A: What you describe isn't a grooming issue, but, as you suspect, a nervous habit. It could be a simple absent-minded behav...
Wise-Ass
Nobody likes a Wise Ass, right? When the chips are down and you need advice, why bother asking an honest, objective stranger when you’ve got plenty of family and friends to coddle you and tell you exactly what you want to hear? Who needs the truth when all you really want is to feel better about yourself? A kick in the seat and a good laugh will ruin your little pity party. Besides, your mom and your unmarried 46-year-old friend with three cats and one ex-boyfriend from high school — they know far more about guys than, say, a guy himself, right?
Featured: Cary McNeal
Recent questions answered by the Wise-Ass:
A: I'm sorry, but your husband is full of it. Why would a porn site automatically sign him up for a sex-finder site? It doe...
A: Yes. Look, I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day, either. Most guys aren't, truth be told. We all know that the holiday ...
A: As well you should. Not only did he flirt with someone else, but he did it publicly for the whole world to see, includin...
A: I'm truly sorry for your loss. Only someone who has been there knows how brokenhearted you are feeling right now. If I w...
Q: If I hooked up with a guy off of craigslist does that make me pathetic?
A: It's only pathetic if you feel pathetic doing it. No one else's opinion really matters. I'm more concerned about the saf...
A: I can't tell you whether to stay or go. Only you can make that decision. I will tell you that I think the pros you menti...
A: Nah, not game over. You're right, it's a buddy/friend thing, but it's also an awkward flirty thing done by guys out of h...
A: Duct tape? I dunno. Google that shit....
A: Meh, why bother? He's not worth the effort. You think writing him will give you closure but it won't. If he reads it at ...
Q: How do I tell my guy friend that I have feelings for him but he has a girlfriend...?
A: You don't. He has a girlfriend. Your window of opportunity to speak up is gone. Another one might open up or it might no...
A: Two words for you: clean and breaks. Clean breaks, people. I've said it here time and time again, and your situation is ...
A: Yes, that's just how it is. It's called getting over someone, as in an ongoing process. It's not a light switch that you...
A: Ugh, mean girls. I hate mean girls. My daughter had some issues with mean girls last year at school, and I wanted to go ...
A: You're conveying to them that you're not just a hook-up when you refuse to jump into bed as quickly as they would like. ...
A: Only the person in love can answer that question. I think true love can conquer many obstacles, but it also depends on t...
A: You've already done it. You confessed and, I assume, apologized. There's nothing left to do but wait and see if he gets ...
A: No. He's your ex. You don't owe him an explanation. It's none of his business. It doesn't matter if or when or how he fi...
A: WTF? Is this a trick question? Yes, you should dump him. Like, now. Good god....
A: Bad idea. People do it, but it's still a bad idea. It's wrong, it's messy and it won't end well. She's not his ex. That'...
A: Rough patches are normal. In every relationship there are disagreements. A big part of building the relationship is lear...
A: Unless it's a crew cut or mohawk, most guys won't care. Hair is icing, not the cake. Your personality and overall appear...
A: I don't know. How long have you dated? What does she do that's crazy and controlling? Or could you be too sensitive to ...
A: He obviously didn't think he needed your approval. And he's right. I understand your desire to be consulted--sort of--bu...
Q: How do you get someone to change?
A: You can't. People don't change until they decide for themselves that they want or need to change, and even then it is ve...
A: I wish you had thought to ask someone this question twenty years ago before the damage was done. There's not a lot that ...
A: Wow. I love hearing things like this. You just made my week. Thanks very much for writing to say so. I'm glad I was able...
A: Not wanting to run into an ex for the first time after an ugly breakup doesn't make you a pussy. It makes you normal. No...
Q: If I use a sex toy without my boyfriend, is that cheating?
A: No. Your body is yours, not his. Everybody masturbates, including your boyfriend. Thanks for the question....
A: I think maybe you've been listening to too many Christmas songs about Santa. The gifts we give people should have nothi...
A: No, you're not wrong to feel insecure. It's an odd request. What's he going for, some kind of "Big Love" scenario? Few w...
A: I think he is ashamed of his body and projecting those feelings onto you and everyone else. Most guys would love it if o...
A: You just have to lay it out for him. That's the only way. It's like getting into a cold pool: doing it slowly and gentl...
A: Of course you are going to talk about your dad. He's a big part of your life. Nothing wrong with that. As a dad myself,...
A: Say, "I want to this for my health," and then do it if you want. Does it really matter if he supports it? To me this fa...
A: Sure, it's okay to be sad and disappointed. That doesn't mean he made the wrong decision, though. Blood is thicker than ...
A: God, what is it with all the whiny, pouty, butthurt men I keep hearing about in Guyspeak questions? Are guys really that...
A: Nope, it doesn't make you shallow. If your nose bothers you, you have every right to fix it. Who cares what others think...
A: If you guys are good friends, yes, you should say something. It's probably just a habit and he doesn't realize how much...
A: Listen to your cousin. Let it go. Hey, I get it. We get more angry when people hurt our loved ones than we do when peopl...
A: No, you don't have to bear it. You know how to stop it. The question is, are you willing to do it? It's too bad that the...
A: I don't know if he cheated, but you have the makings of a kick-ass country song right there. You should give it a shot. ...
Q: How does it taste when a guy sucks on your boob?
A: No idea. I don't let guys suck on my boob. Thanks for the question....
Q: My boyfriend likes to hold my hand during sex. Is that weird? What does it mean?
A: Is it weird? No, darling, it's called intimacy. That's kind of the point of sex. Well, one of them, anyway. Holding your...
A: No, you don't have to tell him anything, but I think you should. If the relationship isn't progressing the way you would...
A: No, I don't think you are reaching for the unreachable. There are plenty of vapid, superficial guys with cool shoes out ...
A: You don't need to get him a gift to say you're sorry. It's a nice thought, but not necessary, and a bit of overkill. Thi...
A: I don't know about unreasonable, but I think it's a waste of time. Unless you have an atypically good relationship with ...
A: I don't know, do you usually feel guilty when you upset your parents? I get it: you're in college and you want to drink....
A: Simple: stop making up the difference. When the rent comes due and you come up short, tell him that you've paid your hal...
A: Oh FFS, seriously? What are you, 10? Completely unacceptable. He's your boyfriend, not your dad and not your nutritionis...
A: Ah, she seeks a second opinion. Okay, I'll play. With all due respect to my colleague--we are an opinionated bunch, whic...
A: Good question, and, fortunately, similar to one I have answered here before. Read it here. Thanks...
A: He asks you out again. You had a good time and showed it. You were yourself. If your exuberance turned him off, then I d...
A: Overprotective dad. Sweet, but unnecessary. How can you convince him that it's okay to get it on? Show him the facts. Un...
A: Dating, girlfriend, what's the difference? Is it exclusivity that you're curious about? The only way to know that for su...
Q: Why are teenage boys such pussies about asking girls out?
A: Because they are teenage boys. Have you ever asked someone out on a date? It's harder than it sounds. You're putting you...
A: It's fine not to flaunt your breasts if that's what you prefer. There's something to be said for leaving things to the i...
A: Reasonable? Uh, no. Creepy and weird. But, ya know, if that's what my old mother needed to be happy, I might do it, too....
A: Well, I was exaggerating, of course. Men don't really think about sex all the time. We think about it a lot of the time,...
A: No, I don't think that's wrong. Consciously or not, we all approach relationships with our own particular needs and bias...
Q: Where and how can you meet cool women?
A: Try your local ice skating rink. Or the morgue....
Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: No. That only happens in the movies. I believe in attraction at first sight, but love--real love--only comes after you g...
A: You get over it by saying to yourself: "The guy wasn't into me. It happens. It doesn't make him a bad guy or me a loser,...
A: No, I don't think you're not naive to think that. It can happen. There are a zillion ways to meet people. Think about al...
A: At the risk of stating the obvious, your boyfriend has a drinking problem. His boozing is clearly the cause of all the o...
A: I don't consider it pressuring to ask him after a year of dating what his long-term plans might be. It's not like you're...
A: No, there's nothing ethically wrong with dating someone that much older than you. It's unorthodox, and some might say it...
A: Hang on, I'm making a note. (scribbling) "Guy... is... hot." No, wait (erasing, scribbling)... "Guy...is...really...hot....
A: We get questions like this all the time. "How can I politely tell my guy _________ without him getting annoyed/angry/fee...
