Wise-Ass

Nobody likes a Wise Ass, right? When the chips are down and you need advice, why bother asking an honest, objective stranger when you’ve got plenty of family and friends to coddle you and tell you exactly what you want to hear? Who needs the truth when all you really want is to feel better about yourself? A kick in the seat and a good laugh will ruin your little pity party. Besides, your mom and your unmarried 46-year-old friend with three cats and one ex-boyfriend from high school — they know far more about guys than, say, a guy himself, right?

Recent questions answered by the Wise-Ass:

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Q: My bf said he likes rougher sex, so we tried it and I've never seen him so turned on. Problem: It was scary. I was bruised and queasy afterward. He apologized but I feel uncomfortable with him now. Should I let it go or is this a sign of something else?

A: The rough sex was a little rougher than you expected, huh? Something tells me your experience is common among first-time...

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Q: How come all advice and literature about men assumes they are horny, sex-crazed, one-track-minded people? I've known men who don't masturbate or talk sex all the time. Where is the advice to deal with these guys?

A: Where are the questions about dealing with these guys? We don't just dole out random bits of advice here. We answer ques...

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Q: Is "I'm not looking for anything serious" code for: I don't want to see you any more, or I want to take things slow?

A: Neither. It means, "I want to pork (or continue porking) you without any obligation or commitment." He could be saying t...

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Q: I gave him some oral services and he hasn't called or texted since...have I been officially dumped? Should I call to verify?

A: You haven't been officially dumped. An official dumping would be if he called you and said, "Thanks for the blow-job. I'...

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Q: I recently broke up with my bf, but we've stayed good friends. However, when I text him stuff like, "So glad we're friends," "You're an incredible person," "I care so much about you; I want you to be happy," his only reply is a smiley face. WTF?!

A: Could be one of two things. Thing 1: He's just being a guy, i.e. he doesn't like to text, or his phone doesn't have a QW...

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Q: Am i too old to get married at 40?

A: Yes, absolutely. You're far too old. Ancient, even. I bet it was cool to see the wheel invented. Did they let you ride i...

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Q: My boyfriend keeps asking me if i think he's big. Honestly, he isn't the most well-endowed guy ever, and I know better than to say THAT, but I'm a horrible liar. What's the best way to answer him in the future?

A: Ah, yes, the Great Size Question, a favorite of insecure men around the globe. Nothing like being put on the spot, huh? ...

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Q: O Great Wise-Ass, I am a freshman in college and a virgin. I've been intimate with guys before, just haven't lost the big V. I'm thinking I should just get it over with, since I'm not necessarily waiting until marriage, but I'm not sure. Advice?

A: Get it over with? You make losing your virginity sound like having your wisdom teeth removed. What's your rush? So what ...

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Q: so when you bf tells you that four years is too soon to start thinking about getting married and that we should wait ten, what does that mean?

A: It means you need to find a new boyfriend if marriage is your goal, because I don't think it will ever happen with this ...

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Q: Hey Cary, I'm a single mom. My son is 6 years old and I really want to date but find that I'm blocked. I don't want to parade a bunch of men in and out of my sons life. How do I go about the dating scene with a young child in tow?

A: By not doing it with him in tow. I can imagine that dating as a single parent is hard. I know that just being a single p...

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Q: How to tell my guy to go down for me..without saying anything

A: What are you, a mime? You should be looking for a new career, not trying to get oral sex. You could try sign language --...

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Q: walnuts or peanuts?

A: Walnuts. Hands down. Then almonds. Then peanuts. Anything but cashews. I don't like cashews....

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Q: My boyfriend is going away for six months to backpack and see the world. What should I do?

A: Tell him to have fun and send postcards. Then find other guys to date. What? You're supposed to wait for him? You certai...

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Q: Is it possible to train your boyfriend? Teach him what girls like and don't like (bring her flowers, taking her out, no burping etc.)? Most girls seem to try but does it actually work?

A: Hell yeah it works. Most guys who know how to act and dress and groom even halfway decently have a woman to thank. Women...

