Reformed Player

The Reformed Player knows the dark secrets that lurk in the hearts of men, mainly because they’re his secrets too. And he’s willing to reveal all the dirty truths — if it means womankind will forgive him a little for all those times he never called back, told a half-dozen white lies in a row, or made out with your best friend. After all, players have an awful lot of fun. But they never really get the girl, not in the end. The Reformed Player can speak pick-up artist, sensitive emo-dude, and multiple dialects of douchebag. He’s got the inside scoop on all the tricks, false promises, and smooth, jungle cat moves. And he is at your service.

Recent questions answered by the Reformed Player:

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Q: So my boyfriend does not like me to wear lingerie or sexy things. I've tried and he tells me he doesn't find them sexy. What's up with this? Am I somehow not attractive to him?

A: He told you he doesn't find lingerie sexy. Why don't you take him at his word? It amazes me how a woman can be told "I d...

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Q: How do I get guys to stop trying to date me without being rude or telling them I'm in a relationship with a girl? I'm not emotionally ready to come out. But I know it really hurts my girlfriend when guys hit on me. How can they get that no means no?

A: Everybody wants to feel special in a relationship. Your girlfriend isn't hurt at guys hitting on you. She's hurt because...

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Q: What do guys think of a girl who kisses on the first date? I went on a date last night and I kissed him. No extreme lip lock just a kiss. Did i do the right thing?

A: AWWWWWWW. You are so cute, I want to vomit marshmallows. You did the right thing. Yes. You wanted to kiss. So you kissed...

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Q: I love my fiance, but I am such a dirty flirt. As a waitress, I can't help but to endlessly flirt with our sexy bartender who is all over me as well. I'm 100% committed to my man, so why can't I stop my 'player' ways?

A: If you're 100% committed to your man, then there's nothing to worry about. You're 100% committed. That means there is no...

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Q: A very busy man didn't call for a couple of days. He is married but going through a divorce. Why dont those type of men call or text?

A: You are not allowed to freak out if a guy hasn't called you in a couple days. And this is for your own good. Close your ...

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Q: What does it mean when a guy says "my life is complicated"?

A: It means he's an indecisive drama queen. But very sensitive, especially to his own pain. Probably a brooder. Truly, he i...

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Q: How long do you "date" before you can ask that dreaded question, what the hell are we?

A: The dreaded question is "What the hell are we?" Well, what the hell are you? Serial Killers? Cyborgs? Sleeper cell agent...

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Q: I found over $700 in a box in my boyfriend's (of four years) bedroom. I want it to be for an engagement ring, but I'm sure its for something else. How come he won't put a ring on it?

A: That Beyoncé song has made an entire generation of women insufferable. That ditty just inflated expectations, allowing w...

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Q: Okay honestly what is it with some guys liking twins?! I'm a twin and guys always make comments saying like ooohh twins along with other stuff. Please enlighten me John!

A: Guys are obsessed with twins for the same reason we think adding bacon to everything makes it better. It's Neanderthal m...

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Q: I'm getting married soon but I found out my fiance was cheating on me. He was really calm when I confronted him. I asked him why he didn't seem sorry. He says he doesn't show his feelings on his face. I think he's still cheating on me, what should I do?

A: Don't get married. Cancel the wedding. You can get the money back. Get some physical and emotional distance. Surround yo...

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Q: Does it mean anything for a girl (in guys point of view) if her guy friends have mentioned how they think her mom is "so hot", "so fine" etc. What about the girl?!

A: They're complimenting you. In a lame, roundabout way. They might not even know it, also. Perhaps they are giggling littl...

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Q: What kind of clothes really catch a man's eye?

A: It's not really the clothes that catch our eye. It's the parts of you not covered by fabric. And then the suggestion of ...

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Q: My boyfriend acts shady around me when he gets a phone call or a text message. He says he has issuses with privacy and that he doesn't like people knowing what he's doing all the time. Do I have the right to feel like he's hiding another girl from me?

