First dates are complicated. You’re trying to make a great impression while at the same time judging the other person’s impression. It’s like a two-way job interview. One of the biggest issues to deal with during this process is trying to figure out, in real time, whether or not your date is actually interested in you.
Signals can get misread. Conversations can become misleading. You might think he’s having a wonderful time, but he could really just be counting down the seconds until he can leave. If you can get a sense of his interest level during the first date, it will save you a lot of awkwardness afterwards, especially during the “are we going to kiss” part of the evening and the “should I call him” part of the next day. Thankfully, a guy gives off a lot of unintentional signs when he’s not having a good time, and we here at Guyspeak have given you a handy list of them. If you notice a few of these, temper your expectation for a second date.
He’s on his phone. People are connected all the time. It’s 2013, and that’s just the way the world works. But during a truly excellent first date, the world stops for a couple hours. The phones go away, and the attention of both people are on each other. If the conversation is engaging and he’s starting into your eyes instead of into his touchscreen, he’s having a great time. But if you see him checking fantasy football scores under the table, it means that he’s choosing other things over getting to know you. And that’s a very bad sign, and also incredibly rude.
He isn’t asking any questions. First date conversations should go both ways. He should be asking you about work, school, your family, and your interests. If he’s not, he’s either a terrible conversationalist or he checked out of the date the second he sat down. Dating is about getting to know the other person, so if he isn’t trying, it probably means that he’s just waiting until its over.
He keeps talking about how busy he is. If a guy is interested in more than just a first date, he’ll give the impression that he has time for more than just a first date. The opposite is also true. If a guy begins talking about how busy he is and how he doesn’t really have time for socializing, he might be trying to create an excuse for him not to call. Or, at the very least, he’s setting the expectation that you’re not going to be seeing him much in the coming weeks or months. In either case, he’s showing that he’s not willing to change his schedule to make more time for the woman he just met.
He keeps talking about how tired he is. If a guy tells you about how sleepy he is or how early he has to get up tomorrow or how much Nyquil he just drank, it means that he wants to make it clear that the date is going to end soon. No surprise late night walks or exciting first date sleepovers. “I’m tired” means “we’re done after dessert.” That said, this doesn’t necessarily means he’s not interested in you at all. He could just be terrible at planning dates. But there’s a good chance he’s letting you down gently because he’s just not excited to be on this date.
He isn’t making any eye contact. Your date should be looking at you, when he speaks and when you speak. If he’s not, he’s being distracted by people walking by or thoughts about what he’s going to have for dinner tomorrow or what video game he’s going to play when he gets home. If he looks preoccupied, it means that he is preoccupied. And you don’t want that on a first date.
He vanishes mid-date. If he excuses himself to go to the bathroom (or take a phone call, or say hello to a friend he saw) and then just never returns, that’s probably the clearest sign of all. If he can’t finish the date, he’s not going to want a second one. This sounds obvious, but we here at Guyspeak have still gotten questions about it. So we want to make it clear. If I guy leaves, he’s not coming back.