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Q: My husband is not my children's father and he treats them like they are the worst kids on the planet. He fusses at them constantly and it's getting old. We broke up once because of it and he promised to do better. I love him very much, any advice?

A: Yeah, give the man a Xanax and tell him to lighten the F up. Funny you should ask this, because I was just discussing th...

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Q: What do you say to a woman who hasn't dated in five years because she's afraid to get hurt again?

A: I say rub some dirt on it and get back in the game. You got hurt. I'm sorry. It sucks, I know, because I've been there. ...

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Q: My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago but now he is coming around being all sweet and trying to win back my heart. If he wanted me so much, why couldn't he be that way the first time around?

A: Because guys are idiots sometimes. Once we have something, we tend to take it for granted. Women do it, too, but I think...

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Q: I'm a 43 year old single mother of two. I've been dating this guy for 15 months and we have not gone out for dinner, movies, bowling, nothing except sex. Should I dump him or hold on?

A: Hold on? For what? Halley's Comet? Call me crazy, but I think if Johnny Quickpants had any intention of taking you out o...

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Q: So, since this is a site for women, how do we know you're not just telling us what we want to hear? Would you hold the same views, say, if this were Men.com?

A: How do you know we're not telling you what you want to hear? You don't. You'll just have to assume that we are being as ...

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Q: My boss is constantly making lewd jokes about women who come into the store. I guess he tells me because I'm the only one in earshot, but it's obnoxious. I've told him to stop and he just says I'm being too sensitive. How do I get him to shut up?

A: Oh, lighten up. He's just kidding around. What's the harm? HA, I'm joking. Couldn't resist. Such is my nature. Sorry. Ok...

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Q: After the first date, is it bad if a gal calls up to three times to ask him out on another? Each call would be spaced out about every two or three days and would have a voice message,

A: Why stop at three? Call him every day, every hour on the hour, until he capitulates and agrees to go out with you just t...

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Q: At what point in a relationship would you seek outside help? My on-again-off-again boyfriend wants to be on again. I think we should see a counselor to sort out our obvious problems, but he doesn't. I just want the cycle to end. Am I being unreasonable?

A: Hell no! You are being wise and trying to save a relationship that is important to you. If he had any sense, he'd see th...

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Q: Oh Wise One, I require your sacred advice. There is this guy I flirt with sometimes, and its all good until the flirting turns into lewd comments. Is there a polite way to tell him he crossed the line without totally turning him off?

A: Sacred advice. Nice. Thanks, I like that. Even if it's not true. I'm no saint, so it's more like damned advice. So here'...

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Q: I'm dating a man who's absolutely perfect for me: hilarious, honest, hard-working, and treats me wonderfully. I'm very happy with him. One problem: he lives with his parents (age 28 and pays rent). He talks about moving out but hasn't. What's the deal?

A: I don't know what the deal is, but I can see how that would worry you. I agree that 28 is too old to still live at home,...

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Q: How can I get my boyfriend to stop asking me questions about my past? I told the truth about my sex number... and it's 4 more than he has slept with... now he is obsessed about knowing my sexual histories with guys.

A: Hmm. Sounds to me like your +4 advantage has thrown him for a loop. Most guys aren't used to that; we're the ones who ca...

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Q: I have been married 20 years, and my husband does not satisfy me in bed. I've tried everything to help him -- books, porn, telling him what I like. Nothing works. He says I satisfy him fully. What else can I do?

A: Masturbate. Early and often. Wank it, spank it, crank it and yank it. Go at it like a 13-year-old boy with his first iss...

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Q: I've cheated on my spouse three times in our relationship. Now he wants to punish me by having a threesome with one of my friends. Is that fair?

A: Fair? FAIR?! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

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Q: How do I tell a guy that he stinks without being rude?

A: Wear a gas mask on your next date? Nah, I guess that's rude. What do you mean, he stinks? He has a gas problem? Bad brea...

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Q: My husband likes to look at porn on his computer and even though he tries to hide it, I know he does. I also found out he's been renting the playboy channel on TV and watching it while I am away. Is that normal or is he thinking about straying?