A: I think it means you're normal. You imply that it has been less than a year ("months") since the breakup, so of course y...
A: This is where I remind you of Einstein's definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing over again and expecting ...
A: I don't get it, either. That's very odd. I can only guess that he's embarrassed, or just really doesn't like watching ot...
A: Yes, by all means, marry this guy, and enjoy your life of working full-time to pay the bills and coming home exhausted e...
A: I'm not really sure what there is to discuss. He doesn't want a relationship right now; what do you intend to do, try to...
A: Your concern is laudable, but I don't know that either of us has the right to say what a grown man should or should not ...
A: I'm not sure you can. Some people just aren't into oral sex. Like your boyfriend, they can't get past the idea of puttin...
A: Tough question. Perhaps they were just being polite, but then again, you two were friends for a long time before things ...
A: No, I do not concur at all. You read that in a book? What was the book, How To Date Like A Jackass? Games. Silly, tortur...
A: I'm all for self-fulfillment and independence, but I think you're being a little hard on yourself. It was the day after ...
A: Great set-up! Anyone who quotes Groucho Marx at the beginning of her question is bound to get noticed. Well done. If you...
A: When a guy says, "I don't want a relationship but I want to see where this goes," what he means is, "I want to date you ...
Q: Why do men leave you in suspense?
A: Ah, great question. I can think of two very good reasons. Thanks for the question....
A: By not having him around your kids? By not having him around at all? Seriously, what kind of nitwit is foolish enough to...
A: I don't think so; I think he's a fault-finder. It's a personality disorder where someone constantly judges your behavior...
A: I don't know. It depends on what kind of thing feels wrong. You don't like the way he eats his pasta, or you think he is...
A: I think you already know the answer. The problem you describe is one that 99% of people reading this question have had a...
A: "He said sex was about conquering, not love." Ah, a true romantic. And you married this schlub? Clearly you two need to ...
A: Not cool. Does it mean anything? Yes--it means he is abusive and inconsiderate. What is he, a pimp? Who the heck just ha...
Q: When should I tell a guy I'm seeing that I have a child?
A: Immediately. Why wouldn't you? Your child is part of who you are. Tell him right upfront, and proudly. Your kid is part ...
A: I don't think that's a good idea. It's not weird or creepy as much as it is unfair to him. You broke up with the guy. Yo...
Q: What should I expect of our "first time" if my boyfriend is a virgin and I'm not?
A: About 20 seconds. Thirty if you're lucky. First-time sex is notoriously awful. It usually improves with practice, though...
A: I doubt there is anything to fix. Unless you have a truly annoying personality flaw--and I think you would know if you d...
A: Hard to say, as I don't know the guy, but I would certainly be wary. The biggest red flag for me is that he brought up t...
A: This one's tricky--my Devoted Husband side and my "Lighten Up!" side are duking it out to provide a proper answer. My De...
Q: It's not fair that the same question gets answered multiple times..and stupid questions at that!
A: I agree. It's not fair. We try to avoid it but aren't always successful. Sorry about that. Thanks for the feedback....
A: This question came up a couple of years ago, and I remember being surprised that it was a polarizing topic among comment...
A: Don't waste your time. He dumped you without the courtesy of an explanation, and you haven't heard a peep from him in mo...
A: What he did was wrong, obviously. I can't tell you what to do, but here are some things to think about. One, we all scre...
A: It doesn't mean anything. He's sleeping. He could be dreaming of his boyhood dog or a plate of hot wings. Thanks for the...
A: Thank you. Should you walk from what, your family? Ha. Good luck with that. They're a little hard to shake. It's like th...
A: Some do. Some don't. Some never had any to begin with, despite asking for them over and over again, even begging. If it'...
A: No, YOU were perfectly happy. He was not, obviously, or you would still be together. The career thing was just an excuse...
A: Barbaric? Seriously? They sound delightful. I can see why you want to marry into the family. Ugh. You don't want a bad r...
A: First things first: you say you "likely" can't have kids. Fertility medicine is a cutting-edge field and constantly evol...
A: He's still not ready for what? A commitment? To let her go? You say you can tell he has feelings for her, but that's jus...
A: Bad idea. Really bad. Lucky for you, this question has been answered here before, and more than once. Check 'em out: htt...
A: The right time to tell him is whenever you feel like telling him. Within reason, that is. Look, good for you for not wan...
A: Seriously? I don't mean to be rude, but if this is your biggest complaint about your sex life, you're doing pretty well....
A: Wha-- huh? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Is such a thing even possible? I've never seen or heard of ...
Q: What do I do if I like someone but still have feelings for my ex?
A: If you're asking me whether or not you should date someone new, it depends on what kind of feelings you still have for y...
A: No, a teacher's salary is not sexy, and that's an absolute crime. But you're not here for my views on social injustice, ...
A: I'm not sure that's the right approach for a first date. It's a date, not a job interview--if you show up with a list of...
A: Because it's easier to lie to your face and avoid an awkward situation than to tell you the truth. We all do it, don't w...
A: WHAT?! You're not perfect?! I'm so disappointed. Yeah, you screwed up. Yes, it sucks. But it's not the end of the world....
A: That depends. When did he call, before or after he was two hours late? And why was he two hours late--did he wreck his c...
A: Uh oh. Busted. Yes, you nailed it, we're all frightened to death to talk about "mama's boys." Sex, death, cheating, rape...
A: I agree with you. The marital bed is important, and you both should be sleeping in it. Call me old-fashioned. It's not e...
A: I think he's hilarious. And completely full of it. Unless he's tossing 100s up on stage all night, there's no way in hel...
Q: Do guys care if one of my breasts is bigger than the other?
A: No. Hopefully you already know that this is normal; no pair of breasts is perfectly symmetrical. Most guys won't notice ...
A: I feel for you, honey. I really do. Unrequited love hurts like few other things in life, probably because there is absol...
A: I guess I don't think that four days is all that long, especially if this is one of your first dates with the guy. You c...
A: I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble. To be perfectly honest, my take is "I don't know," because I've never be...
A: What? Men don't know from red lipstick. I'm not sure where you're getting your info, but I would believe the chick mags ...
Q: How can I tell when a guy is horny?
A: He is breathing. Thanks for the question....
A: Good for you. You recognize and admit your problem, and you want to do something about it. As simple as this might seem,...
A: Silly man. He doesn't know how good he has it. What a waste. I gotta ask: has it always been this way, or is this a rece...
A: Well aren't you a sweetheart? Thank you. The gods of Guyspeak assure me that your question will be truly anonymous. We d...
A: First question: do you have to attend these events? Seeing this guy all the time just fans the flames of anger. It would...
Q: When we're fooling around in bed, why do guys always ask if I like their dick?
A: They ask because many men are insecure about their equipment, particularly guys who worry that they don't measure up. Th...
A: It's normal. Within reason, that is. We don't stop being human when we enter into serious, committed relationships. Of c...
Q: When do you know a relationship is over?
A: If the little voice in your head is whispering that it's over, it's over. If your gut agrees, it's over. If you have to ...
A: Why did it kill your confidence? You said yourself he was kind of douchey, so why blame yourself for not hitting it off ...
A: You say, "What up, cracker? My name is Stephanie. How about this train, huh?" Then offer him a section of your Wall Stre...
A: That depends. Is this the first time he has called you a name, or is this habitual behavior? Fights are a normal part of...
Q: How do you turn down a guy nicely? Without making it awkward?
A: You say, "I'm very flattered, but unfortunately I'm not available. Thank you for asking, though." It's nice and it's not...
A: Yes, you are being irrational. Look, I know you're pissed about the verdict--so am I, so are about a zillion other peopl...
A: How about, "So long, cheapskate"? Or "No, thanks" whenever he asks you to do something. It doesn't matter who makes more...
A: Seriously? That's disgusting, though probably more common than we'd like to think. Still... gross. There's no way to dis...
A: This site was started by WeTV, not the guys who answer questions here. We are hired guns. I have no idea what it cost to...
A: GTFO. This is a perfect example of why I think clean breaks are necessary when a romantic relationship ends. The people ...
A: That statement is ripe, peaty, freshly squeezed horse shit. That's my opinion. Of course women can be as funny as men. J...
A: If your guy wants a break, give him a break. That means no contact--no calling, no texting, nothing, at least not initia...
Q: what should u do if you have an asswhole as a boyfriend
A: It could be worse. He could be an asshalf. At least he's fully committed to the job. Nobody likes a half-assed hole. Tha...
