First of all, greetings to all you
Guyspeak readers. John DeVore has been forced to return to his home
country to free his people from the cruelty of Tyrann the Malicious,
so I’ll be stepping in while he’s away saving puppies and preserving
freedom. Good luck, John, our thoughts are with you, but the check
contributing to the freedom fund is just lost in the mail, honest.
I’m sure it’ll show up eventually.
As for me, I must confess I was once a
player. Chivalry prevents me from getting into any details, but I
dated two girls at once, dumped people via Facebook, forgot to call
back for three weeks, and got beaten up by a few excessively large
brothers of girls I slept with. I reformed a few years ago when I
actually figured out what I wanted in a relationship, which did
wonders for actually making one last, and immediately turned all
those energies I spent tomcatting to writing. Which is why I’m all
over the place, writing for anybody who’ll pay me. I’m still
promiscuous, I just cheat on my editors with other publishers
I thought I’d start my reign as the
Reformed Player with this weekend’s number one movie, “No Strings
Attached”. You’re probably thinking “That movie looked terrible”
and, rest assured, it is. The cast strives mightily, and Kutcher
amazingly can play a character who isn’t a douchebag, but still it’s
the kind of movie written by single people who desperately wished
relationships actually worked like this. It does, however, have one
good point: it lays out why “friends with benefits” happens, and
it never works in the long run.
Here’s the thing about sex that too
many players forget: it’s really, really easy for a lot of people to
get emotionally attached to the person they’re having sex with on a
regular basis, which is probably a good thing for the human species,
but makes it difficult to have sex with multiple people or to have a
relationship based entirely on sex and nothing else. Sure, it’s
possible, but it’s like other impossible things, say surviving a
lightning strike or hitting the lottery: it’s dependent entirely on
luck and it’s probably not going to happen.
So, if someone asks, skip right to the
chase and tell him “Let’s just be friends.” It’ll save you time,
aggravation, and if you’re a guy, discovering her brother really does
know Krav Maga.