A: No. You don't have the right to feel like he's hiding another girl from you. He, however, has a right to privacy. He has...

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Q: Maybe I've been watching too much "He's just not that into you," but I refuse to text a guy first. If he is interested he will text me. Not only the first time, but like as we date he should always text me first. How do guys feel about this?

A: You are the games you play. I am a firm believer that like minded people run together: so people who play petty little m...

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Q: ok you seem like a guy who would kno about this...so me n this guy are FWB...he has a gf and he says he loves her, so why does he still mess around with me? does he like me or have feelings for me?

A: He messes around with you because his girlfriend hasn't caught him. Also, for the record, you two aren't "friends with b...

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Q: One date. OK, a GREAT one date, but still one date. He sent me a Facebook friend request. I don't want him to be moving too fast. Is he? That's kinda a 5 or more dates thing, don't you think? What to do?

A: By the fifth date, there better be some serious exchanges of bodily fluids. Five dates means something is cooking. Fires...

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Q: Does the old rule "He won't buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free" hold true? If I like someone then I want to fool around (i.e. bone) and not play the games...does that automatically disqualify me as girlfriend material?

A: That is a gross rule. You should be disqualified as girlfriend material for even quoting that lame, old-fashioned chestn...

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Q: My ex boyfriend came over on V-Day and told me that he wants to try again but wants to take things slow but he won't talk about the problems we had that broke us up. What does that mean in guy language?

A: Don't be in such a rush. I'm assuming you care about this dude, right? That he makes your toes wiggle, heart belch, and ...

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Q: I need some tips for flirting with a bartender. He has sleeves of tattoos and piercings but I'm a blond hair, blue eyed girl next door type. I don't think I'm his type... how can I possibly catch his interest?

A: That you have the hots for an inked booze slinger makes you freaky enough to catch his interest. So next time you see hi...

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Q: I just found out the guy I am seeing has a long distance girlfriend (they have apparently been on and off, but are now "on"). I sent a politely worded 'we need to talk' email. Tonight I have to tell him I know. How do I go about this?

A: Drama begets drama. You need to just be straight up, and tell him that you know that he's been keeping a long-distance g...

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Q: Sometimes I squirt when I have an orgasm, is this something guys think is sexy, or does it gross them out?

A: I don't know if men would find this very natural bodily function "gross." We're the gender that names our bowel movement...

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Q: I've been seeing a guy I met online for about a month. I'm ready to lock him down. Not sure if he's ready to lock me down. Is one month too soon to ask if he's dating/sleeping with other girls?

A: Lock... him... down? As in, what a corrections facility does to its inmates? Perhaps you shouldn't use prison terminolog...

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Q: I met this great guy, but last night i drunk texted him. I am so embarrassed and don't know what to say to him. What do I do? From Kissanddish.com

A: Okay, so our friends over at Kiss&Dish have thrown me a question one of their readers sent them. I'm like a second opini...

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Q: Dude, got a problem. I live with my fiancée. I'm not so sure about the whole relationship thing. I've never had a problem picking up girls. I miss the chase. After 3 years of being together I'm not sure I can stick out the relationship. What do I do?

A: A question from a dude. Awesome. You have two choices: break up with your fiancée, or accept that sometimes a man has to...

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Q: My boyfriend asked his female friends for boob pics. Says it means nothing and it's like porn. Is this okay?

A: It's not okay. Why would you ask that? It's not like porn. You know that. Right now, your boyfriend is thinking, "I can'...

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Q: I'm entering a serious relationship with a really awesome guy. I know he is VERY experienced and I'm cool with it. I'm not that experienced. I'm open to trying things. But I'm nervous that I'm not enough for him. Is that a deal breaker?

A: I wouldn't worry: if you have an open enough mind to accept his sexual past, then you are already well-equipped to handl...

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Q: Is the guy I'm seeing still playing the field? His only MySpace friends are his drinking buddies, and he hardly talks to them offline. Yet he signs on to MySpace every couple days. Who is he talking to on there?