A: Yeah, as responses go, that one's certainly underwhelming, so, yes, you could have misinterpreted the good time, or he c...
A: He was calm because he shat himself and was desperately trying to remember if there was a restroom nearby. When you told...
A: You've put up with this for two years? Wow. You win the patience award. Yes, I think you are wasting your time. That is ...
A: Hiding from a gang. That's a new one. It's like a lite version of the Witness Protection Program excuse. Sorry, honey, I...
Q: How can i get my boyfriend to pay more attention to me?
A: Break up with him....
A: Just tell him the truth. That's almost always the best approach. The alternative is a phony excuse, and there's no need ...
A: He can insist all he wants--it's not his child, it's yours! He has no right to insist on anything having to do with your...
A: I can't answer that. The choice depends on many things, and only you can decide if it's worth it in the end. I'll tell y...
Q: Are you a butt guy or a boob guy?
A: Yes and yes. I like all of it. Do I really have to pick one? It's not about the parts, you know, but the whole woman--he...
Q: Do you believe in horoscopes/astrology?
A: Only if it's good news. When it's bad news, it's BS. Kidding. I don't believe in horoscopes/astrology. I believe in rock...
A: He won't take no for an answer and he's threatened to sodomize you if you don't let him do it. Dump him. I don't care if...
A: I'm happy to help you. Please check out past answers, as this question has been addressed numerous times by all of us. I...
A: You definitely do NOT want to wait until the heat of the moment. For one, I don't think it's fair to either of you to le...
A: Okay, let's review. You dated him for just a few months. You haven't spoken to him in months. You knew he was leaving bu...
Q: A guy told me he had always had a place for me I don't understand what it means.
A: Was he pointing at his crotch when he said it? If not, I'm not sure what he means. You should ask him. A place where? In...
A: I believe that people who consistently mistreat others will get a taste of their own medicine sooner or later. Whether t...
A: Thank you. I don't know why he didn't call you. There are any number of possible reasons. Maybe he lost your number. May...
A: He is not in love with you; that's what is missing. All those things he says about how much he enjoys spending time with...
A: Do women shave their arms? I'm not sure I've ever heard of that. Maybe they do and I'm out of the loop. To me it sounds ...
A: What a nice note--thanks very much. I'm glad you have found the site, and I'm glad to hear that it is helping you. We ap...
A: No, there's nothing wrong with wanting a lot of sex. Everyone's sex drive is different. Some are happy with once a week,...
A: First things first: kudos on your desire to do what's right, even though it's the hard choice. By doing so you are putti...
A: In your guy's case, the wheels started to wobble with the first text and flew off completely with the second one, causin...
A: No. It means you need your space like anyone else. You two hit the ground running and it doesn't sound like you've come ...
A: Well, for starters, it is your business because she is your mother and you are worried about her happiness. Obviously yo...
Q: What do guys think of fake nails (acrylic, gel, etc.)?
A: We don't. Wear them however you like. We don't care about that bullshit. Thanks for the question....
A: Blocked him from what? Your Facebook page? E-mail? All contact? It doesn't really matter--however you did it, yes, you a...
A: I can't really say, because I don't know the guy or why he might be acting that way. Sure, it could mean that he has los...
A: You can, but I wouldn't recommend it. In fact, I would strongly recommend against it. Your concern is admirable, but thi...
A: I'm not aware of any hard and fast rules, and I agree with you--I think buying her dad a gift after all this time is unn...
A: You know, I've been camping with women many times--I spent a summer in Yellowstone Park and we camped all the time--and ...
A: You can't, and why bother? Does it really matter if they like each other? They will probably never get along because I s...
A: Absolutely. Why shouldn't she? This is 2011, not 1957. Women are liberated: they have power, more opportunities, careers...
A: You don't. You are being yourself; why should you have to change who you are just to make sure a guy doesn't get confuse...
A: Yes, unless they have no arms. But those guys probably figure out a way to do it with their feet. Thanks for the questio...
A: This is a very good question that I cannot answer. I will say that I suspect this is a common problem, and I suppose I c...
A: I don't know why he texted you. Maybe he thought he liked you and changed his mind. Maybe it was a wrong number. It's a ...
A: I can't say, because I think flirting is a subjective call. Some people would consider "attentive and complimentary" to ...
A: Four months and no kiss? That's not normal. I would love to explain but I'm not sure I can. I know some people like to t...
A: Sure, why not? If you got 'em, put 'em front and center and let 'em say, "Howdy, y'all!" And if you don't got 'em, you c...
A: Hard to say. Time definitely heals some wounds, but words and actions done in anger tend to be remembered long after the...
A: Absolutely. It happens all the time. The wrong time in his life, the wrong time in your life, or both. And for any numbe...
Q: Today, Friday 13th, is my 21st birthday. I'm so happy :)
A: Welcome to adulthood. Reviews are mixed. CM...
A: Can you blame her? Shower sex is fun. Some people also think it's more private since the sound of their dirty business i...
A: Sorry, I'm with your friends. I'm sure you're a nice gal, but I wouldn't eat out with you, either. Regardless of your cu...
A: Yes, that behavior is definitely inappropriate and I don't blame you for wanting to stop it. Unfortunately, no matter ho...
A: That act alone probably means nothing, but context is important here. For one, it depends on the type of comments he's l...
A: No! Your concern for your friend is admirable, but her love life is not your business. You've told her what you think of...
Q: Do you like a finger in your ass?
A: Is that you, Dr. Stephens? Has it been a year already?...
A: It's very simple. I'm assuming you are over 18, which makes you an adult. That means that no one can tell you how to liv...
A: Whether or not your relationship can be saved depends on what is most important to you in a relationship. We know that n...
A: Ugh. You shouldn't have to. You're with him, aren't you? That's the strongest statement of all; why is it never enough? ...
A: Attached? Yeah. All the time, sounds like. Oh, that's not what you meant? Oops. You meant emotional attachment. Hard to ...
A: Okay, big time truth coming right up. Yes, there is something wrong with wanting to date him. A couple of things, actual...
A: Getting a tattoo is like any other form of personal expression you might choose, whether it's the way you dress, the mus...
A: Is that the title of a country song? I'm just wondering about the caps. If so, I like it, though you might think about s...
Q: He has a girlfriend yet he shows signs that he likes me. I like him too, what should I do?
A: Is this a trick question? What should you do? Nothing. Leave him alone; he has a girlfriend. If you pet someone else's d...
Q: "I wanna be with you, just not right now" means what?
A: "I don't wanna be with you, but I'm too chicken to admit it. If I wanted to be with you, I would be with you right now."...
A: Yes. That strikes me as a red flag. The obvious problem is that you have to wonder why a guy his age has had so few roma...
A: Why should they clean when they know you'll do it for them? They don't care if the place is dirty and they know you do, ...
A: What can you do? You can tell him to get over it. As you point out, he knew what you were like before you got together; ...
A: I don't know, but don't assume it means he's not serious about you. Four months is not a long time. If you had been dati...
Q: I'm almost 24…does sleeping with X amount of guys make me a skank?
A: Depends on who you ask. Someone who has slept with three times as many guys as you might say you're practically a virgin...
A: Before you get too excited, are you sure you believe your co-workers? Are they speculating? Pulling your leg? Exaggerati...
Q: What does it mean when a guy (co-worker) ask you to lunch and pays?
A: It means he was hungry, had a few extra bucks in his pocket, and didn't want to eat alone. Beyond that, assume nothing. ...
A: Your roommate is really the one who should tell him to knock it off; he's her boyfriend. This is a problem she should be...
A: Everybody's different when it comes to PDA. He's probably just shy. If you are worried that it's a sign that he's not in...
A: Aww, honey... I'm sorry you feel that way. If I were there I'd give you a big ol' bear hug and tell you things will be f...
Q: What is the best way to subtly show a guy you're interested?
A: Pinch his ass, give him a wink and make that "chik chik" sound that people do with horses. Oh, wait. You said subtly. Ne...
Q: What is the deal with men and strippers?
A: It's very simple. Men like naked women. Strippers get naked. Ergo, men like strippers. Or, should I say, men like seeing...
A: The answer isn't a bad one, but similar to what I wrote about stretch marks a couple of years ago. Yes, there will be so...
A: Let's run your question through the Wise-Ass Translator O' Truth (patent pending) and see what we get: My bf broke it of...