A: It's normal. Guys like porn. Let me repeat that for the hearing impaired: Guys. Like. Porn. In fact, I'm looking at porn...

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Q: Hey Cary! I would love to hear your view on this. I used to be really heavy and recently lost forty pounds. But I still have a bit of a tummy and my boyfriend constantly teases me about it. He says he is only joking but I'm not so sure. What do you think?

A: I think he needs to shut the hell up. Seriously. Or learn how to say, "I'm so proud of you for losing weight. You look t...

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Q: My boyfriend didn't get me anything for Christmas. He is out of work right now and says he only bought gifts for his son. Should I be upset he didn't get me anything? I don't expect much but at least a card would've been nice.

A: Yeah, I'm with you, he sucks. I know you didn't say that, but I am: he sucks, at least at gift-giving. Dude could've don...

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Q: Hi Cary! At what point in a relationship should one reveal mental issues — that are completely controlled by medication — like bipolar disorder? I don't want someone to feel ambushed but I also don't want to be shut down before they get to know me.

A: Great question, Sophia, but not an easy one to answer. Your instincts are correct: you do want to be careful when you re...

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Q: My fiance has lied before in his other relationships and I've caught him in a bunch of lies as well. None of the lies really involve me. Most are about his past. I really do love him, but I don't know if I should keep forgiving him.

A: Forgive him all you like, but I'm not sure I'd marry the guy. Here's the thing: everybody lies sometimes. Yes you do. An...

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Q: Since you won my heart in an earlier post: Am I being too harsh by dismissing guys who ignored me in high school? I'm getting attention now from guys who never even considered me back then. Thoughts?

A: Thanks for the compliment, OlySky. I don't know that you're being harsh, per se. You have a right to be uninterested in ...

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Q: Do men find it attractive when a woman masturbates? Not necessarily in front of them, but just in general?

A: Well, for starters, most men assume that most women are already doing it. Yes, studies show that fewer women masturbate ...

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Q: I've recently met a guy who's PERFECT for me! He's easy to talk to, funny and treats me well. The catch? I'm not physically attracted to him. There's no "spark" for me. Should I hang in there and hope it changes? Or would it have already happened by now?

A: It would've already happened by now. If there's no spark now, there surely won't be one in the future. And don't call me...

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Q: I recently met a rich guy who keeps offering to buy me stuff, from groceries to larger items. I'm not a girl who's looking for a dude to pay her bills. Should I be saying yes or no to his offers? I don't want him to think that's all I want him for.

A: Well, you can take his gifts if you like, but know that every gift comes with a price. Remember the beginning of The God...

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Q: Are large nipples a turn-off to guys? How common are large nipples in women?

A: What? Sorry, I stopped reading at nipples. One sec, please. Okay, I'm back. I think large nipples are like anything else...

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Q: Why won't guys ask me out? I'm pretty, smart, funny, laugh at jokes, and fun to be around but guys always seem to "just be friends." I don't understand! Please help.

A: You forgot "modest." Just kidding. Confidence is a good thing. I wish I could say for sure why no one's asking you out, ...

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Q: What are good comebacks for snotty mean girls?

A: Let me guess: high school? Ugh. The best comeback is simply to ignore them. No, it's not as much fun as telling them whe...

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Q: I am 23 and very attractive. Why are older men way better at sex?

A: Congratulations, and thanks for noticing. I agree with you: I think many guys get better in bed as we age, and there are...

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Q: My husband of 43 years says he only has to be accountable to God. What is your take on this?

A: My take is that even God thinks your husband is full of shit."Only accountable to God," huh? Right. Does he say that to ...

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Q: When and how do I tell my husband that I think he drinks too much, again?

A: First things first: if you aren't sure he has a problem -- you say you "think" he drinks too much -- I encourage you to ...

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Q: I had a great date with a guy who's 30 (I'm 21). We had a nice time but he hasn't called or texted me. What did i do wrong?

A: It could be any number of things. Did you call him "dad"? Did you talk about Taylor Swift or "The Hills" all night? Did ...