A: Who is he talking to on Myspace? Losers? Because those are the only people I'm aware of who are still on Myspace. I pret...

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Q: Do the guys who are nicer to girls have a smaller penis then the guys who are ass holes? My friend has dated a lot of guys and told me the nicer they are, the smaller their penis is. Is this true?

A: I have no idea. I'm a nice guy, but my love trunk is so gargantuan, when I get excited I barely have enough skin to wink...

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Q: I hit it off with this guy I met last year. We ended up sleeping together. He stopped talking to me because he "hits it and quits it". I'm going to be seeing him this Thursday. I was wondering if I had a chance with this guy or not?

A: A chance at what? A chance at sleeping with him, and then weeping over a wedge of coffee cake because he won't call you ...

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Q: He moaned and said "ohhhh Susan" recently when I was giving him oral. That's great and all, but my name isn't Susan. He caught himself, and called me "honey" the rest of the time. We were together for 12 hours before that so why the slip?

A: The mind wanders, especially when relaxed. Slips of the tongue are accidents that can happen to anyone in any situation....

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Q: iiF Myy BoYFRiieNd aNd ii CaLL eaCh oTHeR HuSByy&.WiiFeyy BuT He STiiLL CHeaTs WHaT SHouLd ii dO.?

A: Were you having a stroke when you wrote that question? Are you okay? Also: just because you call him "husby" (gag) and h...

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Q: When you "friendzone" a guy, does he know that's happened? I know sometimes women say guys are clueless...but truly...you guys aren't THAT clueless are you?

A: It helps to be straight up with people. If you want a guy to know he's in the "friendzone," the best way is to tell him ...

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Q: For the past couple of months, my boyfriend has been really into "guys night". It makes me really uneasy when he is going to the city every other night with just guys and not me. Should I be questioning him so much or should I just trust him?

A: Trust him. Please. Stop being a smothering paranoid. Oops! Did I just type my think? Sorry. But it's the truth. You have...

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Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now and recently our sex life has gotten stale... We talked about it and he wants me to be "more slutty"and initiate more. Any suggestions on how to do this?

A: When a guy says he wants his woman to be "slutty," what he means is he wants her to be more aggressive. And not just agg...

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Q: My boyfriend has never "released" on my face after oral because I've always felt it was disrespectful. About a week back, he did just that and I started to cry. Now he feels bad and we haven't had any sex for weeks. Help?

A: The two of you should break up. Seriously. You and your boyfriend sound sexually incompatible. Why do you even need help...

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Q: I've been told by several people that the best way to get over someone is to hook up with someone else. What do you think?

A: I wouldn't recommend banging it out with randoms until you are good and ready. Sex has a way of amplifying emotional sta...

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Q: How does a girl know when a guy is actually lying to them?

A: You're not going to know, not at first. There's just not going to be an "a-ha!" moment. The thing about liars, is if the...

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Q: How do I get my guy to manscape without offending him? I would love to give him oral, but I feel like I'm flossing!

A: I am generally anti-manscaping. I'm severely weirded out by waxed, dolphin-smooth guys. Like the dudes from Jersey Shore...

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Q: What is it with guys wanting to Video tape sex ?? Is it for their egos or do they use this for inspiration while masturbating ??

A: I don't get it. The last thing I want to see when I'm cranking it is me, naked. I don't make sex tapes. First of all, yo...

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Q: I am going through some financial troubles and need to file bankruptcy, do I have to telly my boyfriend ? I'm embarassed and independent and make my own money so is it really something I need to divulge ?

A: You don't have to tell him, but you should. The two of you aren't married, so your finances aren't combined. If you were...

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Q: Assuming we could generalize, what would you consider *THE* most important quality for a man's "ideal woman" to have? (Let's leave sex out of it, for the purposes of this one question.) Many thanks!

A: Assuming I can generalize? Woman, sweeping gender platitudes are my specialty. For instance: women love candles that sme...