A: Yes, I'm sure it is starting to affect you. He is putting a tremendous burden on you with these phone calls and suicide ...
Q: When a man truly loves a woman, can anything keep him from her?
A: Well, yeah. Distance. Time. Incarceration. Her husband. Her lack of reciprocal feelings for him. Fear. Illness. Mental i...
A: You have to move out. It's the only solution. He's not going anywhere and you'll be miserable. You could give her an ult...
A: Sorry to hear that. Lots of that going around and it sucks. I read an article once that compared a man's feelings after ...
A: No way, not weird at all, and I'm sure he won't be the least bit upset when he finds out you're blowing him off after mo...
A: Nope. It happened after you two were broken up. Even though it's his best friend, it's still none of your ex's business....
A: I think it is risky, but you already know this or you wouldn't have asked the question. How big a risk it is depends on ...
A: There's nothing wrong with you. Every woman is different. Some like nipple play, some don't. Some love getting oral sex,...
A: He might have the hots for you, he might not. There's something to be said for hunches, so if you suspect he likes you a...
Q: My partner is 58 years old and he looks like his penis is getting smaller?
A: Are you asking me? I've never seen it, so I wouldn't know. Even if I saw it--and I'd rather not, thanks--I wouldn't have...
Q: What action do you recommend for a high school couple going to two different colleges?
A: Ugh. I've been there. It sucks. You want my honest answer? Break up now and get it over with, because it's only a matter...
A: Great question. Yes, counseling really helps, at least in my experience. I've sought counseling during two very difficul...
A: If your description of her is accurate, then she definitely has a drinking problem. Most of the behaviors you mention a...
A: Your question could have been written by a million other women on this planet, sadly. It's a common situation, and there...
A: Did you make a mistake? No. And yes. More no than yes. Like 90/10. To demand something might not have been the best appr...
A: Nobody knows when the world will end. Not the Mayans, not Nostradamus, not the Psychic Friends Network. It could end in ...
A: Yes, it is possible that he was just seeing if you still wanted him or was just flirting with you, but I don't think tha...
A: You can say, "What the hell is wrong with you? Do you really think that humiliating your son to me will make him stop do...
A: Of course you can try to make him feel better, but I wouldn't bring it up unless he does first. When he does, the best t...
A: I don't know. Hey, I gotta take the easy ones. But seriously--I don't know. Maybe he's not much of a talker. Maybe he do...
A: No, you are being wise. We've had a lot of discussion here lately about staying friends with an ex; I know it can work, ...
A: Ah, yes--the Bickersons. There's one in every group. You're right, they totally ruin the mood and put everyone on edge w...
A: He loves you after three dates?! No. WTH? Of course you didn't say it back, nor should you. It's a ridiculous statement ...
A: Yes, absolutely. She will need your friendship. I'm a big fan of forgiveness; it is almost always the right response. Th...
A: Oops. I can see why he is angry. It's not so much what the lie is about, but how long you kept it from him. Two years is...
A: You ask him to replace it. He broke it, so he needs to replace it, whether he meant to or not. Lack of intent doesn't ma...
A: Sounds like cold feet to me. I don't mean the kind where you don't show up at your own wedding. There are different leve...
A: I guess that's just how you roll! Get it? Hello? ::: tap tap tap::: Is this thing on? Um... I really don't know why that...
A: Oh, honey, no. No, no, no. It will be different all right, and not in a good way. Marrying this guy anytime soon is a te...
A: I'm happy to help, but I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. What do you do to show appreciation to him that he ...
A: I see two problems here. Let's start with your boyfriend. He is wrong to try to pressure you to have sex in the light wh...
A: What do you mean, he can't stand that you have a past? Everyone except newborn babies has a past, and even they have 37-...
A: Oh FFS! Your boyfriend is a pig, period, and doesn't sound sweet and loving at all. All I see is a controlling, disappro...
A: You shouldn't be concerned at all. Plenty of people go that long and longer without dates. I think your perception is th...
A: Hell yes, you have an obligation to be on your best behavior. As a good friend of mine likes to say, "There is no excuse...
A: No, it's not a horrible girlfriend quality, and you don't have to make up for it. Maybe you've heard: this is 2011, not ...
A: Say, "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but have you LOST YOUR F**KING MIND?! There is no way in HELL I am having six ...
A: Okay, I won't make fun, although I hope you realize how difficult that will be. On the other hand, it's a valid question...
A: Two words: f**k and buddy. I think he wants you to sleep with him, hopefully more than once, and hopefully on a regular ...
A: Depends on the individual guy. Yes, I'm sure there are some guys who will watch what a woman eats and silently judge her...
A: Yes. No gifts in two years? Strike one. Wonderfile? Strike two. Late for a date (not ordinarily a deal-breaker but after...
A: Yes, it is all right. Better than all right, in fact. Affection is a beautiful thing. You are in love and you want to ex...
A: I wish I could answer that. But if I could, I'd probably be lounging on a palm-lined beach on one of my private islands,...
A: I think he was being nice and you mistook it for flirting. Or maybe he was flirting a little with no intent and you thou...
A: A wha--? A box of potatoes? One sec, please. ... ... ... ... Okay, I'm done laughing now. Sorry. A box of potatoes? Like...
Q: Do you know of any good books for women who have been emotionally abused?
A: I'm afraid not, not off the top of my head. I could Google it or check Amazon reviews, but I would rather ask our reader...
A: Ya know, that's a good question. Are you sure he got the memo that you were breaking up with him? You didn't send the ne...
A: I can't say, because I don't know if your fear is rational or irrational. Is your guy seriously ill? Is he in the milita...
A: Oh yeah, fishy. Big time. You're dating for five years and still not his FB friend? That's very odd. Most guys with girl...
A: I think if you spend enough time with him, his motives will become apparent. That's why taking it slowly before hopping ...
A: That's a seriously judgmental statement from someone who is: 1) a guy; 2) probably under 25; 3) probably has no kids. He...
Q: you have a boner all the time
A: Oh, man. You weren't supposed to notice that. What can I say--I really like writing for Guyspeak. Speaking of boners, yo...
A: Sure, why not? I doubt he would think that's creepy. I wouldn't if I were in his shoes. It's not like you're proposing t...
A: That's disgusting. And not normal. Does he not shower every day? Does he shower and not clean his junk? The opposite is ...
A: I've never seen the list of relationship rules for gay people, but I'm willing to bet that they don't include having you...
A: You ask yourself three questions: 1) Why do they hate me, and is there is anything I can do about it? Have I offended th...
A: I can certainly understand your husband's feelings. He's been there for the boy for years while Bio-dad has been off doi...
A: What is it that you think he wants from you, if not a relationship? Sex? A FWB scenario? Or just very casual dating? Her...
A: I wish I knew, friend. If I did, I'd be sitting atop a mountain somewhere in the Himalayas, not answering questions on G...
A: Absolutely. What a tool. It's not just the rude comment that's a problem, but the fact that he would ever think that ins...
A: I suppose you're being a jealous bitch, but who wouldn't be? It's a normal reaction to a tough situation. That doesn't m...
Q: I actually crave the taste of semen, am I normal?
A: Only if you are Rod Stewart....
A: I'm confused. You knew he wasn't a virgin when you started dating him, didn't you? Obviously it wasn't a big deal then, ...
A: Of course you can. But don't. You asked him out and told him when you are available. Your work is done. The ball is in h...
A: Be bitchy. If all of the "flirting" is anything like this example, forget "kinda jokingly" telling them to stop. You nee...
Q: My ex-boyfriend ask his old love letters back. Why would he do that?
A: I can think of several reasons. If the breakup was ugly, it could be a parting shot, a final way to get back at you befo...
A: You're overanalyzing. Guys like boobs. You say a "majority of guys"; I assumed all guys do that. It's a key part of the ...
A: I would be relieved. Why aren't you? Were you bluffing? Did you want her to be heartbroken and fall apart? Are you offen...
A: I don't know. It depends on how you approach him with your complaints. If you confront him with anger and accusations, h...
A: "He has never taken me out." Are you saying you never go out, or just that he never offers to pay when you do? If you tw...
A: Yikes. I'm not sure you can--or should. I'm a big fan of forgiveness, but what he did borders on unpardonable. The fact ...
A: Problem. First question: why didn't he take you to the party? I've never been to a work Christmas party where you weren'...