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Q: What are your views on a woman with stretch marks?

A: My view is that she's a normal human being, just like people with birthmarks, crooked toes and hairy nipples. My view is...

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Q: My bf is really experienced, but I'm a virgin and will tell him but by convention.. who buys the condoms? is lube necessary? who buys that? WHERE? should we be planning this out, just let it happen..what is proper first-time etiquette to minimize stress etc.

A: Great question, and I'm not sure I can answer it fully, since it's been a while since I had to worry about condoms and s...

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Q: My boyfriend lives in a group foster home. I want to ask him why he's living there but I don't want to be rude. Please keep in mind he's 14 and I'm 13. Thanks.

A: I don't think you should ask him. I know you are curious, but it's really not your business, and it has no bearing on ho...

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Q: What would possibly possess a guy to say, "I love you but can't do anything about it"? No, he isn't married or in another relationship. Is he simply afraid to commit? What a weirdo!

A: Hmm. Maybe he lost his balls in the war. It happens. They say being ball-less makes lovemaking a challenge. Or maybe he'...

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Q: He is to pick me up at the airport. Last heard from him Dec.13th. To fly in to his town Dec.28th. I am worried he will not be there. I have left messages. No reply.

A: No reply in almost 10 days? Yeah, that's fishy. I'd be hesitant to make that trip. Even if he calls tonight or tomorrow,...

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Q: I need a blunt and truthful answer, and I know you will deliver beautifully. Why would an ex tell me he wanted me in his life and to contact him but then ignore me?

A: Because he was lying. Talk is cheap, and we avoid conflict by saying what we think others want to hear even when we know...

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Q: He said he loves me after only two days of dating. Does he really mean it?

A: Yes, of course he means it. After dating you for a whopping 48 hours this guy knows everything about you and loves you. ...

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Q: My friend finally broke up with this idiot guy, but now she's considering getting back together with him. How do I convince her that it's a stupid idea?

A: You don't. It's not your place to convince her. She's an adult and can make her own choices. Yes, you're a good friend t...

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Q: This guy uses me as a booty call, but i really like him, so whenever he calls I go meet him. Should I play hard to get and stop answering his calls? He always avoids my questions about a relationship.

A: Oh honey, you're way past hard to get. That ship sailed months ago. There's nothing wrong with getting horizontal for th...

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Q: How do you make a guy regret not getting with you when he had the chance?

A: You don't. You get over it and move on. Life is far too short to waste your time and emotional energy trying to prove to...

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Q: Do men like fake (big) boobs more than natural boobs?

A: Yes, some men do. Others don't. I'll never understand how anyone would prefer unnatural to natural just for the sake of ...

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Q: How do i get in a guys pants?

A: 1. Have a pulse. 2. Be between 21 and 70. 3. Say to him, "I want to get into your pants." Voilà! Happy hunting....

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Q: When a guy asks if you want to hang out, how are you supposed to know if he means as friends or if it's a date?

A: Dear Jessica85,If I were a Magic 8-Ball and you just shook me, the answer I'd show you is, "Cannot predict now." This is...

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Q: Is this a good present for my boyfriend: a box decorated with stuff he likes with 365 reasons why i love him in it? PLEASE i really need an answer!

A: Let's see. Your idea: 1) Is creative. 2) Takes a lot of thought. 3) Takes a lot of time. 4) Comes from the heart. That's...

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Q: What are you really thinking when she's on top?

A: 0:00 - "I love this view." 0:10 - "Holy crap, look at those sweet jubblies." 0:35 - "Oh yeah, that's it. Keep doing that...

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Q: I'm in college and want to be asked out on dates. Any advice for single gals?

A: Well, you're not alone, since probably 99.98% of undergrad women are single, and most of them want to be asked out on da...

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Q: How do you ask a boy out even though he has a girlfriend?

A: You don't. He's taken. What's the matter with you? Put down the crack pipe and listen up. Leave the guy alone. I'm all f...