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Q: I secretly dated a guy on/off for three months and I broke it off because I knew it was unhealthy. He then got a gf, and now I want him back as a non-secret BF. What do I do?

A: Stop being so shady. Seriously, you're totally sketchy. Here's the truth: you don't get to have this boyfriend back. Oth...

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Q: I contacted an ex after I heard he had cancer. He started talking to me in tears and shock that id have anything to do with him. I lost my v card to him 5 yrs ago. He cheated and left me. He's in remission and single. Should I give him a 2nd chance?

A: Wow. Give him a second chance, with conditions. There's no reason you have to give him the keys to your heart. Invite hi...

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Q: Does my boyfriend think about other girls, such as having sex with them or making out with them?

A: Yes. But let us be fair: you've thought about it as well. I frequently think about donning a cape, calling myself "Batma...

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Q: Sexually speaking.. while being intimate.. is it ok to pleasure Myself ? In conjunction w sex of course with my mate ? I don't want my man to think he isn't doing the job right but I find it enhances things for me in certain positions.

A: Yes, do what you have to do to get your cookie. You deserve it. Besides, a healthy sexual relationship is one where both...

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Q: What does it generally mean when a guy mostly just talks to only girls on facebook? And I mean, A LOT of girls. Attractive girls. Attractive, party girls.

A: It means he's either a borderline hoarder or he's just insecure interacting with people in the real world. Either way, h...

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Q: If my husband spent thousands of dollars at a strip club, did he get "something"? He claims that nothing happenned. I beg to differ cause I would have got somthing for that much money!

A: Your husband is a chump, but he's not a liar. And if I were him, I'd be ashamed. Dude got played. Ha, ha, ha. Strip club...

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Q: I'm just wondering why a guy would keep things that belongs to his ex? And when the new girl he is casually seeing asks him about her stuff he acts as if its not a big deal that he still has her stuff.

A: This is not a big deal. That it's a big deal to you makes it more your problem, not his. His exes former stuff is probab...

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Q: Is it hot when girls are loud during sex?

A: Yes. But to be more accurate: it's not so hot when girls are quiet. Unless the dude and a chick are playing a twisted CS...

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Q: Pretty blunt, what makes a good blow job. What to do and what not to do?

A: I'll be blunt back: the best blow jobs are the enthusiastic ones. There is no bigger turn off than a woman who treats mo...

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Q: If my husband cheated and I know he cheated, and he knows I know he cheated, If I choose to stay do you think he feels that I am stupid for staying with him?

A: He doesn't think you're stupid. He just thinks he's clever for getting away with it. And I think you need to grow a spin...

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Q: I'm a martial artist trained in several different disciplines, but you couldn't tell by looking at me (short, geeky). How does it affect a guy to find out I'm capable of winning a fight?

A: If you date a guy who is bothered by your ass kicking prowess, then you shouldn't date him. Oh wowsies, isn't that easy?...

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Q: Hey there John, what is it about a 17 year old girl's innocence that attracts older men so much?

A: Men who routinely chase considerably younger women are insecure in bed. The theory goes that a young woman who doesn't h...

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Q: I just broke up with a man. In the beginning he was the most charming man in the world. He slowly became controlling, mean to my son, trying to make me jealous by threatening to sleep with his ex if I left him. He promises he can change. What do I do?

A: What do you mean "what do you do?" You already did it. Done. You broke up with him. Don't answer his calls. Instead, use...

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Q: Why do guys tell a girl she's his girlfriend but tells others he's single and get with other girls behind her back? Why don't they just stay single then and play the field?

A: I have three answers to your main question, which is about why guys tell some girls that they are their girlfriends in p...

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Q: It bothers me that my boyfriend Never posts on my Facebook page. He does have me listed as his relationship status but thats it. Am I reading too much into this ?

A: Yes. You're reading too much into this. Facebook is not reality. Things that happen on social networking sites are not r...