A: Ha, welcome to marriage! Or talk of marriage, at least. Marriage is all about compromise, and this is your first test. W...
A: He's your partner but not your boyfriend? So that makes him what, your husband/long-term partner or a(n) FWB? Not that t...
Q: Who started this site? How is it that you got this position as the Wise Ass?
A: Benjamin Franklin. Because I am awesome, that's how. Duh....
A: Yeah, that's annoying and somewhat pathetic. He's doing it because he's afraid of being hurt by you, too. Consciously or...
A: I wouldn't. You love him as a friend, but not romantically. You can't force that feeling if it's not there, and you shou...
A: Ask him who he likes best: Vin Diesel, Mr. T, or Zach Galafianakis. Nah, just kidding. You know what? Don't ask him. Jus...
A: Heck, no, we never get too old to play with Cap'n Happy. Wouldn't you play with it if you had one? It's an amazing toy--...
Q: What does it mean when a 13-year-old girl tells you that she will marry you someday?
A: It means you just bought her tickets to the Justin Bieber concert....
A: I don't want to say it's okay, because "okay" implies that you can just let it continue. It is normal, though. People do...
A: Why? Because he's mentally unbalanced, or at least sounds it. And a total buzzkill. Way to ruin the weekend, asshole. As...
A: Yeah, that's a tough situation. You are wise to tread cautiously. Truth is, no matter what you get him, she won't like i...
A: Wow, that's a long phone call. I hope you're using a headset. My ear gets sore after an hour on the phone, much less thr...
A: Three words for you: 1) No. 2) More. 3) Poontang. If he doesn't think you are serious about showering off his nightly st...
A: Who's everybody? I'm not expecting a gift, so scratch me off your list. I don't think Nick is, either. Mystery Man might...
A: I can think of three reasons he won't reply to your texts: 1) He's embarrassed about what happened. 2) He's afraid you t...
A: No. Give him a card and write in it, "I will get you a Christmas gift but I am waiting for a more romantic moment." Like...
A: No. You don't expect him to take down his profile after one good date, do you? Why would he? It's a little too soon to d...
A: No, I don't think it's okay to combine gifts, even if it means you can give a larger or more expensive gift. The problem...
Q: How do I know if my boyfriend wants anal?
A: If you're having sex and you feel something poking at your back door, that's a pretty good sign....
Q: My boyfriend said he wants to marry me. So why hasn't he proposed yet?!?!
A: Because he's not ready yet, obviously. He said he wants to marry you; he didn't say he wants to marry you immediately. T...
Q: How soon is too soon for a birthday gift?
A: I think a birthday gift is always a nice gesture, regardless of how long you've been dating. You are friends at the very...
A: Lock yourself in a tower and throw away the key so that you will never again be tempted to look at another man? I'm not ...
Q: Are all of the guys on Guyspeak in relationships?
A: No. I think Michael Swaim and Mystery Man went on a couple of dates with each other, but I wouldn't really call that a r...
A: Uhhhhh. Wow. Let me process that for a second. A bologna sandwich? Interesting. And how would he know what it's like to ...
A: Absolutely girlfriend material. The kind of girl you can't wait to take home to meet your mom, then your mom ends up lik...
A: Huh? You're not ready but you know it's going to happen? What the heck does that mean? Are we talking about marriage her...
A: Wait. You're pregnant, getting married, working, and going to school, and you're asking how you can make him happier? Ho...
A: Is it ever casual? That depends on who you ask. One man's casual is another man's "I'm gonna marry this woman." "Casual"...
A: Instead of telling her she's been acting like a bitch, talk to her and find out why she's been acting like a bitch. That...
Q: What is the best natural product for sexual enhancement for older men?
A: I wouldn't know. Ask your dad....
A: Hmm... I don't know. I'd hate to spend Thanksgiving with a sore ass. Tell you what, take me out for drinks after the hol...
A: Possible? Yes. Probable? No. I'm not saying people don't change. I'm saying people don't change easily. If they do, it t...
A: You should let it go. You did nothing wrong. I don't really understand why you feel so guilty. The guy dumped you and to...
A: Yes. No. I say what I believe. If woman like it, great. If woman no like it, oh well. Can't win 'em all....
A: Yes, exactly. Maybe even more annoying. Well done. I would write more, but I can't stop laughing....
A: I get this question a lot, or similar ones about how to ask or tell a guy something in a certain way without sounding an...
A: I agree. That's just bizarre. Who is this nervous little man you're dating, Woody Allen? I'm assuming you don't make a h...
A: Because it still bothers him, and that's what worries you. Of course he's going to talk to you about her; you're his gir...
A: Ah, okay. I thought maybe you'd taken a pie to the face. What a lovely and enlightening story. Thanks for sharing....
A: Foe. And a hilariously bad liar. He was just asking if you swing because he doesn't. Uh huh. Sure he was. I imagine him ...
A: Yes. I have no idea what it means, but chances are it means absolutely nothing. Some dreams are just random. If it had a...
A: Tough situation--but not uncommon. That doesn't make it any easier for you, of course. The relationship between your dau...
Q: how do I get my smart-ass son to stop being stupid?
A: Very funny, Dad. I thought I told you not to come here....
A: Well, since letters are your only option, I'd say there's your answer. But you're in luck: letters are wonderful things....
A: Tell him what? That you don't like his girlfriend, or that you don't think she belongs at family functions? Or both? How...
A: I think it's a little too soon to panic. A month and a half isn't very long, and it can take a while to learn what a new...
A: Sure, in theory. But haven't you ever promised yourself or someone else that you would stop doing something but kept doi...
A: I think you're still drunk. I have no f**king idea what you just said....
A: Ever heard the term "borrowing trouble"? It means worrying about things that haven't happened and might never happen, wh...
Q: What does a man think if a woman sleeps with him on the first date?
A: He thinks he wants a second date....
A: "Why should I bear the responsibility for your mistakes?" Nice. And you sleep with this guy? First of all, he's not bear...
Q: What does it mean if a guy keeps your underwear?
A: If a guy keeps my underwear, it means he's about to get his ass kicked. Don't be stealing my drawers, bitch--that shit's...
A: I'm not sure, but that is abnormal. I won't call it ridiculous because it is real to you, but it's definitely unusual an...
A: Interesting question. How you carry yourself, or the level of confidence you exude, is much more important than whatever...
A: Your friends are dead wrong. Don't take him back. He didn't cheat on you once. He cheated on you numerous times. And if ...
A: Simple: ask her if she wants to stay married or get divorced. And ask yourself the same question. What else is there? Yo...
Q: What can I do to get over him? Why is this so damn hard, it should be simple.
A: It should be simple? Says who? Love is never simple. Relationships are complicated. You're being too hard on yourself. A...
Q: My husband is a wise ass, how do I deal with him!?!
A: Give him sex. Lots and lots of sex....
A: I don't know how long is too long, but it's definitely longer than two weeks. Your boyfriend has experienced one of the ...
A: Your heart aches when she has a simple cold. Dude. Are you shittin' me? Please tell me you're shittin' me. You aren't, a...
A: Addict is right, because your behavior reminds of people with alcohol and drug problems. They want to quit, they know th...
A: I have no idea why he doesn't want you to work. Have you asked him? I can think of several possible reasons he might hav...
A: You've made a tough decision for the situation you're in and I applaud you for sticking by your guns, whatever your reas...
Q: Have you and the other writers of Guyspeak ever met in person or is this strictly virtual?
A: We are virtual in the most basic sense of the word: we don't even exist, but are a manifestation of mass hypnosis of Guy...
A: Congrats on your weight loss. That is an incredible accomplishment. I know from experience that losing weight is a lot h...
Q: Should someone stay in a sexless marriage? If so, for how long?
A: That's a tough question, and one I can't completely answer. It's not my place to tell someone to end her marriage -- onl...
A: Oops. I hate it when that happens. But it happens to all of us. Just to make sure I follow you correctly, you guys were ...
A: I doubt it. Basically he's saying that his feelings are more important than your future, and that is completely selfish....
A: No, it's an "I'm a selfish, ill-bred f**kbag who needs his ass kicked" comment. Seriously. Who talks to other people lik...
A: You should get him to a therapist. There's a good chance he is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), whi...
A: No. Yes. Yes, unless you're under 20, in which case I think it's probably normal....
A: There are three ways to solve this problem: 1) you can give in and sleep with him; 2) he can accept a sex-free relations...
Q: how do i know if my bf is totally into me?