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Q: From a guy's perspective, what style of jeans look best on most girls? ie boot cut, skinny jeans, etc

A: Child, please. Guys don't know that shit. Wear whatever you think looks good on you. We'll probably think so, too. If a ...

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Q: I'm 18. Can I be with a guy who's 64?

A: Sure. If he's your grandpa. Maybe he'll take you to the big dance Friday night at the VFW. You're joking, right? I know ...

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Q: Oh, most highly exalted, breathtakingly charming Wise-Ass, do you believe a woman's hair can be too long? If so, at what point?

A: Too long for what? Wait -- we are talking about hair on your head, right?This is an odd question -- that's not a put-dow...

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Q: What is a nice way to say no to a guy when he asks you out?

A: Great question. Let's start with some wrong ways. He says, "Would you like to go out with me?" Don't say: "Ew." "Why?" "...

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Q: How do i nicely tell my boyfriend that I am not ready to meet his family? We have only been dating for two months.

A: That does seem a little soon, although you have to be flattered that he wants to introduce you to them. But yes, I'm wit...

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Q: How do you ask out a senior girl if you are a freshman?

A: You walk up to her and say, "Hi, my name is ______. Would you like to go out with me some time?" Don't mention being a f...

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Q: Went out Tue with a great guy, went well, ended with sex. He said to text or call him and we would hang out again. I sent a text that night and said thank you for a good time and let me know when you want to hang out again. Haven't heard from him.

A: Oh man. Let's see: Strike 1: He asks you to call or text him to hang out again. Huh? A real man will call or text you if...

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Q: How do you deal with a boner in public?

A: I put a lampshade on mine and try to disguise it as furniture. If I'm at the beach, where boners can be frequent, I just...

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Q: My boyfriend wants to have anal sex, but I absolutely HATE it. We've tried it before and he knows I don't like it, but he still tries anyway and gets mad when I refuse. Is this weird? How do I make him stop trying?

A: Is it weird that you don't want to have anal sex? Nope. A lot of women don't like it in the pooper, and a lot of guys do...

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Q: How do I go about telling a guy I like him?

A: The best way to tell him? Don't tell him at all. Show him. Smile at him. Talk to him. Laugh at his jokes. Ask him out fo...

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Q: When a guy says, "We need to take a break from each other," what does that mean really?

A: Unless your guy is joining the Peace Corps and headed to Ghana for the next five years, it probably means one of two thi...

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Q: When you take a girl out to dinner, what do you find most attractive for her to order? Salad, nice and light? Steak, rich and meaty? Or something in the middle, like chicken, or whatever?

A: Hmm, I never really thought about it one way or another. I don't know many guys who would judge a date's appeal on how m...

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Q: How can I pick up women?

A: Great question, guy, because if you don't do it right, you're just asking for pain.Here's what you do: find the woman yo...

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Q: Is it a turn-off while making love if the woman sweats a lot?

A: What a hilarious question. Don't be offended -- it's a compliment.Okay, the sweat thing... I've never thought about it b...

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Q: I've been dating this guy for about two months. He said something strange the other day when we were talking about being exclusive. He said he's not into labels. What exactly does this mean?

A: He's not into labels. HA HA HA! Um, sorry to laugh, but his creativity is funny -- in a pathetic sort of way. We men com...

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Q: How do I know that my husband of 11 years (together 15 years) still thinks that I'm hot and beautiful? I feel like he's just going through the motions and only says nice things because he feels obligated.

A: How do you know he doesn't still think you are hot and beautiful? Let's take a step back and look at the evidence. He ma...

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Q: My boyfriend's mother is kind of a cold fish. I'd really like to get to know her better, but she's extremely intimidating and not very welcoming. Plus I think she still loves my guy's ex-fiancee. What can I do to get to her to like me?

A: Nothing. Nor should you.You can't make people like you. You can change your personality to fit what you think someone el...

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Q: Why does is seem like all men have a former girlfriend in the their lives as a "best friend"? I find this ridiculous. How can a guy have such a close friendship with someone he's been in a relationship with and not have romantic feelings for her?