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Q: When me and my bf started off we spent alot of time together, now since after his mother passed its like i try to be there for him but he advoids me and go talk to his brothers. Am i doing anything wrong?

A: You're not doing anything wrong, but you should think about just not doing anything at all. The death of a parent is ter...

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Q: I have talking to this guy for the past couple of weeks. We even went on a coffee date the other day. The only problem is, I hear from mutual friends he has a girlfriend. Why has he never brought her up to me? Is he looking to cheat on her with me, scoping me out a potential new gf, or just friends?

A: Go on another coffee date and ask him if he has a girlfriend. Not in an arms-crossed, accusatory way, but in the way two...

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Q: Would you rather see a girl in skinny jeans and heels or flared/bootcut jeans ?

A: I would rather see a girl out of her skinny jeans and heels or flared/bootcut jeans. But not in a scary no pants hobo wa...

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Q: On our final date the boy I was seeing (we were not exclusive) shows up with a hickey the size of Texas. I, disgusted leave the date midway through. He says I am over reacting. I think it is disrespectful and don't plan on seeing him again. Thoughts?

A: My first thought is: are the two of you fifteen? A hickey? That's the sign of an inexperienced mouth. Segue! You kind of...

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Q: I recently had a threesome with a guy I am casually seeing and his ex-girlfriend. During the festivities I think they reached across me and high fived. This is not a good sign in it?

A: It depends on your perspective. A high-five, or knuckle bump even, is a preferable review of your carnal assets than, sa...

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Q: My friend's say my boyfriend is a player. He has never done anything that makes me think he is, but i could be wrong. Ive heard about how he was before we started dating, but he says he changed. "It's different this time." How can i tell if this is true?

A: How can you be sure if changed? Not a player? Why, you just have to wait and see. There's not much else you can do. Grab...

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Q: Can you please enlighten me and tell me why do guys stop calling with no reason whatsoever? Is it so hard to say 'This isn't going anywhere' or 'it's over'? Are guys afraid we'll act psycho and/or melodramatic by saying so? What's the deal with this?

A: Let me, first, answer all of your questions. 1. When men stop calling, we have a reason. Unless our thumbs have fallen o...

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Q: I'm in love with my best friend but he is marrying another girl soon. I know he loves her, but she is a total b**ch. She's cheated on him twice that I know of and I think she is just using him for something. What should I do?

A: What should you do? Absolutely nothing. Smile. Clap. Eat a shit ton of wedding cake, knock back a couple magnums of cham...

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Q: Sorry to be explicit, but I can't get him to orgasm! Never had this problem before. I know it affects things, but...how much? Is this a real dealbreaker or is it okay that, except for the occasional pang of guilt, I'm not about to kill myself over it?

A: I wouldn't even feel guilty, provided your man luh-vah isn't self-conscious or frustrated about it. Let's flip the situa...

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Q: Yo, this guy I've been hanging out with a lot has been booty-calling a friend of mine. Is it a good call to steer clear of a potential relationship with him?

A: Yo. Yes, steer clear. For many reasons. The main one being he's a freakin' lazy moron. A dude should know better. Women ...

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Q: Does casual sex ever really exist between two people?

A: Yes, casual sex exists. But it's always more casual for one person. I also believe it can only exist between two people ...

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Q: What does it mean if a guy you think is interested in you touches you all the time?

A: It means you're covered in ants. It also means he obviously likes you. But I'm going to give you the same advice I've gi...

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Q: He blocked my number. Is there a chance to get back together?

A: No. Okay, there's a tiny chance. Nothing is impossible. Implausible, yes. But not impossible. The only way you'll ever e...

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Q: What does it mean when a guy tells you he'll be your hero?

A: It means you're dating Enrique Iglesias. Or Batman. Either way, he has a complicated relationship with his father. Are y...

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Q: When having sex, and a girl tells you exactly what they want, whats your reaction?

A: Normally my reaction is: okey dokey! Bring it on! I do so love a challenge. Sex is best when two people are comfortable ...