A: You can feel his balls on your perineum (taint)....
A: My wife has two, actually, and no, I never get tired of ogling either of them. But then, I have a pubescent boy's fascin...
A: You should ask him out. Life is short. I'm not sure what his having a lot of female friends has to do with anything. If ...
A: Gee, I don't know. Is it pointless to visit Rome if you don't intend to move there? Is it pointless to see a movie if yo...
A: Nah, you seem to be doing it fine without my help....
Q: what does it mean if you are told you are the perfect heigth
A: It means you are talking to someone with a cleft palate....
A: No, it's not wrong. But I don't think that's what everyone is saying. When people tell you to make the most of your coll...
A: No, you aren't being oversensitive. He's being inappropriate. While it's nice that he considers you a skilled fellatrix,...
A: Wow, that's a new one -- Mom needs to move in with the kid. It's usually the other way around, but these are the economi...
A: I think there are two steps to getting over any kind of loss, whether it's a romantic relationship, a friendship, a deat...
A: What gives? You, that's what. You gives him chance after chance after chance, and he gives you the finger time and time ...
A: There are no stupid questions. Only stupid comments. Well, okay, there are stupid questions, too. But yours isn't one of...
A: Is it reasonable to want to know why he never called back? Sure. Is it reasonable to want to ask him? Yes. Should you do...
A: No, passing out during a blow job is not normal. Blame it on the booze. A guy will stay awake even during bad oral, if f...
A: Great. I'll alert the press....
A: Wow, what a douche move from a so-called friend. Yes, you should absolutely tell your boyfriend. He needs to know that t...
Q: should i confront my husband about catching him masterbating he dont know that i see him do it
A: He dont? What in tarnation?!!! No, you shouldn't confront him. What are you gonna do, yell at him and tell him to stop? ...
A: Why wouldn't he? I think it's a nice gesture. Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean a person stops caring about ...
A: You can tell by asking yourself if there is any reason for him to fake it. Yes, guys will sometimes feign affection just...
A: I think, "There's a pretty girl. I wonder what she looks like naked." I don't really think about world religions when I'...
A: Why? If the guy is shy and not comfortable with a lot of public affection, why push him to do something he doesn't want ...
A: For starters, stop agreeing to go out with him if you don't like the guy. Your intentions might be honorable, but you're...
Q: I live in Alaska and do not live in an igloo. Alaska chicks rock!
A: Congratulations....
A: Yes, no sex is a deal-breaker for a lot of guys. But not all. There are men around who feel the same way you do and pref...
Q: my bf watches granny porn, should i be concerned????
A: That depends. Is it his own granny or someone else's? If it's his own, yeah, the boy has a problem. If it's just random ...
A: What's the deal? He's a selfish, immature twat, that's what. "Women are too complicated and it's too hard to get them to...
A: Hmm... I'm a little busy right now. Maybe later? thx p.s. You're a chick, right? Not a dude....
Q: What defines a woman to be a freak in the sheets?
A: Excellent question. I'm assuming you mean "freak in the sheets" in the complimentary sense, and are not referring to som...
Q: why are people so retarded?
A: Great question -- but a tough one to answer. Ask your mirror....
A: He really wants you to be his fallback between relationships. Or so it appears. Let's assess the situation: he flirts wi...
A: He already told you why he can't say it back: he's not ready. At least he was honest. Would you rather he lie and say he...
Q: What does "lady friend" mean?
A: It means "Someone I'm porking" or "Someone I'm trying desperately to pork in the near future." More than a friend, not q...
A: What does he mean by what? The "something else" he said? Hard to answer that without key information -- you know, like, ...
A: No, I don't think so. I wish I did, but I don't. What you're seeing is his guilt. Of course he cares about you; four yea...
A: Why does it hurt your feelings when you already know why he's grumpy and tired and it (apparently) has nothing to do wit...
Q: What are some signs that you should not marry your boyfriend?
A: How much time do you have? If he doesn't want to get married, that's a big one. But there are others: - He's already mar...
A: You'll play what by ear? Getting together in person? To me, "We'll play it by ear," "We'll see," etc. usually means a po...
A: Ugh. Relatives. What can you do? Can't live with them, can't kill them. Well, you could. How funny would it be if an unc...
Q: Ever doubt you were in love?
A: Yes, but I ignored those feelings, chalked it up to a bad day, and stayed in the relationship. Ditto the next time I had...
A: Well, you've come to the right place, because I'm the king of screwups, especially lately. So I know how you feel. Yes, ...
A: Oops. Well, on the bright side, you'll never have to wonder what "painting yourself into a corner" means. Unfortunately,...
A: Yes, it means something. Several things, in fact: It means that he is sexually attracted to you, so much so that he can'...
A: Not at all. That stupid, lazy, limp-dicked knuckle-dragger should know that such behavior is unacceptable. He needs to g...
A: I don't know, but it tells us something about yours. You don't want to be a hypocrite? Keep at it, because you're not th...
A: There's really only one way to make her stop. That's right: you have to kill her. Yeah, okay, bad idea. Stupid question:...
A: Is it normal? Yes, for a relationship that is probably near its end, but not normal for a relationship that you thought ...
A: Yes, here's a tip: RELAX. Unless you're dating Prince Harry or a Gotti, there's no reason to be tied up in knots about m...
A: For starters, don't tell him he's a terrible kisser, even if he is. Just tell him how you like to be kissed. Every new r...
A: Hmm, let me think. Okay, I'm all done. No. It's not okay to set him up. There's a legal name for what you're doing. That...
A: A lot of it depends on the guy and what he likes. Everyone is different. I'll tell you what I know and you can either de...
A: You're not alone. I see a lot of men doing stuff like that -- walking ahead of their dates, going first to a restaurant ...
A: Tell him to STFU before you whack him with your cane. Ha ha, just kidding. Uh...hello? You still there? Allllrighty then...
A: Nope. Not mean at all. Who do you trust to make the right decision about when to start sleeping with a guy, your own fee...
A: Sounds like a wrong number. Have you ever asked this guy who he's calling? The only other explanation is that he is insa...
A: What? Who gives a flying frak what people think? If you want to wear a bikini, wear a bikini. Have you been to the beach...
A: Mais oui! Very much so. Bilingualism usually indicates intelligence, and smarts are definitely sexy. Knowing more than o...
A: It was abuse. Wait, let me clarify. It was absolutely abuse. The National Institutes Of Health define sexual abuse or as...
Q: If your girl is 22 and has had a threesome and 12 partners, is that too much for her age?
A: I don't know. It depends on who you ask. But what you're asking for is a moral judgment, and those are dangerous (which ...
A: I wouldn't. But you're not me and I don't date dudes, so let's talk it out. No, there's no set time for a guy to decide ...
A: Yeah, that's weird and will freak out most guys you meet in a club. I'm not saying they'll run screaming for the exit, b...
A: Of course not. He's being a tool. Sure, it's nice that he says you're beautiful, but his actions belie his words, and ac...
A: Ugh, that's awful. I can't imagine. But kudos to you for being such a caring friend. She's lucky to have you. It sounds ...
A: I don't think it's a power thing. I think it's a he-doesn't-have-the-money thing. Now he's embarrassed and that's why he...
A: Sounds to me like you're getting plenty of input without my help. KaCHOW! But what the hell, I'll have a poke. I'm guess...
A: You can't "get" anyone to forgive you. They have to make that choice on their own. All you can do is take responsibility...
A: Yes, I do, because I've been in the exact same situation. It happens every day in the corporate world, and there's alway...
A: Has it been a problem so far? I guess anything could be a dating deal-breaker if the guy is weird or particular enough. ...
A: "I love you, we're meant to be together, call me in five years, goodbye." Hmm, you really think he'll be upset by that? ...
Q: Do guys enjoy sucking and licking girls nipples? Because it honestly doesn't do anything for me.
A: Uh, yeah, just a little. I say let him do it anyway. It may not get you off, but if it's not unpleasant or uncomfortable...
Q: Do you think that long-distance relationships are a good thing?
A: No, not really. They rarely work out, and here's why: a relationship is about spending time with another person, getting...
A: You can get some therapy. All 20-year-olds are insecure about something. Whether you're in college or starting your firs...
A: I'm not sure, let me call 1952 and see what it thinks. It's the 21st century. Some women cook, some don't. Some men cook...
