A: He told you he doesn't find lingerie sexy. Why don't you take him at his word? It amazes me how a woman can be told "I d...
Reformed Player
The Reformed Player knows the dark secrets that lurk in the hearts of men, mainly because they’re his secrets too. And he’s willing to reveal all the dirty truths — if it means womankind will forgive him a little for all those times he never called back, told a half-dozen white lies in a row, or made out with your best friend. After all, players have an awful lot of fun. But they never really get the girl, not in the end. The Reformed Player can speak pick-up artist, sensitive emo-dude, and multiple dialects of douchebag. He’s got the inside scoop on all the tricks, false promises, and smooth, jungle cat moves. And he is at your service.
Featured: John DeVore
Recent questions answered by the Reformed Player:
A: Everybody wants to feel special in a relationship. Your girlfriend isn't hurt at guys hitting on you. She's hurt because...
A: AWWWWWWW. You are so cute, I want to vomit marshmallows. You did the right thing. Yes. You wanted to kiss. So you kissed...
A: If you're 100% committed to your man, then there's nothing to worry about. You're 100% committed. That means there is no...
A: You are not allowed to freak out if a guy hasn't called you in a couple days. And this is for your own good. Close your ...
Q: What does it mean when a guy says "my life is complicated"?
A: It means he's an indecisive drama queen. But very sensitive, especially to his own pain. Probably a brooder. Truly, he i...
Q: How long do you "date" before you can ask that dreaded question, what the hell are we?
A: The dreaded question is "What the hell are we?" Well, what the hell are you? Serial Killers? Cyborgs? Sleeper cell agent...
A: That Beyoncé song has made an entire generation of women insufferable. That ditty just inflated expectations, allowing w...
A: Guys are obsessed with twins for the same reason we think adding bacon to everything makes it better. It's Neanderthal m...
A: Don't get married. Cancel the wedding. You can get the money back. Get some physical and emotional distance. Surround yo...
A: They're complimenting you. In a lame, roundabout way. They might not even know it, also. Perhaps they are giggling littl...
Q: What kind of clothes really catch a man's eye?
A: It's not really the clothes that catch our eye. It's the parts of you not covered by fabric. And then the suggestion of ...
A: No. You don't have the right to feel like he's hiding another girl from you. He, however, has a right to privacy. He has...
A: You are the games you play. I am a firm believer that like minded people run together: so people who play petty little m...
A: He messes around with you because his girlfriend hasn't caught him. Also, for the record, you two aren't "friends with b...
A: By the fifth date, there better be some serious exchanges of bodily fluids. Five dates means something is cooking. Fires...
A: That is a gross rule. You should be disqualified as girlfriend material for even quoting that lame, old-fashioned chestn...
A: Don't be in such a rush. I'm assuming you care about this dude, right? That he makes your toes wiggle, heart belch, and ...
A: That you have the hots for an inked booze slinger makes you freaky enough to catch his interest. So next time you see hi...
A: Drama begets drama. You need to just be straight up, and tell him that you know that he's been keeping a long-distance g...
A: I don't know if men would find this very natural bodily function "gross." We're the gender that names our bowel movement...
A: Lock... him... down? As in, what a corrections facility does to its inmates? Perhaps you shouldn't use prison terminolog...
A: Okay, so our friends over at Kiss&Dish have thrown me a question one of their readers sent them. I'm like a second opini...
A: A question from a dude. Awesome. You have two choices: break up with your fiancée, or accept that sometimes a man has to...
A: It's not okay. Why would you ask that? It's not like porn. You know that. Right now, your boyfriend is thinking, "I can'...
A: I wouldn't worry: if you have an open enough mind to accept his sexual past, then you are already well-equipped to handl...
A: Who is he talking to on Myspace? Losers? Because those are the only people I'm aware of who are still on Myspace. I pret...
A: I have no idea. I'm a nice guy, but my love trunk is so gargantuan, when I get excited I barely have enough skin to wink...