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Q: Dear John, I am getting married soon and I am virgin and never been more than... half naked with a guy. How can I be sexy for husband on our wedding night?

A: Don't worry, you're sexy. That you even care about being sexy for your future husband is proof of sexiness. Other than t...

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Q: Is sex all men really want? That's what a couple of guys told me...

A: Men want more than just sex. It's not like we want it all the time. Just, say, 51% of the time. I arrived at that conclu...

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Q: I'm almost 22 and I have never had a boyfriend. I'm a tomboy and I always find myself in the friend zone with guys. What can i do to change that?

A: The practical advice is: there's not much you can do. But whatever you do, don't change. The odds are against you. If yo...

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Q: So I met this guy at a party where I was completely hammered and acting a fool. He facebooked me and we talked all night partly about how crazy i was and now he wants to meet up again. Is he only trying to get with the crazy loose girl?

A: Guess you won't know unless you go out with him. Have faith in your natural born womanly instincts: you'll be ale to tel...

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Q: Why does he not help around the house? He comes in from work and lays around. And always tired.

A: I have three answers to your question. He doesn't help around the house, and just lounges around like a human lawn chair...

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Q: How do you tell a guy that his kissing skills need some refinement?

A: You don't tell him. Sheesh. You SHOW him. I'm a big believer that how a person kisses is more or less how they're going ...

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Q: Can I get my guy to stop looking at other women?

A: No. You can't. I mean, you could, but that would entail chloroform, a spoon, and possibly some jail time. More important...

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Q: I came home last night to find my boyfriend in bed with another hot dude. I did get angry and storm out to stay with a close friend. What should I do today and say to my boyfriend? I love him so but want to make him happy.

A: And here I was, thinking this only happens on TV. Let's first address him being in bed with another dude: don't address ...

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Q: My bf & I have been together 5 yrs, lived together 4. I have a promise ring as a promise to marry someday. We are both 37. But his best friend told me when they went out the other nite, my bf was partying & dancing with college girls. What do I do?

A: Your boyfriend really doesn't want to get married, at least not yet.The two of you have been together for a substantial ...

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Q: If you met a guy online and he says he loves you before you've met in person, what does that mean?

A: He's either telling you what you want to hear in order to sleep with you or he's a serial killer. Let me reiterate: he's...

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Q: I met a bad-boy type guy through mutual friends, opposites in every way, but we have chemistry.We once sat up just talking from 12 to 5am.Two Saturdays ago we hooked up for the first time on the dance floor. Should I date him?

A: Yes. Go for it. Take a risk. We've all become such risk-adverse wusses when it comes to sex and relationships. Will you ...

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Q: My boyfriend had moved away for a year. When he came back I was honest with him that I had dated someone else while he was gone. I wanted things to start new so I wanted to be honest. I was surprised that he was upset and it pushed him away. Why do I do?

A: First of all, let's remove the comfy snuggie of honesty you've wrapped yourself in. You were not honest with him. You ad...

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Q: Is a smiley face a flirty jesture in a text?

A: Yes. No. Neither. The answer to your question is: I don't know. He's texting you, right? That means, on some level, he i...

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Q: I love my boyfriend but I'm also attracted to his roommate/friend. No, I don't want to know if this is okay, I'm well aware that I should ignore said feelings but my real question is: How do I get him to make a move on me?

A: You're not in love with your boyfriend. At best, you're rapidly falling out of love with him. The best way to make a per...

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Q: If a guy talks to you all the time and then just stops does that mean he doesn't like you no more?

A: Yes. It's probably a sign he's not into you. There are other reasons for him being flaky. He could be wrestling bears. O...

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Q: I loved a real jerk for six years, two years ago he gets all drunk and handsy with me and I freaked out (I was passed out...). We had a huge falling out. FFW to the present, we are emailing now, he seems to have changed. Should I run for the hills?

A: You loved him, huh? Then if you loved him then he deserves a second chance. This is why love sucks. Of course, there are...