A: Yes, I can help. Here's what you do. It's kind of tricky so bear with me. You might want to take notes. Ready? BE. YOUR....
A: Is this a trick question? No, he won't cheat on you, because you're gonna boot his sorry ass before he gets the chance. ...
A: Did you try getting him back? If you like him that much, why give up so easily? That's why you can't move on. You have u...
A: The first thing I'd do is put the brakes on any wedding plans. I'm talking both feet and the emergency hand brake, too. ...
A: Oops! Hey, we all make mistakes. Cheating is bad, obviously, but at the very least you are taking responsibility for you...
A: Forget about it. For starters, it's old news, and the statute of limitations ran out months ago. What would you accompli...
Q: My boyfriend is away and my nipples are in need of attention. What should I do?
A: Go for a long topless jog around town. They'll get lots of attention. Or slather them in bacon grease and go to the dog ...
A: He's full of shit. That's why he got offended; he knows you are right. Accident, my ass. He was showing off to his frien...
A: Yeah, parents aren't typically big fans of ex-boyfriends, especially once they become exes. My parents never cared for m...
A: Should you believe what, that he wants to change? Sure. Nobody wants to be a dick, they just are. They can't control the...
A: He'll buy you a boob job -- how very Cro-Magnon of him. Tell him you'll get one when he gets a penile implant or hair pl...
A: How old are you? I ask because I'm trying to figure out why you are letting other people make dating decisions for you. ...
Q: What is your favorite part of a woman?
A: Her heart. Everything else is gravy....
A: So many men? Who? Where? I don't know any guy who thinks Tiger is still "the man." Every guy I know, myself included, ha...
A: Without seeming rude? To the guy who blew you off for two different dates? I don't think there's anything you could do o...
A: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! Oh, uh, sorry. Just an involuntary reflex. I watch a lot of movies. Okay, you want the tru...
A: Yes. It's called fishing. He asks you out, but in a casual, non-commital way so that if you say no, he has deniability: ...
A: That's like asking, "How do I bring this dead person back to life? I think he just needed a nap." You are deluding yours...
A: I don't see anything wrong with it, but it really depends on your ages. If you're 15 and he's 30, yeah, that's a problem...
A: Nah, I don't think being a bad kisser is necessarily a deal-breaker -- IF he is open to some training from you on how yo...
A: Nothing. If you have already apologized to him -- and I'm betting you have if you've been calling and texting -- then yo...
A: What gives? I do. As in, I "gives" him a big fat FAIL on the boyfriend meter. Why? Because he's a f**kin' psycho, that's...
A: Nothing. You are normal. Why do you assume that not having a boyfriend means there is something wrong with you? I'm sure...
A: The rough sex was a little rougher than you expected, huh? Something tells me your experience is common among first-time...
A: Where are the questions about dealing with these guys? We don't just dole out random bits of advice here. We answer ques...
A: Neither. It means, "I want to pork (or continue porking) you without any obligation or commitment." He could be saying t...
A: You haven't been officially dumped. An official dumping would be if he called you and said, "Thanks for the blow-job. I'...
A: Could be one of two things. Thing 1: He's just being a guy, i.e. he doesn't like to text, or his phone doesn't have a QW...
Q: Am i too old to get married at 40?
A: Yes, absolutely. You're far too old. Ancient, even. I bet it was cool to see the wheel invented. Did they let you ride i...
A: Ah, yes, the Great Size Question, a favorite of insecure men around the globe. Nothing like being put on the spot, huh? ...
A: Get it over with? You make losing your virginity sound like having your wisdom teeth removed. What's your rush? So what ...
A: It means you need to find a new boyfriend if marriage is your goal, because I don't think it will ever happen with this ...
A: By not doing it with him in tow. I can imagine that dating as a single parent is hard. I know that just being a single p...
Q: How to tell my guy to go down for me..without saying anything
A: What are you, a mime? You should be looking for a new career, not trying to get oral sex. You could try sign language --...
A: Walnuts. Hands down. Then almonds. Then peanuts. Anything but cashews. I don't like cashews....
Q: My boyfriend is going away for six months to backpack and see the world. What should I do?
A: Tell him to have fun and send postcards. Then find other guys to date. What? You're supposed to wait for him? You certai...
A: Hell yeah it works. Most guys who know how to act and dress and groom even halfway decently have a woman to thank. Women...
A: Yeah, give the man a Xanax and tell him to lighten the F up. Funny you should ask this, because I was just discussing th...
Q: What do you say to a woman who hasn't dated in five years because she's afraid to get hurt again?
A: I say rub some dirt on it and get back in the game. You got hurt. I'm sorry. It sucks, I know, because I've been there. ...
A: Because guys are idiots sometimes. Once we have something, we tend to take it for granted. Women do it, too, but I think...
A: Hold on? For what? Halley's Comet? Call me crazy, but I think if Johnny Quickpants had any intention of taking you out o...
A: How do you know we're not telling you what you want to hear? You don't. You'll just have to assume that we are being as ...
A: Oh, lighten up. He's just kidding around. What's the harm? HA, I'm joking. Couldn't resist. Such is my nature. Sorry. Ok...
A: Why stop at three? Call him every day, every hour on the hour, until he capitulates and agrees to go out with you just t...
A: Hell no! You are being wise and trying to save a relationship that is important to you. If he had any sense, he'd see th...
A: Sacred advice. Nice. Thanks, I like that. Even if it's not true. I'm no saint, so it's more like damned advice. So here'...
A: I don't know what the deal is, but I can see how that would worry you. I agree that 28 is too old to still live at home,...
A: Hmm. Sounds to me like your +4 advantage has thrown him for a loop. Most guys aren't used to that; we're the ones who ca...
A: Masturbate. Early and often. Wank it, spank it, crank it and yank it. Go at it like a 13-year-old boy with his first iss...
A: Fair? FAIR?! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...
Q: How do I tell a guy that he stinks without being rude?
A: Wear a gas mask on your next date? Nah, I guess that's rude. What do you mean, he stinks? He has a gas problem? Bad brea...
A: It's normal. Guys like porn. Let me repeat that for the hearing impaired: Guys. Like. Porn. In fact, I'm looking at porn...
A: I think he needs to shut the hell up. Seriously. Or learn how to say, "I'm so proud of you for losing weight. You look t...
A: Yeah, I'm with you, he sucks. I know you didn't say that, but I am: he sucks, at least at gift-giving. Dude could've don...
A: Great question, Sophia, but not an easy one to answer. Your instincts are correct: you do want to be careful when you re...
A: Forgive him all you like, but I'm not sure I'd marry the guy. Here's the thing: everybody lies sometimes. Yes you do. An...
A: Thanks for the compliment, OlySky. I don't know that you're being harsh, per se. You have a right to be uninterested in ...
A: Well, for starters, most men assume that most women are already doing it. Yes, studies show that fewer women masturbate ...
A: It would've already happened by now. If there's no spark now, there surely won't be one in the future. And don't call me...
A: Well, you can take his gifts if you like, but know that every gift comes with a price. Remember the beginning of The God...
Q: Are large nipples a turn-off to guys? How common are large nipples in women?
A: What? Sorry, I stopped reading at nipples. One sec, please. Okay, I'm back. I think large nipples are like anything else...
A: You forgot "modest." Just kidding. Confidence is a good thing. I wish I could say for sure why no one's asking you out, ...
Q: What are good comebacks for snotty mean girls?
A: Let me guess: high school? Ugh. The best comeback is simply to ignore them. No, it's not as much fun as telling them whe...
Q: I am 23 and very attractive. Why are older men way better at sex?
A: Congratulations, and thanks for noticing. I agree with you: I think many guys get better in bed as we age, and there are...
Q: My husband of 43 years says he only has to be accountable to God. What is your take on this?
A: My take is that even God thinks your husband is full of shit."Only accountable to God," huh? Right. Does he say that to ...
Q: When and how do I tell my husband that I think he drinks too much, again?
A: First things first: if you aren't sure he has a problem -- you say you "think" he drinks too much -- I encourage you to ...
A: It could be any number of things. Did you call him "dad"? Did you talk about Taylor Swift or "The Hills" all night? Did ...
Q: What are your views on a woman with stretch marks?
A: My view is that she's a normal human being, just like people with birthmarks, crooked toes and hairy nipples. My view is...
A: Great question, and I'm not sure I can answer it fully, since it's been a while since I had to worry about condoms and s...
A: I don't think you should ask him. I know you are curious, but it's really not your business, and it has no bearing on ho...
