if you're going to take away my most powerful negotiating tool, don't expect a miracle. As a comedian, my first im...

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Q: After my ex and I broke up, he became a lot nicer to me. However, he has also informed me that if I ever wanted to sleep with him again, I could. Is he just being nice to me so I'll it up again? Or does he truly want to be just friends with benefits?

A: I'm sure that when your ex presented the masterful idea that you--a recently broken up couple--should totally, you know,...

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Q: I'm almost positive one of my good guy friends likes me and I'm not interested in him that way. How do I subtly let him know I'm not into him?

A: Subtly? Are you asking me how to subtly crush someone's heart? That's not something that's possible to do. It's like ask...

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Q: Can a woman ever be forgiven for cheating, or is the relationship doomed from then on?

A: Relationships are the art of the possible, much like politics or eating at a buffet. Some people will be capable of forg...

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Q: Swaim, I'm currently between boyfriends and trying to get a career off the ground. This makes dating hard. Should I just forget the whole "relationships" thing and become an ambition machine, or can I do both?

A: Most people will tell you it depends what career you're trying to get off the ground. For example, if the career is pros...

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Q: I want to apologize to an ex I left during at her lowest. Problem is, it's been 8 years, and we haven't talked since. Should I just leave this in the past, or try and "clear the air" so to speak?

A: Ah, losing Facebook, are we? Stumble upon an old flame, did we? Regretting past decisions, might we be? Inverted clauses...

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Q: My very funny boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months. He hasn't dropped the L-bomb yet, which he also hasn't done in any relationship. I feel confident in saying that I love him, but he doesn't return the sentiment. How can we move past this?

A: You say your boyfriend is funny. As someone who has tried to be funny their whole life, I would guess that he won't say ...

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Q: Will men always think farting is funny?!

A: NOTE: This question has been edited in order to properly conform to the standards of polite discourse. Look, not ALL men...

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Q: Whenever I spend time with my best friend and his girlfriend, they are always kissing or cuddling. I feel awkward. Should they be the ones to stop or should I not be intruding?

A: Classic. This is a classic example of this. Textbook, really. Here's what you do: make a sock puppet, affix a picture of...

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Q: My boyfriend and I are in college; I found out recently that his parents pay for ALL of his expenses. I pay for my own expenses. I enjoy spending time with him, but I don't like the idea that his parents pay for our dates. What should I do?

A: In situations such as this, it's important to ask oneself: What Would That One-Legged McCartney Woman Do? I wanted to ge...

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Q: Do you find a date goes better or worse if you use bad, yet funny jokes? eg. puns, sarcasm.

A: The fact that you qualify funny puns as "bad" already tells me you lack a proper appreciation of the beauty of a well-fo...

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Q: For a laugh, every time I greeted my boyfriend I'd punch him instead of a hug, or head butt instead of kissing (not hard). Now it's developed into a habit. He seems to be growing tired of it, but I can't stop myself. What to do?

A: Wow. Okay, this is probably the easiest question I've had so far, except maybe the guy who asked if a curved penis is no...

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Q: My boyfriend has this huge dog and he lets him sleep on the bed with us. He gets between us and snuffles my face. I pretend I like it, but I don't. Should I say something or do I have to sleep with a dog the rest of my life?

A: A while back, someone had a similar question about asking her boyfriend to get rid of his dog entirely. If she's cold-he...

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Q: I keep pointing out the flaws in my body, but my boyfriend keeps telling me he's hot for me anyway. I really want to believe him. Is it true?

A: Whoever said "we must learn from history or we are doomed to repeat it" never had a girlfriend, because I swear to all t...

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Q: So, there's a girl I have a thing for. And being that it's a crush, I lose my ability to be interesting, funny, or intelligent in anyway possible. Is there a way to be awkward and funny without being like Michael Cera? 'Cause seriously, I hate that guy.

A: Oh snap, you've done it now. You've asked the question that forces me to reveal my patented (okay, patent pending) femal...

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Q: Whenever I ask my boyfriend what he wants to do for fun, he says "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Then we discuss why I have to be the only one to have an imagination and make plans for us. What's wrong here?

A: That largely depends on how your boyfriend reacts AFTER you go do whatever it is you chose as the evening's activity. If...

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Q: Recently, my sex drive has been super low. I hardly ever feel like having sex, but I do anyway because when I say I don't want to my boyfriend seems really hurt. I love him to death...how can we get past this?

A: First of all, let me say that your boyfriend feeling hurt over a lack of sex having is totally understandable. Sex is li...

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Q: I love whiskey, tell dick jokes, and sometimes pay for dates. Often I'm smarter, wittier, and more honest than the (usually great) men I find, which leads them to feel insecure. How can I make men feel like men without giving up who I am?

A: Well, a lot of the stuff I said to the smart girl with huge, zeppelin-esque jugs applies, but less forcefully because yo...

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Q: Dear MichaeI Swaim, I will keep this short and sweet. I am 17 and have no social grace whatsoever. I would like to know how to tell if a girl likes you or not. I feel like I am offten fooled by their feminine wiles. Love, Walter Melon

A: I can't say no to a Venture Brothers reference, especially on the eve of their glorious return to TV. So, Walter, if tha...

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Q: Swaim, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we think it's time to move in together, but she wants to move into a place that's more expensive than I had anticipated. How do I break it down that we really can't afford it?

A: First of all, if you're looking to move in together, be prepared for money problems to comprise roughly eighty percent o...

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Q: I'm a pretty smart girl. Should I dumb it down for guys? I've also got big boobs. I realize that's not a question, just a statement of fact.

A: Okay, hard as it will be, I'm going to try and answer this question without focusing on your massive, giant, all-crushin...

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Q: My boyfriend has a dog but I am seriously allergic. He's going to have to choose one of us if we are going to take this to the next level.... how do I convince him to choose me?

A: Pets are tricky. Especially baboons. A baboon once convinced me to trade power of attorney for two coconuts and half of ...

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Q: How do I tell me boyfriend that he's getting too fat? He is more sensitive about his weight than my girlfriends!

A: Well, the good news is, your boyfriend's sensitivity implies that he actually cares/notices what his weight is. I honest...

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Q: My boyfriend spends a ridiculous amount of time on Facebook. I know he is connected with 2 of his old girlfriends, who both happen to still be single, should I be worried that he is talking to ex-girlfriends?

A: I hate to cast aspersions on another dude, especially because I know that suspicion can ruin a relationship faster than ...

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Q: What's your favorite funny movie to watch with a girl, or better yet, introduce a girl to?

A: The same movie I like introducing my guy friends to. The same movie everyone in America should legally have to watch at ...

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Q: My best friend's boyfriend just lost his job & we have plans to go out next week. I will have to address it in some way so... what do I say?

A: The Recession is upon us, and it is a hairy, hoary beast. I don't think I've ever known as many unemployed people as I d...

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Q: Am I crazy to seriously contemplate stashing a hidden camera in my fiance's apartment so I can see what really happens at his bachelor party?

A: I think the more pressing question is: are you crazy for marrying a guy you trust so little that you feel the need to se...

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Q: Help! My boyfriend pees in the shower and I hate it... is there anything I can do to get him to stop this awful habit?

A: Unless you're willing to pull a Lorena Bobbitt, get used to it girlfriend. When that warm rush of water hits your bare s...

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