I have this friend. Yes, I know that’s hard to believe, but I do. A couple of them, in fact. This one’s a woman I’ll call Lucy. Lucy is 30-something and single. Not by choice, mind you. Lucy would love to be married. She wants a husband and babies and the house and the Volvo station wagon.
Lucy goes on a lot of dates. Well, a lot of first dates. Lucy doesn’t get many second dates, which is a shame, because she’s a great lady. Except on first dates. She does things that guys don’t like. She’s not the only one: lots of people do it, men and women alike. I never did, but then, I’m me, so no surprise there.
What do people like Lucy do on first dates that keeps them from getting second dates? Listen and learn.
1) You talk about your ex too much
On our first date, please tell me all about your ex: what he was like, funny things he said, how he broke your heart, how he’s a lying, cheating, selfish sonofabitch. No, really, I want to know all about some dude I’ll never meet. Tell me more. No, no, it doesn’t seem like you’re still hung up on him at all.
2) You talk about you too much
Thanks for an awesome time. I enjoyed listening to you prattle on for two hours about yourself. I’m so glad to hear about all the fun things you did in college, your friend what’s-her-face and her four perfect little children, the summer you spent in Botswana, your job and every single person you work with and why you hate them, oh, and best of all, your cats and how amusing they are. My name’s Cary, by the way. No — Cary. With a C. Right.
Your brother is schizophrenic? Oops. You just started your period? Lovely. You fart a lot? Lucky me. Check, please.
4) You’re already planning our future
I’m so glad you are already thinking about things we can do on future dates. Yes, I’d love to meet your folks, I mean, now that we are an item. Drive over to Athens for a football game? Why not? It’s only eight months before football season starts. Your family’s mountain cabin? Sounds wonderful — let’s go right now. Maybe we’ll pass a Justice Of The Peace on the way and can get married.
5) You answer your cell phone
No, go ahead and take that. It’ll give me time to figure out how to end this date quicker.
6) You are rude to the waiter
I agree, he’s a complete moron for bringing you an undercooked steak. Be sure to tell him, since he’s not only a waiter, but cooks everything, too. Let him have it. Nope, not awkward at all.
These aren’t the only things, of course, but a good start. Really, it all boils down to common sense and common courtesy. Be nice, be interested in your date, and don’t rush things, and you’ll be a-okay.