A: They do? I have never heard of that. No guy I know wants to remain friends with his ex. Most breakups suck, and the last...

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Q: I absolutely HATE giving blowjobs. I feel like they are so humiliating and I am completely self-conscious when I try to do it. Is this a total deal breaker for a guy?

A: Can we please talk about this when I get home? Oh, sorry. Never mind. I thought you were someone else. Is not wanting to...

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Q: What's the difference between "hot" and "beautiful"?

A: "Hot" is the woman a guy wants to pork. "Beautiful" is the woman a guy wants to marry. If he's lucky, they are the same ...

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Q: You blogged about "11 Things That Will Turn A Guy Off In The Sack." How about the flip side? What are some surefire turn-ons?

A: Indeed I did -- twice (here and here).  Clearly I have an interest in the subject, so I'm glad you ask.I'll start w...

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Q: What is it with men not looking me in the eye when I'm talking to them? Really, what I'm asking here, Wise-Ass, is for you to explain men's seemingly primal fascination with breasts.

A: I wish I could, but you ask the impossible. There are as many theories about that as there are slang names for boobs, an...

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Q: I've been seeing this guy who says he really likes me, yet he seems never to be free. He's a student, so I know he's busy, but he takes days to call back and we only go out once a week. Wouldn't a guy make time for someone he really likes?

A: Yes, he would. He's obviously not that into you. Sorry to be blunt, but that's my job.Look, a guy will find a way to spe...

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Q: Do you care what type of car a woman drives? Would you approach a woman in a mini-van?

A: Who, me? Would I approach a woman in a mini-van? Like at a stop light or something? Probably not, unless I were cleaning...

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Q: My boyfriend doesn't dig phone sex. I suggest it, ask for it, and have tried to start it, but he's never interested. We only see each other twice a week. I need it. How can I help him find interest?

A: I tried phone sex once, but it was horrible. I got my schmekel stuck in the coin return flap.Thank you! I'm here all mon...

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Q: I've been on a few dates with a guy but I'm ready to move on. The problem is that we talked about how his mom died of cancer. It feels callous to ignore his calls after he shared something so personal. What is the best way to break it off?

A: Ouch. Sucks to be you right now. But you probably knew that already.Okay, look, you obviously have a heart and feel for ...

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Q: Not really interested in dating at the moment, as I have many things I want to focus on personally: money, career, etc. I think a break will bolster my chances of making a real connection in the future - or is a self-imposed hiatus a bad idea?

A: You're just saying this because I asked you out, right? It's okay -- I get that a lot. But don't think I'm giving up, be...

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Q: I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend on Facebook. This bothers my current boyfriend a lot and he's even threatened to break up with me if I don't de-friend my ex. Do you think this is a reasonable request? I think it means he doesn't trust me.

A: Before I answer your question, I'll ask you one: why are you friends with your ex on Facebook? What are you hoping to ge...

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Q: Why do guys tune us out - do we sound like the adults on the Charlie Brown cartoons? Sometimes there's real info in there!

A: Sorry, did you say something?Hey, you knew that one was coming.Yes, some guys tend to tune out their wives and girlfrien...

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Q: Do guys really prefer it all shaven off down there? What is too much/too little?

A: Ah, a woman's pubes: the endless debate. I was wondering when this question would come up. I considered blogging about i...

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Q: I've been married for years, but my husband believes that flatulent emissions should never be shared. I've practically jumped from a moving vehicle so as not to pass gas in front of him. Am I wrong to think this is crazy?

A: Interesting word choice there: shared. Like we all cook up farts just to entertain or punish the people around us. He do...

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Q: Are guys really okay with girls asking them out? Is that a turn-on or do you think a girl should wait for the guy to make the first move?

A: I think it's a turn-on. But then, I get turned on by bra ads in the newspaper, so take it for what it's worth. Ok, not r...

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Q: My husband has a close working relationship with a woman who is a known swinger. He gets text messages from her at night that I haven't questioned. His biz is his biz - but how can I find out without being accusatory?