A: A chance at what? A chance at sleeping with him, and then weeping over a wedge of coffee cake because he won't call you ...
A: The mind wanders, especially when relaxed. Slips of the tongue are accidents that can happen to anyone in any situation....
A: Were you having a stroke when you wrote that question? Are you okay? Also: just because you call him "husby" (gag) and h...
A: It helps to be straight up with people. If you want a guy to know he's in the "friendzone," the best way is to tell him ...
A: Trust him. Please. Stop being a smothering paranoid. Oops! Did I just type my think? Sorry. But it's the truth. You have...
A: When a guy says he wants his woman to be "slutty," what he means is he wants her to be more aggressive. And not just agg...
A: The two of you should break up. Seriously. You and your boyfriend sound sexually incompatible. Why do you even need help...
A: I wouldn't recommend banging it out with randoms until you are good and ready. Sex has a way of amplifying emotional sta...
Q: How does a girl know when a guy is actually lying to them?
A: You're not going to know, not at first. There's just not going to be an "a-ha!" moment. The thing about liars, is if the...
A: I am generally anti-manscaping. I'm severely weirded out by waxed, dolphin-smooth guys. Like the dudes from Jersey Shore...
A: I don't get it. The last thing I want to see when I'm cranking it is me, naked. I don't make sex tapes. First of all, yo...
A: You don't have to tell him, but you should. The two of you aren't married, so your finances aren't combined. If you were...
A: Assuming I can generalize? Woman, sweeping gender platitudes are my specialty. For instance: women love candles that sme...
A: Stop being so shady. Seriously, you're totally sketchy. Here's the truth: you don't get to have this boyfriend back. Oth...
A: Wow. Give him a second chance, with conditions. There's no reason you have to give him the keys to your heart. Invite hi...
Q: Does my boyfriend think about other girls, such as having sex with them or making out with them?
A: Yes. But let us be fair: you've thought about it as well. I frequently think about donning a cape, calling myself "Batma...
A: Yes, do what you have to do to get your cookie. You deserve it. Besides, a healthy sexual relationship is one where both...
A: It means he's either a borderline hoarder or he's just insecure interacting with people in the real world. Either way, h...
A: Your husband is a chump, but he's not a liar. And if I were him, I'd be ashamed. Dude got played. Ha, ha, ha. Strip club...
A: This is not a big deal. That it's a big deal to you makes it more your problem, not his. His exes former stuff is probab...
Q: Is it hot when girls are loud during sex?
A: Yes. But to be more accurate: it's not so hot when girls are quiet. Unless the dude and a chick are playing a twisted CS...
Q: Pretty blunt, what makes a good blow job. What to do and what not to do?
A: I'll be blunt back: the best blow jobs are the enthusiastic ones. There is no bigger turn off than a woman who treats mo...
A: He doesn't think you're stupid. He just thinks he's clever for getting away with it. And I think you need to grow a spin...
A: If you date a guy who is bothered by your ass kicking prowess, then you shouldn't date him. Oh wowsies, isn't that easy?...
Q: Hey there John, what is it about a 17 year old girl's innocence that attracts older men so much?
A: Men who routinely chase considerably younger women are insecure in bed. The theory goes that a young woman who doesn't h...
A: What do you mean "what do you do?" You already did it. Done. You broke up with him. Don't answer his calls. Instead, use...
A: I have three answers to your main question, which is about why guys tell some girls that they are their girlfriends in p...
A: Yes. You're reading too much into this. Facebook is not reality. Things that happen on social networking sites are not r...
A: You're not doing anything wrong, but you should think about just not doing anything at all. The death of a parent is ter...
A: Go on another coffee date and ask him if he has a girlfriend. Not in an arms-crossed, accusatory way, but in the way two...
Q: Would you rather see a girl in skinny jeans and heels or flared/bootcut jeans ?
A: I would rather see a girl out of her skinny jeans and heels or flared/bootcut jeans. But not in a scary no pants hobo wa...