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Q: I met a guy. He's intensely into me in a way I've never experienced. He is fresh off a horrible breakup from a 5 year relationship where they were living together. We clicked instantly but I can tell he's not ready to get involved. What do I do?

A: This guy sounds a little loonycakes, but in a strangely appropriate way. And you're wise to be leery of it. The relation...

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Q: over the weekend I accidentally found out my guy is using testim gel (he left the empty tube in my bathroom) now he hasn't said anything to me, should I ask him about it or wait for him to tell me?

A: To those who don't know "Testim" is a prescribed gel that you apply to your arms and shoulders to improve testosterone l...

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Q: My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 2 years ago. During this period he has maintained a sexual relationship with me, even though he has a girlfriend he "really cares about." I have not dated at all, yet he accuses me of being a whore. Why does he say that?

A: Yeah, you need to stop sleeping with this guy. While you're at it, don't see, talk, or text him. Defriend and unfollow h...

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Q: A guy friend that I had always thought of as being as gay has recently started to "flirt" with me and telling me he's bisexual. At first, I thought he was kidding, but now I'm not so sure. Any advice?

A: I always take people at face value. I trust them, and what they say, until proven otherwise. If this guy is flirting wit...

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Q: How am I supposed to get over my best friend? I've been in love with him for five years consistently (he knows it and can't feel the same way).I can't just "dump" him because...well. he's my best friend!

A: I'm sorry. That really sucks. Without threats, guilt trips, or grand drama queen exits, I'd slowly try and stop spending...

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Q: Do you think guys really notice the difference between girls with or without their makeup? We ladies can always tell but does it really matter to guys?

A: I don't think guys really care about whether their woman wears make-up. A touch of eye shadow, lipstick, or beauty putty...

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Q: The best sex I've ever had is with a guy who (years later) is now in a serious monogamous relationship. We're still good friends, but we never talk about our sexual past. Would it be wrong of me to let him know that he's still the best in my book?

A: Yes, it would be wrong. You know it's wrong, but you asked the question anyway. It's wrong, specifically, because your m...

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Q: What do guys want after they've had sex with a girl?

A: Probably more sex. Or a sandwich. Definitely a short cuddle, and a long snooze. Personally, I like to watch Mad Men or 3...

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Q: Who should be responsible for supplying the condoms? The guy or the girl?

A: Sometimes a guy can't win: he doesn't pack any rubbers, he's reckless. He comes bearing a box or two, and he's presumptu...

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Q: How can I tell my boyfriend (nicely) that sometimes, I just wish he would be more of the MAN in our relationship and take the lead. I'm in charge a lot at work and I'd like to follow his lead once in a while, if he would just do some leading...

A: Punch him in the nipple and shout, "STONE UP, JELLY DONUT!" I know for a fact that nothing drives a woman to crazytown f...

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Q: I don't want to leave my husband of 15+ yrs & have never cheated before, but due to sexual dissatisfaction (my husband is *very* conventional, won't do oral) I'd like to indulge in a purely sexual affair while I'm still in good shape. What do I do?

A: It sounds like you've already decided you're going to cheat on him, so go get your freak on. Satisfy your urge, scratch ...

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Q: I'm 27, have had diverse lovers (age/experience) but never an orgasm during sex. Nothing physically wrong w/ me, just hasn't happened. I'm a faker (I know, no lecture necessary). Don't want to fake it anymore...Should I discuss it with my next lover?

A: Don't "discuss," it with him. "Discussions" are for performance reviews, book clubs, and his action figure collection. W...

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Q: What exactly do guys do with "the sock"?

A: Guys put them on their feet. During the winter, I have a wool pair that are cozy, and keep my toes all snuggly. Usually ...

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Q: My best friend occasionally lets her male friends share her bed after a night out w/ their friends (just bc it's late, people are drunk, etc) & insists things are innocent. I disagree. She's hot and I think guys secretly enjoy it.