A: Hmm. Maybe he lost his balls in the war. It happens. They say being ball-less makes lovemaking a challenge. Or maybe he'...
A: No reply in almost 10 days? Yeah, that's fishy. I'd be hesitant to make that trip. Even if he calls tonight or tomorrow,...
A: Because he was lying. Talk is cheap, and we avoid conflict by saying what we think others want to hear even when we know...
Q: He said he loves me after only two days of dating. Does he really mean it?
A: Yes, of course he means it. After dating you for a whopping 48 hours this guy knows everything about you and loves you. ...
A: You don't. It's not your place to convince her. She's an adult and can make her own choices. Yes, you're a good friend t...
A: Oh honey, you're way past hard to get. That ship sailed months ago. There's nothing wrong with getting horizontal for th...
Q: How do you make a guy regret not getting with you when he had the chance?
A: You don't. You get over it and move on. Life is far too short to waste your time and emotional energy trying to prove to...
Q: Do men like fake (big) boobs more than natural boobs?
A: Yes, some men do. Others don't. I'll never understand how anyone would prefer unnatural to natural just for the sake of ...
Q: How do i get in a guys pants?
A: 1. Have a pulse. 2. Be between 21 and 70. 3. Say to him, "I want to get into your pants." Voilà! Happy hunting....
A: Dear Jessica85,If I were a Magic 8-Ball and you just shook me, the answer I'd show you is, "Cannot predict now." This is...
A: Let's see. Your idea: 1) Is creative. 2) Takes a lot of thought. 3) Takes a lot of time. 4) Comes from the heart. That's...
Q: What are you really thinking when she's on top?
A: 0:00 - "I love this view." 0:10 - "Holy crap, look at those sweet jubblies." 0:35 - "Oh yeah, that's it. Keep doing that...
Q: I'm in college and want to be asked out on dates. Any advice for single gals?
A: Well, you're not alone, since probably 99.98% of undergrad women are single, and most of them want to be asked out on da...
Q: How do you ask a boy out even though he has a girlfriend?
A: You don't. He's taken. What's the matter with you? Put down the crack pipe and listen up. Leave the guy alone. I'm all f...
A: Child, please. Guys don't know that shit. Wear whatever you think looks good on you. We'll probably think so, too. If a ...
Q: I'm 18. Can I be with a guy who's 64?
A: Sure. If he's your grandpa. Maybe he'll take you to the big dance Friday night at the VFW. You're joking, right? I know ...
A: Too long for what? Wait -- we are talking about hair on your head, right?This is an odd question -- that's not a put-dow...
Q: What is a nice way to say no to a guy when he asks you out?
A: Great question. Let's start with some wrong ways. He says, "Would you like to go out with me?" Don't say: "Ew." "Why?" "...
A: That does seem a little soon, although you have to be flattered that he wants to introduce you to them. But yes, I'm wit...
Q: How do you ask out a senior girl if you are a freshman?
A: You walk up to her and say, "Hi, my name is ______. Would you like to go out with me some time?" Don't mention being a f...
A: Oh man. Let's see: Strike 1: He asks you to call or text him to hang out again. Huh? A real man will call or text you if...
Q: How do you deal with a boner in public?
A: I put a lampshade on mine and try to disguise it as furniture. If I'm at the beach, where boners can be frequent, I just...
A: Is it weird that you don't want to have anal sex? Nope. A lot of women don't like it in the pooper, and a lot of guys do...
Q: How do I go about telling a guy I like him?
A: The best way to tell him? Don't tell him at all. Show him. Smile at him. Talk to him. Laugh at his jokes. Ask him out fo...
Q: When a guy says, "We need to take a break from each other," what does that mean really?
A: Unless your guy is joining the Peace Corps and headed to Ghana for the next five years, it probably means one of two thi...
A: Hmm, I never really thought about it one way or another. I don't know many guys who would judge a date's appeal on how m...
A: Great question, guy, because if you don't do it right, you're just asking for pain.Here's what you do: find the woman yo...
Q: Is it a turn-off while making love if the woman sweats a lot?
A: What a hilarious question. Don't be offended -- it's a compliment.Okay, the sweat thing... I've never thought about it b...
A: He's not into labels. HA HA HA! Um, sorry to laugh, but his creativity is funny -- in a pathetic sort of way. We men com...
A: How do you know he doesn't still think you are hot and beautiful? Let's take a step back and look at the evidence. He ma...
A: Nothing. Nor should you.You can't make people like you. You can change your personality to fit what you think someone el...
A: They do? I have never heard of that. No guy I know wants to remain friends with his ex. Most breakups suck, and the last...
A: Is not wanting to give blowjobs a deal-breaker? Not necessarily. It really depends on the guy. For some it's a deal-brea...
Q: What's the difference between "hot" and "beautiful"?
A: "Hot" is the woman a guy wants to pork. "Beautiful" is the woman a guy wants to marry. If he's lucky, they are the same ...
A: Indeed I did -- twice (here and here). Clearly I have an interest in the subject, so I'm glad you ask.I'll start w...
A: I wish I could, but you ask the impossible. There are as many theories about that as there are slang names for boobs, an...
A: Yes, he would. He's obviously not that into you. Sorry to be blunt, but that's my job.Look, a guy will find a way to spe...
Q: Do you care what type of car a woman drives? Would you approach a woman in a mini-van?
A: Who, me? Would I approach a woman in a mini-van? Like at a stop light or something? Probably not, unless I were cleaning...
A: I tried phone sex once, but it was horrible. I got my schmekel stuck in the coin return flap.Thank you! I'm here all mon...
A: Ouch. Sucks to be you right now. But you probably knew that already.Okay, look, you obviously have a heart and feel for ...
A: You're just saying this because I asked you out, right? It's okay -- I get that a lot. But don't think I'm giving up, be...
A: Before I answer your question, I'll ask you one: why are you friends with your ex on Facebook? What are you hoping to ge...
A: Sorry, did you say something?Hey, you knew that one was coming.Yes, some guys tend to tune out their wives and girlfrien...
Q: Do guys really prefer it all shaven off down there? What is too much/too little?
A: Ah, a woman's pubes: the endless debate. I was wondering when this question would come up. I considered blogging about i...
A: Interesting word choice there: shared. Like we all cook up farts just to entertain or punish the people around us. He do...
A: I think it's a turn-on. But then, I get turned on by bra ads in the newspaper, so take it for what it's worth. Ok, not r...
A: How can you find out what? Why she's texting him? If he has something improper going on with her? Ask him. "Why is she t...
A: I think she should go out with the poor guy. Clearly he's just lonely and needs to get laid, so she should just take one...
A: I think there's a typo in your question, Tracie. You say "men" but I'm sure you meant to say "SOME men." Ok, lots of men...
A: Good question, Daisy. I'll skip the Wise-Assery on this one and give it to you straight: I don't believe that any househ...
A: I hate to say it, but the kid was right: that f**king guy was making too much f**king noise. I could hear that motherf**...
A: Aw, aren't you sweet to be concerned for us? My disco stick thanks you. Yes, riding a bike can be uncomfortable for a gu...
A: Sure, you're within your rights to tell her that. You're also within your rights to kneecap her with a baseball bat. But...
A: Well, first you have to tell me what a disco stick is, because I have no idea. Hang on a sec. Ok, I looked it up. There ...
Q: if a guy really isn't "that into you," what are the best ways to tell?
A: Has he ever said, "I'm really not that into you"? That's one good way to tell. Has he ever said, "Ew," when you suggeste...
A: How do you know she hasn't asked me already? I could be as smooth as a baby's bottom underneath these leather pants and ...
A: You know how on TV you'll hear the sound of a car slamming on brakes and crashing into a wall whenever someone says some...
A: Easy there, Gloria Steinem. Let's not generalize, mmkay? Yes, the male ego can be delicate. Don't ask me why; it's just ...
Q: My boyfriend loves to cook, but his food tastes terrible. Should I tell him?
A: Yes, you should tell him -- to go work for Applebee's. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Thanks, I'm here all week. Seriously, though, ...
A: Why would you want to? I know, you want to be the most important thing in his life. And you are, most likely. But you ar...
A: Thanks for the question. I can help, as I've been dumped a time or two myself. I know, I know, hard to believe, isn't it...
A: Thanks for the question, Amy. I have an answer for you. In fact, it's easy: just remind your husband of the activity tha...