A: My first thought is: are the two of you fifteen? A hickey? That's the sign of an inexperienced mouth. Segue! You kind of...
A: It depends on your perspective. A high-five, or knuckle bump even, is a preferable review of your carnal assets than, sa...
A: How can you be sure if changed? Not a player? Why, you just have to wait and see. There's not much else you can do. Grab...
A: Let me, first, answer all of your questions. 1. When men stop calling, we have a reason. Unless our thumbs have fallen o...
A: What should you do? Absolutely nothing. Smile. Clap. Eat a shit ton of wedding cake, knock back a couple magnums of cham...
A: I wouldn't even feel guilty, provided your man luh-vah isn't self-conscious or frustrated about it. Let's flip the situa...
A: Yo. Yes, steer clear. For many reasons. The main one being he's a freakin' lazy moron. A dude should know better. Women ...
Q: Does casual sex ever really exist between two people?
A: Yes, casual sex exists. But it's always more casual for one person. I also believe it can only exist between two people ...
Q: What does it mean if a guy you think is interested in you touches you all the time?
A: It means you're covered in ants. It also means he obviously likes you. But I'm going to give you the same advice I've gi...
Q: He blocked my number. Is there a chance to get back together?
A: No. Okay, there's a tiny chance. Nothing is impossible. Implausible, yes. But not impossible. The only way you'll ever e...
Q: What does it mean when a guy tells you he'll be your hero?
A: It means you're dating Enrique Iglesias. Or Batman. Either way, he has a complicated relationship with his father. Are y...
Q: When having sex, and a girl tells you exactly what they want, whats your reaction?
A: Normally my reaction is: okey dokey! Bring it on! I do so love a challenge. Sex is best when two people are comfortable ...
A: Don't worry, you're sexy. That you even care about being sexy for your future husband is proof of sexiness. Other than t...
Q: Is sex all men really want? That's what a couple of guys told me...
A: Men want more than just sex. It's not like we want it all the time. Just, say, 51% of the time. I arrived at that conclu...
A: The practical advice is: there's not much you can do. But whatever you do, don't change. The odds are against you. If yo...
A: Guess you won't know unless you go out with him. Have faith in your natural born womanly instincts: you'll be ale to tel...
Q: Why does he not help around the house? He comes in from work and lays around. And always tired.
A: I have three answers to your question. He doesn't help around the house, and just lounges around like a human lawn chair...
Q: How do you tell a guy that his kissing skills need some refinement?
A: You don't tell him. Sheesh. You SHOW him. I'm a big believer that how a person kisses is more or less how they're going ...
Q: Can I get my guy to stop looking at other women?
A: No. You can't. I mean, you could, but that would entail chloroform, a spoon, and possibly some jail time. More important...
A: And here I was, thinking this only happens on TV. Let's first address him being in bed with another dude: don't address ...
A: Your boyfriend really doesn't want to get married, at least not yet.The two of you have been together for a substantial ...
A: He's either telling you what you want to hear in order to sleep with you or he's a serial killer. Let me reiterate: he's...
A: Yes. Go for it. Take a risk. We've all become such risk-adverse wusses when it comes to sex and relationships. Will you ...
A: First of all, let's remove the comfy snuggie of honesty you've wrapped yourself in. You were not honest with him. You ad...
Q: Is a smiley face a flirty jesture in a text?
A: Yes. No. Neither. The answer to your question is: I don't know. He's texting you, right? That means, on some level, he i...
A: You're not in love with your boyfriend. At best, you're rapidly falling out of love with him. The best way to make a per...
A: Yes. It's probably a sign he's not into you. There are other reasons for him being flaky. He could be wrestling bears. O...
A: You loved him, huh? Then if you loved him then he deserves a second chance. This is why love sucks. Of course, there are...
A: This guy sounds a little loonycakes, but in a strangely appropriate way. And you're wise to be leery of it. The relation...