A: You really shouldn't care who your bestie shares her bed with. It's obvious she knows, as do her dude friends, that ther...

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Q: do you like girls with tattoos?

A: Yes, I love women with tats. The more, the better. And piercings, too. Lip, tongue, nipples, nether regions. All of it's...

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Q: Why do all the men I've been with love vacation sex so very very much? What's the huge appeal? Why are they better in bed in another city? And why does it have to been done AS SOON as my bags are placed on the floor of the hotel room?

A: Oh, we do love hotel sex. I'll try to answer your questions, as you seem exasperated. We love hotel sex for multiple rea...

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Q: So many men do not like to have sex while a woman has her period. This is a mistake for many reasons in my opinion. I can multi orgasm very easily by grinding on my guys leg and it works well during "that" time of the month. Is this a strange alternative

A: This site is barely a month old and we're already at "red wings," huh? Let's do this. First of all, it's not strange. Wh...

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Q: Can an average looking girl be successful in the dating world?

A: Yes. I'm an average looking guy, and I've been successful. Except for all those times I've been shot down, sneered at, o...

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Q: On my last few dates the men were blatantly REALLY nervous. Not sure why...I think myself nice/approachable/friendly. I try humor to break the ice. Why are they so nervous? What can I do to make them more comfortable?

A: Whenever I've been on a date where the chick seems nervous, I ask her questions about herself, the simpler and more basi...

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Q: How do you explain away the "war wounds," as in the STDs? How do you move forward, knowing you risk infecting your future with your ill-advised past?

A: If you have an STD, it is your responsibility to tell whoever you're about to have sex with. It sucks, it's humiliating,...

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Q: DO I HAVE TO GO DOWN ON HER IF SHE GOES DOWN ON ME?

A: What are you, a doucheknuckle? Of course you go down on her if she goes down on you. You go down on her even if she does...

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Q: After 2 years of dating and living together for 6 months, my boyfriend says he's still not sure he wants to get married. Is there any hope or do I end it?

A: By all means, end it. End it now. No? That's what I thought. Stop being so neurotic, insecure, and impatient. I do not t...

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Q: What's the worst pick-up line you've used on a girl... and did it work?

A: Everybody knows pick-up lines don't work. The best way to strike up a conversation with a woman at a bar or a party is t...

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Q: A guy at a bar asked for my number and gave me his. It's been a week and he hasn't called yet... do you think he is waiting for me to call him?

A: You don't want to hang out with a dude who won't call first. Sorry. But chances are, he was hammered, and has either for...

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Q: My co-workers think my boss has a thing for me and that's why I got a promotion over them, which is simply not true! How do I get them to see I that my work is just better than theirs?

A: Life is too short to care what chattering, busybodies think. Just keep doing your work and have faith that you're being ...

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Q: When my boyfirend drinks, he gets really obnoxious. What can I do?

A: There's not much you can do. You can mention it to him that when you guys go out, he behaves like a vomit donkey after a...

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Q: How come when a guy sleeps around he's a stud, but when a girl sleeps around she's a slut? I don't see a anything wrong with a woman sleeping around. What do you think?

A: I don't see anything wrong with it either. Women have sexual desires and needs, just like men. In my experience, women a...

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Q: My boyfriend didn't get me a present for my birthday... again! He's a great guy but terrible in the gift giving dept... so how do I drill home that I would like a thoughtful gift once in a while?

A: While he's asleep, take a black magic marker and write "WHERE'S MY B-DAY GIFT, D-BAG" on his forehead. Then scrawl crude...

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Q: I went through my boyfriend's cell & saw that his ex-girlfriend continues to call him. Should I confront him about it?

A: Why are you going through his phone? That's shady as all get out. Once a woman has decided to indulge her paranoid fanta...

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Q: Why do guys always have to make dating some kind of ridiculous game?

A: Are you seriously serious? Because, largely, we blame the ladyfolk for making dating a nearly unbearable obstacle course...

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