Dalton was wrong.
In the classic redneck ass-kicking movie, Road House, when bar bouncer Dalton (Patrick Swayze) opts to have his knife wound stitched up in the ER sans anesthesia, he lays this nugget of pugilist-slash-philosopher truth on his doctor (Kelly Lynch):
“Pain don’t hurt.”
Sorry, Dalton, but millions of women who have given birth beg to differ. Pain do hurt–so much, in fact, that it can turn the most dainty mom-to-be into a cross between Sil (full-on alien version) in Species and Regan in The Exorcist. And, like the latter, moms in labor tend to say things that, well, aren’t exactly tactful. Things like these, my favorite eleven quotes from the delivery room, as reported on this Reddit thread.
11) “Burn all the Elvis records.”
10) “I’m having a puppy!” (looking in mirror at baby crowning)
9) “Sew it up all the way, doc. We won’t be using it anymore.”
8) “THIS FUCKER BETTER BE WORTH IT!”
7) “Yay! Barbecue tonight!” (as placenta is delivered)
6) “THE NEXT ONE IS COMING OUT OF YOUR DICK!” (to husband)
5) “Is that mine?” (when presented with newborn)
4) “I am a Klingggggggonnnnnnn! Aaaagh!!!”
3) Husband: “Do you want anything from the lounge? Ice chips or something?”
Wife: “Talk to me again and I will FUCKING KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!”
2) “I have officially decided that I do NOT want to try fisting” (as doctor reaches inside her to turn baby into position)
1) “Put a gun up there and shoot it!” (after hours of excruciating labor)
How about you, GuySpeak readers? Got any funny quotes from the delivery room to add?