A: To those who don't know "Testim" is a prescribed gel that you apply to your arms and shoulders to improve testosterone l...
A: Yeah, you need to stop sleeping with this guy. While you're at it, don't see, talk, or text him. Defriend and unfollow h...
A: I always take people at face value. I trust them, and what they say, until proven otherwise. If this guy is flirting wit...
A: I'm sorry. That really sucks. Without threats, guilt trips, or grand drama queen exits, I'd slowly try and stop spending...
A: I don't think guys really care about whether their woman wears make-up. A touch of eye shadow, lipstick, or beauty putty...
A: Yes, it would be wrong. You know it's wrong, but you asked the question anyway. It's wrong, specifically, because your m...
Q: What do guys want after they've had sex with a girl?
A: Probably more sex. Or a sandwich. Definitely a short cuddle, and a long snooze. Personally, I like to watch Mad Men or 3...
Q: Who should be responsible for supplying the condoms? The guy or the girl?
A: Sometimes a guy can't win: he doesn't pack any rubbers, he's reckless. He comes bearing a box or two, and he's presumptu...
A: Punch him in the nipple and shout, "STONE UP, JELLY DONUT!" I know for a fact that nothing drives a woman to crazytown f...
A: It sounds like you've already decided you're going to cheat on him, so go get your freak on. Satisfy your urge, scratch ...
A: Don't "discuss," it with him. "Discussions" are for performance reviews, book clubs, and his action figure collection. W...
Q: What exactly do guys do with "the sock"?
A: Guys put them on their feet. During the winter, I have a wool pair that are cozy, and keep my toes all snuggly. Usually ...
A: You really shouldn't care who your bestie shares her bed with. It's obvious she knows, as do her dude friends, that ther...
Q: do you like girls with tattoos?
A: Yes, I love women with tats. The more, the better. And piercings, too. Lip, tongue, nipples, nether regions. All of it's...
A: Oh, we do love hotel sex. I'll try to answer your questions, as you seem exasperated. We love hotel sex for multiple rea...
A: This site is barely a month old and we're already at "red wings," huh? Let's do this. First of all, it's not strange. Wh...
Q: Can an average looking girl be successful in the dating world?
A: Yes. I'm an average looking guy, and I've been successful. Except for all those times I've been shot down, sneered at, o...
A: Whenever I've been on a date where the chick seems nervous, I ask her questions about herself, the simpler and more basi...
A: If you have an STD, it is your responsibility to tell whoever you're about to have sex with. It sucks, it's humiliating,...
Q: DO I HAVE TO GO DOWN ON HER IF SHE GOES DOWN ON ME?
A: What are you, a doucheknuckle? Of course you go down on her if she goes down on you. You go down on her even if she does...
A: By all means, end it. End it now. No? That's what I thought. Stop being so neurotic, insecure, and impatient. I do not t...
Q: What's the worst pick-up line you've used on a girl... and did it work?
A: Everybody knows pick-up lines don't work. The best way to strike up a conversation with a woman at a bar or a party is t...
A: You don't want to hang out with a dude who won't call first. Sorry. But chances are, he was hammered, and has either for...
A: Life is too short to care what chattering, busybodies think. Just keep doing your work and have faith that you're being ...
Q: When my boyfirend drinks, he gets really obnoxious. What can I do?
A: There's not much you can do. You can mention it to him that when you guys go out, he behaves like a vomit donkey after a...
A: I don't see anything wrong with it either. Women have sexual desires and needs, just like men. In my experience, women a...
A: While he's asleep, take a black magic marker and write "WHERE'S MY B-DAY GIFT, D-BAG" on his forehead. Then scrawl crude...
A: Why are you going through his phone? That's shady as all get out. Once a woman has decided to indulge her paranoid fanta...
Q: Why do guys always have to make dating some kind of ridiculous game?
A: Are you seriously serious? Because, largely, we blame the ladyfolk for making dating a nearly unbearable obstacle course...