A: How can you find out what? Why she's texting him? If he has something improper going on with her? Ask him. "Why is she t...

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Q: My stepsister, a college freshman, met a guy and they studied together once, but she's not interested. Now he won't leave her alone -- calls, shows up at her house, sends angry texts. She asked him to back off, but he hasn't. What should she do?

A: I think she should go out with the poor guy. Clearly he's just lonely and needs to get laid, so she should just take one...

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Q: Why are men such annoying babies when they get sick? Seriously, after 20 years together, I would gladly suffer a full-out case of H1N1 if it meant I could avoid putting up with my husband having the sniffles for a day or two.

A: I think there's a typo in your question, Tracie. You say "men" but I'm sure you meant to say "SOME men." Ok, lots of men...

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Q: What do you think is the best way for couples to share household duties? For example, are some tasks better suited to one gender or the other? Do you feel that there are any chores that, although a woman is capable of doing them, a man should do them?

A: Good question, Daisy. I'll skip the Wise-Assery on this one and give it to you straight: I don't believe that any househ...

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Q: My husband swears all the time. I'm concerned because our 3 year old yelled out our window last night, "That f**king guy is making too much f**king noise!" He said it was my fault for reacting. What should I do?

A: I hate to say it, but the kid was right: that f**king guy was making too much f**king noise. I could hear that motherf**...

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Q: What do guys do with their junk when they are riding a bicycle? Seems like the seat could be a problem for some guys...

A: Aw, aren't you sweet to be concerned for us? My disco stick thanks you. Yes, riding a bike can be uncomfortable for a gu...

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Q: My friend just got divorced and I have a problem because I grew to like her husband better than I like her. I don't want to have to break up with him as well. Am I within my rights to tell her I want to remain friends with her ex?

A: Sure, you're within your rights to tell her that. You're also within your rights to kneecap her with a baseball bat. But...

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Q: Could you help me explain to my tweens exactly what a "disco stick" is? I'm having trouble coming up with a plausible answer for them.

A: Well, first you have to tell me what a disco stick is, because I have no idea. Hang on a sec. Ok, I looked it up. There ...

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Q: if a guy really isn't "that into you," what are the best ways to tell?

A: Has he ever said, "I'm really not that into you"? That's one good way to tell. Has he ever said, "Ew," when you suggeste...

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Q: My brother's girlfriend wants him to wax the hair on his chest. I told him he shouldn't do it. What would you do if a girl you were seriously in love with asked you to go hairless?

A: How do you know she hasn't asked me already? I could be as smooth as a baby's bottom underneath these leather pants and ...

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Q: My brother's best friend just asked me out. My brother is pissed but I am psyched! Can you give me some advice on calming my brother down?

A: You know how on TV you'll hear the sound of a car slamming on brakes and crashing into a wall whenever someone says some...

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Q: How come guys have issues with girls that are perhaps smarter and funnier than they are? Is the male ego really that delicate? It's destroying my relationship and I just don't get it.

A: Easy there, Gloria Steinem. Let's not generalize, mmkay? Yes, the male ego can be delicate. Don't ask me why; it's just ...

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Q: My boyfriend loves to cook, but his food tastes terrible. Should I tell him?

A: Yes, you should tell him -- to go work for Applebee's. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Thanks, I'm here all week. Seriously, though, ...

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Q: How do I get my guy to prioritize spending time with me over sitting in front of the TV all day watching football every single Sunday?

A: Why would you want to? I know, you want to be the most important thing in his life. And you are, most likely. But you ar...

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Q: How do I tell my ex-boyfriend that I don't ever want (or need) to talk to him again? I am just done!

A: Thanks for the question. I can help, as I've been dumped a time or two myself. I know, I know, hard to believe, isn't it...

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Q: I'm pregnant &, although it wasn't planned, I couldn't be happier. My husband is still in shock & says he doesn't want to come to the baby shower... but it would mean a lot to me if he came. How do I make that clear?

A: Thanks for the question, Amy. I have an answer for you. In fact, it's easy: just remind your husband of the activity tha...

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